Date #1: Greek Groban in Cumming, Georgia
It's a REALLY good thing I didn't do the bottle of wine routine tonight, because Greek Groban's hometown is called...see above. I can't even write it twice without feeling like I need to go to confession.
When we nicknamed Constantine, Greek Groban, I don't think we realized just how stereotypically Greek this guy is. His father's name is Dimitri. There was a baby named Athena. The family danced in circles. Ya-Ya sat on the couch. His family owns a restaurant that specializes in feta.
Ashley is so smitten with Groban's looks. It appeared that she wasn't the only lady in C*mm!n$ that likes Constantine. As they kissed outside the restaurant, all of the restaurant servers oohed and ahhed in jealousy.
I thoroughly enjoyed the hell out of all interviews with Dimitri. I felt like it was my introduction to the Greek Rosetta Stone. Ashley had obviously purchased the program beforehand because she said that the conversations with the Grobans went "better than any conversation she's had in a long time."
Bold Prediction: Greek Groban wins it all. Liz thinks it's not such a bold pick because I can say I thought I was predicting Sonoma Ben to win if Ben wins it all.
Date #2: Chad Ford, PA and El Douche
El Douche has a really crackly voice. Just noticed that.
The Douches looked completely uninterested in the process. El Douche's sister is named Serena. She was concerned that Ashley isn't all that interested in El Douche. Serena may not be a professional tennis player, but she knows how to serve up some relationship criticism.
Serena continued her meddling/astute observations with El Douche. Serena spilled the beans that Ashley wants a ring at the end of the process. El Douche looked like he got muay thai punched in the face again.
El Douche ended the date by taking Ashley to his "favorite tree." I found a picture of my favorite tree so you could see it and maybe we can have a picnic there:
Ashley ended the date by saying that she likes how she and Douche think alike. I guess if El Douche went to Arizona State and didn't recycle, they would think alike.
Date #3: Sonoma Ben...you guessed it...in Sonoma
In a totally money move that will be lost on Ashley, Sonoma Ben takes her straight to his vineyards. Unfortunately for Sonoma Ben, Ashley has a favorite wine already:
Turns out Ashley is only the second gal that Sonoma has ever brought home. I liked his sister right away when she ripped on his hair.
When pushed by his sister about whether he would propose at the end, he said "I would have no problem proposing if she picked me." I'm sure that's exactly what Ashley would want to hear.
I nearly had to turn the TV off when Ben got emotional about his father. Next to Ryan's proposal to Trista, that was the most emotional I've ever gotten during an episode. I'm convinced that Ashley isn't fit to swirl Sonoma Ben's Bordeaux blend.
Date #4: Roslyn, NY - the best Cupcake around
Cupcake started off the episode by saying how excited he was to be back in Long Island. Ouch.
Cupcake took Ashley roller skating. I wasn't so thrilled for this date, but I was thrilled to be introduced to this music video:
Liz made a bold prediction: no matter who wins, none of these relationships lasts more than 6 months. I'm not convinced there's anything particularly "bold" about that prediction.
Ashley got to Cupcake's parents house for dinner and made a snippy comment about eating carbs. I'm really starting to dislike her. Fake dentistry, insecurity, throwing away aluminum cans in the trash, and now ripping on carbs...my favorite food group.
Cupcake is confident that his heart is not going to get broken because he has something with Ashley that "none of the other guys have." Now we're talking. A little arrogance makes the fall at the end even harder. Cupcake went all in on that statement.
Cupcake got played by his Mom at the end when she busted out his Bar Mitzvah mullet poster. Once again, I wish I could have had a Bar Mitzvah. First Communion and Confirmation are just not a good enough religious party.
Rose Ceremony
Do we even need 20 minutes devoted to this? El Douché is getting sent home. Liz is hoping El Douche is the next Bachelor. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I might actually agree. He's a pretty interesting and occasionally funny guy. Plus, he likes Magnolia trees. My kind of tree hugger.
Rose #1: Sonoma Ben (sporting a new haircut)
Rose #2: Cupcake (not sporting hair)
Rose #3: Greek Groban (sporting lots of hair...as always)
As not-so-boldly predicted above, El Douche got sent home. His Ivy League brain couldn't compute. He now leaves to "go start a lifetime of adventures, with himself, which is, less enticing." Get this guy to a therapist.
Until next week in Fiji.
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