Tenley starts off the meet the parents date and knocks it out of the ballpark. She has Jake's Dad crying (no surprise for the Pavelka clan) and then gets Mrs. Pavelka crying. The Pavelkas fell in love with her. This is going to make it even more devastating when Jake picks Vienna. This date was very infomative. We found out that Jake likes to rough house, play, and be silly. Jake goes on to inform us that "jumping in the pool is what life is all about." Apparently, Jake's family also knows what life is all about, because they also jumped in for a group swim.
Vienna started out her date at a serious disadvantage since Tenley is perfect for Jake. The reception from the Pavelkas can only be described as icy. Vienna went on to call Jake's sister-in-law kind of fat. Crickets....crickets. Jake continued to defend Vienna to his family because Vienna didn't get a chance. Somehow, Vienna won over the Pavelkas. Maybe it's really hard to dislike a cross-eyed person?
Final dates
Vienna got the first date at an active volcano. Jake says, "How do you feel about sulfur?" to start off the date. This guy is such a dweeb. He further proved it by dipping the champagne glasses in the dirty mud water. Gross. Later on the date, Vienna gave Jake her "I'm not going to elope again ring." Listen to the way that sounds Jake!!!!! Just go ahead and call it the red flag ring. That's all it is. Jake gave the fans one glimmer of hope when he said that this was his last date with Vienna.
Vienna's date started with her Bachelor-approved running jump hug. Their charter boat ride date seemed more like an advertisement for St. Lucia than for Tenley. St. Lucia looks like Jurassic Park without T. Rex. Jake killed the romantic moments of the island by trying to differentiate between physical and sexual chemistry. Newsflash Jake: there is no difference. All Jake accomplished was giving Tenley an emotional spillover. At least Tenley's Mom warned Jake that she is prone to have those. Later in the date, the tables completely turned when Jake criticized Tenley for being PERFECT. You have to be kidding Jake. I didn't think it was possible to be gooberier (it's a word, I promise), but Jake has accomplished it.
Jake and the Ring
Jake started to pick the ring out with the real Neal Lane. Neal Lane is shocked when Jake says he hasn't picked which girl he's going to propose to. Jake said he's switching every thirty minutes about which girl to pick. I guess I know how Jakester feels. Here are some times in my life that I feel the same way:
1) Should I play Modern Warfare or NCAA Football?
2) Latte or drip coffee?
3) Light suit or dark suit?
4) One hour lunch or two hour lunch (two of course)?
Jake's Decision
Tenley was the first one out of the helicopter. Always a bad sign. Jake called Tenley perfect again. What a slap in the face. I wish Tenley would have slapped Jake in the face. Instead she decided to thank Jake for a bunch of crap I didn't care about. After her untimely exit, Liz points out that hopefully the limo is taking her straight to the therapist.
Vienna, the winner, then arrived. She won. Whatever. Jake screwed with her emotions a little. He does that because he's so silly and playful.
After the Final Rose
3 hours of he Bachelor in one night is a lot to deal with. I have been live blogging tonight, so I am reducing this to bullet points:
1) Tenley wanted to know what was wrong with her. It all comes down to the fantasy suite...wink!
2) It's the last episode and it's still shocking that Jake was the Bachelor.
3) Jake says he was looking for "protection" from his ideal woman. I think deep down Jake maybe wants to date Jean Claude Van Damme.
4) Vienna looks really different. Liz says it's the eyebrows.
5) Jeffrey Osborne live!!! My Bachelor dream has come true.
6) On the Wings of Love has to be their first dance, right? When I pose this question to Liz, she quickly replies "disgusting."
Posts
Where do we begin? The season is over and Jake ends up with the villain, Vienna. The villain almost never wins in these scenarios, so it was a bit refreshing if not completely expected. I think all of us would be more upset if we felt any emotional connection whatsoever with Mr. Pavelka. But we don't. We don't even like him. We openly mock him. We laugh that he ended up with the girl who had a "don't elope again ring."
ReplyDeleteMy watching was interrupted early on by the feverish pace of text messages coming from a co-worker who blames me for getting him interested in the show: "I should be sleeping but this show is laced with emotional heroin. I will kill you later. Give my love to Mrs. Dugan. XXXXXX"
I then had to talk said co-worked off the contrived drama cliff that ABC sets before us...and I explained that you need to watch as a comedy. Luckily, Vienna's father giving her a "do not elope again ring" sealed the deal. We love the show, but not because of the fake drama, predicted endings, and scripted language. The unintentional comedy is what brings us back.
Jake's trying to parse between physical and sexual chemistry was great. Tenley realizing she's losing another man she cannot please physically was such a blow on national TV. Then, during ATFR, Jake announced he is going on this season's Dancing With the Stars!!! Jake might as well shoot Tenley's dog while he's at it.
As for our fellow Floridian Vienna, Mrs. Dugan and I are convinced that she did not know she was getting on the bachelorette. She tried to get on the Rock of Love Bus and ABC scooped her up for some drama.
As for Neil Lane, who the F is Neil Lane? All I know is that Mrs. D shrieked like the Beatles came on the TV and she was wearing a poodle skirt. It scared me.
As for Jeffrey Osborne, take a peak at his website (http://www.jeffreyosborne.com/tour_dates.html) and you can check him in action at some great venues such as Sam's Town Hall and Gambling Hall in Mississippi, the Catalina Wine Mixer, and most importantly for the Dugan's, the Capital Jazz Cruise 4 out of the Port of Miami http://www.capitaljazz.com/supercruise/)
On that Jazz Cruise, stars such as George Duke, Kirk Whalum, Jeff Lorber and Ledisi will be there!!!
Thanks to everyone for a great season. Ali's coming on in May for the Bachelorette and we look forward to bringing you the most entertaining Bachelor Blog out there - if not the most politically correct and/or accurate. (I was joking, DeAnna, chill out.)
This is definitely my favorite post/comment combo in Bachelor HISTORY. And that's not just Bachelor hyperbole. Why you ask? I skipped the show. 7'oclock I set out for a run and when I passed by my house at 8 I skipped the turn home and just kept running, forest gump style. We all knew what was going to happen. I didn't need another fix of the "emotional heroin" (HA!) I did get home to find my brother watching it and just in time to see Jeffery Osborn. I hope you believe me when I say that I def. spouted, "What Indian Casino did they get this guy out of!?" Maybe my best real time one-liner of the season in light of Dugan's GREAT RESEARCH on J.O.'s current acts. Which leads me to the obvious question? Now that jake's parent's hate his to-be wife, can they make up a new last name for this couple that starts with an O so Jake's initials can be J.O. too - it's only fitting. ALSO, how long does it take for someone to go from "being a pilot" to "used to be a pilot" - I'm not sure the exact time frame but I pretty sure 3 seasons of reality shows is over that line. Great season bloggers! I think Ali is going to be a good Bachelorette...
ReplyDeleteWhat should jake & vienna's new O-starting last name be??
If they want to go Irish, I say, "O'Tenley." It seems appropriate since Jake continued to profess his love for Tenley.
ReplyDeleteIn honor of Ali, who is Polish, I would suggest Osanfrancisosky.
In honor of Vienna, an Italian, I say we go Ojoedimaggio.
In honor of Chris Harrison, Omightyhost.
To honor infidelity, Orozlyn.
For Jake's next career move, Otombergeron.
For Vienna's next career, Opinkpoodle.
I love this game. Let's keep playing.
I googled, unusual O words and here are some gems and their meanings :
ReplyDeleteObsolagnium - waning sexual desire due to age (will happen sooner rather than later)
Ochlesis - sickness resulting from overcrowded living conditions (which one suffer from this first in this household?)
Odditorium - place for displaying oddities (Can you see it? A "Welcome to the Odditorium" doormat??)
But my favoirte and maybe to crude or obvious but...
Off - That way whenever we encounter someone who seems like everything he says was written by an 80 year old second grade teacher trying to write a romance novel, or someone who blames every wrong descion he makes on his gut feeling and following his heart, someone who's every action can be described as awkward and who either annoys or creeps out everyone around him, we can just say, oh, that guy? yea, he's a total Jake Off.
Eminem, I love it. Jake is a total Jake Off. I motion that he forever be called Jake Off on WWT. There's other Bachelor related news that happened the night of the finale. As I was getting ready for bed, I noticed Mrs. Dugan falling asleep to some good ol' HGTV. Then I shrieked like a poodle-skirt wearing Beatles fan (see above comment) because Bachelorette contestant Reid was on as the realtor showing the Philadelphia real estate market in My First Place.
ReplyDeleteAfter asking Mrs. Dugan to put her glasses on to give the confirmation, it has been confirmed. A Bachelor sighting outside of ABC. Good for Reid. I'm glad he has not been reduced to the Bachelor/Bachelorette Real World/Road Rules Reunion extravaganza appearances.
Tim, was your comment sponsored by Bill Plaschke?
ReplyDeleteDugan, to borrow a Harrisonism, "I will not dignify that comment with a response."
ReplyDeleteBut really, I'm the king of plagiarism.
I really enjoyed your comments about Neal Lane. When I asked Liz who Neal Lane was, she told me it was Harry Winston's cousin. Sadly, I believed her. Even more sadly, I know who Harry Winston is because of previous seasons of the Bachelor.
I totally didn't think about how Tenley could perceive Jake's appearance on Dancing with the Stars. What a total kick in the junk. Great pickup Dugan.
I was watching a TV show during lunch called "The Doctors." It appears to be a daytime show that addresses housewives' medical issues. It is hosted by former Bachelor and ER doctor Travis Stork.