The Bachelor Pad II, Finale: I Can't Hang

I like this show and all, but I don't have the energy to blog a 3 hour finale. I'm going to take this as far as I can go (read: stay awake).

Here are my favorite highlights with some brief commentary.

When preparing to train for the Cirque de Soleil wall challenge, Graham said he was "literally pissing his pants." Graham literally has no idea what the word literally means.

In preparation for the challenge, Ella said that it's "harder than childbirth." I hope she's speaking figuratively, not literally. I imagine mothers everywhere are questioning Ella's definition of difficult.

Did Chris Harrison look good in that David Copperfield outfit, or did Chris Harrison look good in that David Copperfield outfit?

Trista, Mesnick, Roberto, and Ali came back as judges. It's so hard to believe that these four have nothing better to do.

I really enjoyed the spandex suits they all wore:

Michael thought he blacked out when he was announced as a winner. The last time he blacked out was when he won this break dancing contest (look for Michael at the 2:18 mark):

After announcing that she was on the show for "every battered woman," heartless Trista sent her packing. Las Vegas does not feel so fabulous anymore.

Vienna said that she needs a muzzle for Kasey. I've never agreed so wholeheartedly with something that Vienna has said. I vote for making Kasey sing everything he says.

Chris Harrison got a huge standing ovation at the finale reunion. Well deserved.

Not so well deserved was the big round of applause for Jake. I'm surprised how much the ladies in the studio audience liked him, but I was REALLY surprised when Liz started cheering for him in our living room.

Ames and Jackie are no longer together. Ames broke her heart by taking multiple solo trips to Vietnam.

Vienna says that she and Jake have closure and a lot of good things going for them. I agree. Jake is doing the Scottsdale to Reno flight. Vienna is making appearances at clubs in Vegas. Things are sure looking up for those two.

Kasey apologized to Jake, and then they bro-hugged it out. Vienna looked a little nervous that she might get cut out of that love triangle.

Okay. I'm pausing the blog and the show here at the halfway mark. If you see me at work tomorrow, feel free to spoil it for me.

Bachelor Pad 2, Episode 5: Nearly Done

Now that Melissa is gone, the most-crazy-resident position is up for grabs. After Harrison announced that the couples must partner up, Erica made her case and made it strongly by cornering Dentist Blake and making him partner up. Too bad for the Blakester. He went from hooking up with unstable Melissa to being officially partnered with devious-dummy Erica (see below)

The Nearly-Wed Game

How meta is this? There is a game show within a reality show. Good thing Chris Harrison was born meta. He's a suave heartthrob playing a suave heartthrob reality show host.

The Nearly-Wed game was just like the classic Newlywed game, with Harrison playing the role of Evolved Bob Eubanks.

Some of the highlights:

- Erica said, "I'm kind of a slut."

- Kasey thought Vienna's exes miss her "teeth."

- Blake said he would kiss Holly if he had his choice (Cue sound of Fleiss & Co. cheering in background)

- Holly following it up by saying that she'd want to sleep with Blake (Cue sound of Fleiss & Co. screaming with joy)

- Everyone agreeing that Blake is the most hated in the house

- Kasey admitting he lost his virginity at 21. No comment.

- Graham and Michelle gaming the system, and then Michelle forgetting their strategy and almost blowing it.

Graham and CEMII Date

They left on a date in a helicopter. That's about all you need to know.

Back at the house, Kasey and Vienna were having a fight, as usual. Ella explained that it's a result of "sexual tension." I have to question whether Ella understands what she just said.

I wrote those last two sentences, and then Kasey and Vienna started arguing about how Vienna is withholding sex from Kasey while in the house. Looks like Ella does understand the definition of sexual tension. I stand corrected.

Speaking of definitions, Kasey and Vienna had a fight about the meaning of an ultimatum. Vienna knew what an ultimatum was; Kasey did not. I'm surprised either of them knew the definition.

Blake and Erica Date

Blake started off his date with Erica in a limo....BORING. Get a helicopter, jet, ATV, rocket, horse, or Lamborghini.

Erica is a laugh-a-minute. She said Blake looks so good tonight that it's "historical." Totally hot like Abe Lincoln.

Erica said she can talk to ghosts. Maybe that's why she thinks Lincoln is hot.

Erica's astrologer said she would be in the top two. And he's been right about everything so far. So she's got that going for her.

On the date, Erica and Blake got two roses to save a couple, but unfortunately, they couldn't save themselves.

In one of the most awkward interactions to date, Erica did everything she could to try and get Blake to spend the night with her. She said she "wanted to get sex on his mind." She offered to wear sexy lingerie. She said they needed to bond to be a stronger pair. She said they just needed to relax overnight. Erica promised "no strings attached" sex. Blake looked like he was being offered a night with this girl...

.

Blake rejected Erica. She then told him that he's an idiot and they will go home because of it. In the most obvious statement of the night, Blake said, "I can't win." With Melissa and Erica, you definitely cannot win.

Blake and Erica tried to give their safety roses to Kirk and Ella in order to try and sway votes towards someone else. After not sealing the deal, Kasey and Vienna swooped in and convinced Blake and Erica to give the safety roses to them. Blake's judgment continues to be questionable. Very questionable. I wouldn't expect that from a guy that brushes for a full minute every morning and night.

Rose Ceremony

Ella whined for a long time about how she needs the money the most. She said that she's there "not just for myself, but also for my nine-year-old son." Really? How are you in LA at the Bachelor Pad mansion for your son? I guess if you can go to LA for 3 months with a 1 in 20 shot at 250k, you gotta take that.

Shortly before the rose ceremony, Blake threw all caution to the wind and made out with Holly openly on the Bachelor Pad pool furniture.

Pre-ceremony roses already went to Graham/CEMII and Kasey/Vienna.

Final roses went to Holly/Michael and Ella/Kirk.

Blake's final bad decision cost him the most: trusting Kasey and Vienna. Now that's an ultimatum.

Until next week, the season finale. What!? Huh!? Already!?