The Bachelorette Finale, Episode 10.

The Super Bowl is the Super Bowl.  The Oscars are the Super Bowl of fashion.  And the Bachelorette finale is the Super Bowl of Neil Lane.  The special day has arrived.  One of the Bachelorette contestants (and in this case, who really cares?) will get to make the choice between several Hope diamond sized rings.  Neil Lane only brings the big ones.  

45 carats

According to Chris Harrison, this is the "television event of the summer."  Sorry network television, this is further proof that Netflix is taking over.  

The finale is taking place in the Maldives.  I've always kind of wondered how to properly pronounce the Maldives.  According to Becca, it's the "maul-deeves."  Now, whenever someone mispronounces it, I can smugly correct them and tell them I learned how to pronounce it properly on the Bachelorette.  I will feel so smart.  

Fav Garrett Meets the Fam

Fav Garrett met Becca's family first.  Confronted again with his divorce, Fav threw his Ex under the bus again.  All I want for After the Final Rose is a rebuttal from his ex wife.  

Just noticed that Fav Garrett has a wrist tattoo.  This will go perfectly with Becca's aggressive below-the-elbow tattoos.  

After an unnecessary amount of crying, Fav Garrett still looks like the Fav.  

Like Blake Arrives

Like Blake made a good impression with Becca's family, but Fleiss and Co. showed Becca sobbing behind the scenes about making this choice.  Things started to get worse when Becca's family told Like Blake he would be fine if he loses.  Like Blake, already a head case, is not in a good place. 

Becca's uncle (cousin?) asked if there was anything he should know about Fav Garrett.  As previously referenced by Dugan, yes, yes there are some things you should be concerned about.  

Back in the studio, Harrison brought on the stars of a new movie, "Crazy Rich Asians."  I'm not comfortable with this movie title.  No jokes.  Fast forward 15 seconds. Nothing appropriate can come from a white guy making comments about this while drinking whiskey.

After the guys left, the family gave their opinions on the guys.  The family appears to be in favor of Like Blake because he's "on her level" and will challenge her in ways that Fav Garrett won't.  This is a nice way of saying Like Blake is smarter than Fav Garrett.  Sadly, picking between these two seems like a choice between Don Jr. and Eric.

Garrett's soul mates

Last Date with Fav

They went on a sailboat and got surrounded by dolphins.  I think I know what their next hand tattoos will be!!!

Dugan: you and me?

Becca took the date on a morbidly romantic turn, stating, "If I were to die, I hope it would be here with you."  We haven't even seen Neil Lane yet.  It's too soon.  

In the evening portion of the date, Fav imagines a life "changing a baby's diaper" with Becca.  No No No.  Fav has the joys of parenting all wrong.  If he said, "I can't wait to discuss the details of when, where, and how often our baby poops," then I would find it more believable, yet still not romantic.  

Mrs. Wags asked me if Becca knows who she is going to pick.  I replied, "Of course not, she's in love with two men equally."  Mrs. Wags then informed me that she also didn't know who she was going to pick the night before we got engaged.  While this came as a surprise, I also had a surprise for Mrs. Wags: her ring is not a genuine Neil Lane.  

Last Date with Like Blake

After some paddle boarding, Like Blake and Becca had a serious chat (as usual).  Becca said she's trying to decide "what's best for you guys."  Like Blake doesn't miss the signals sent by these types of statements.  Neither does Mrs. Wags; "She's not picking this guy."  By the way, Mrs. Wags just started watching this season for the first time about 10 minutes ago.  Yes, she's always in the room when we watch, but usually she's Pinterested in something else.  (Fast forward ten minutes: Mrs. Wags just asked me Becca's name.)

In the evening portion of the date, Like Blake presented her with a time capsule of their time together.     Someone tell this guy that they have been on two dates together.  This is not an impressive gift.  

NEIL LANE TIME

Just went on Amazon to see if there is a Neil Lane autobiography.  Sadly, it doesn't exist, but maybe this is my time to write it!  Be the change you want to see in the world, right?

Neil's time on the Bachelor was quick, but meaningful.  He introduced himself to both guys, "Hi, I'm Neil."  HELL YES YOU'RE NEIL.

And then he was gone.  

Interestingly, Becca's sister had a very Elton John hairstyle. 

The Final Final Rose

Back in the studio, Harrison warns us, "you've never seen anything like this."  We'll see about that. 

Like Blake was first off the boat.  He gave an loving, yet sweaty, speech about his love for Becca.  Becca interrupted and said she's happier with someone else.  Poor Blake, it's a rough way to go out.

Back in the studio, Like Blake was with Harrison and ready to see Becca for the first time since the breakup.  It's now past 10 pm.  I didn't agree to this.  Now I'm starting to sweat like Ted Striker.  

Back in the Maul-deeves, Fav Garrett arrived at the proposal/breakup balcony.  Becca told Fav that she loves him.  Mrs. Wags said their excitement was pretty cute, "like when a toddler stops hitting you in the head with a book and starts giving you hugs."  So, yeah, cute like that, really cute.  

It's 10:30.  I'm done.  It's been quite a season.  The big winner was wrist tattoos.  Until next season...