Currently My Favorite Song (until tomorrow at least)

Sitcom Showdown

Tonight we watched both the Office and 30 Rock. At the end of 30 Rock, Liz said, "I think 30 Rock is better than the Office." After watching tonight's episodes, I had to agree. Based on this season alone, 30 Rock has been funnier than the Office. Though I will always love the Office more, 30 Rock has been the better show this season.

My favorite part of tonight's Office: When Creed said he could get a kid for $7,000.

My favorite part of tonight's 30 Rock: When Jack says that he keeps pictures of himself with lots of people like the Pope, the Dalai Lama, and Toby Keith.

The Bachelor Hometown: When Doves Cry

Here are my observations for this week's Bachelor:

1) "Flowers need rain. We will always be there for you again and again." In what freaking country does this rhyme!? Oh yeah......North Alberta, Canada.

2) I take back what I wrote a couple weeks ago about Molly being the favorite. It's now a tie between Molly and Jillian, or shall I say Moll and Jill? I was convinced because Jillian's parents worked through their problems. Jason's wife divorced him so he wants someone stable.

3) Jason admitted "letting Ty out on a putting green the moment he could crawl." Does this seem a little unsafe? How does an infant get out of the way when someone yells FOUR? 3 year old on a houseboat and now infant crawling on a golf course.

4) Red flag alert: Molly calls her mom by her first name.

5) Do you think Chris Harrison requires them to hug like this when they first see each other on the hometown dates?


6) Flight attendant Naomi's mom was really good at the hula hoop...and really bad at keeping her daughter in the competition.

7) Note to Naomi's dad: Jason obviously doesn't believe in Jesus.

8) They did not bury that dove deep enough. I'm sure a cat has already had "Rosie" for lunch.

9) According to Reduction Melissa's friends, her last boyfriend "used and abused her." Whoa.

10) Melissa is now "110% in love" with Jason. I hate that. Because it's impossible.

11) Melissa's friends have never even met her parents? Dallas, we have a problem.

And in a not-so-shocking ending, Naomi goes home because Jason does not want to clip her wings. It's now a sure-thing that Molly and Jillian are the final two. I am already working on Melissa's eulogy.

Oceanic 7

There were 7 of us. I was there with my bride. There were 5 others with us for the full 2 1/2 hours. I will refer to them as the "5WSNBN" (5-who-shall-not-be-named) in order to protect their identities.

Liz, the 5WSNBN, and I agreed that we would lie to the world. We would never reveal our secret.

This blog post finally exposes what was previously kept a secret for the last 18 hours: We saw "He's Just Not That Into You."

In a theater the size of AT&T Park upper-reserved section 325, we saw one of the most frustratingly predictable films of the year.

Admission: I used to watch Sex and the City when it was on TV. If this movie were an episode of Sex and the City, it would have been the worst episode of season 1.

Before the movie, one of the 5WSNBN thought that I might say that I didn't like the movie even if I really did like it. I could have seen this as a real possibility. Fortunately, I didn't have to fake it.

Reasons to avoid the movie:
1) Ben Affleck is the most likable male character.
2) It's rarely funny and the people sitting around you are probably going to be the funniest part.
3) It's not creative.
4) The Ram Jam is not part of it.
5) Scarlett Johansson's powers of seduction might break up YOUR relationship.

In closing, here is our story:

Things aren't going well for you...and that makes me feel better.

So messed up, right? But isn't there a piece in all of us that loves TV because it a) gives us an opportunity to ignore other responsibilities in our life, b) helps those of us who thrive on routine add to that compulsion, c) in a safe and not-real way support people we like and actively, vocally, enthusiastically watch the demise of those we can't stand? (Like Jamie Lauren. The day I eat at Absinthe is the day Eater or Tablehopper delivers the news that they have a new chef. Ouch.)

No? Ok, I guess it's just me. And now my true colors are painted all over this very public (but never read) blog.

My Better Half covered the highlights of this week's Bachelor reject and Top Chef's bottom chef so I'll leave that content to him. I'll limit myself to an ebmarrasing, self-indulgent, psychoanalytical post. And as always I'll wonder, "what would Dr. Drew say to me?"

Top Chef: Down Goes San Francisco

Jamie from Absinthe's exit in Top Chef this week was a total 180 from Patrick Swayze's exit in the Bachelor. Showing her true colors to be as colorful as her tattoos, Jamie was a true poor sport. I highly doubt that Eric Ripert's food is boring. Even though Jamie was a poor sport, she did not deserve to be kicked off.

Leah should have been kicked off because she's a quitter, she cheated on her boyfriend on national tv, and I can't stand her voice.

Also, Toby the Judge is a moron. Could he have been kissing Chef Ripert's butt more?

Now that I've got that off my chest, I think they picked the wrong winner. Karla should have won that challenge. She masterfully figured out that the Bernaise sauce was not a Bernaise, and then she was able to recreate it properly.

Guest Judge Ripert obviously picked Stefan because the prize for the winner was to go on vacation with Ripert. Ripert basically wanted to kiss Stefan the whole show so it makes perfect sense that Ripert would want to go on a romantic chef's getaway with Stefan.

The Bachelor Final 5: "French-Canadian Kiss"

To my left is a picture of everyone doing their best kissing impression of Jillian from Canada and Jason the Bachelor: French-Canadian kissing. Way too much tongue on TV.

Last night showed me all I needed to see to know who is going to win the most most romantic season of the Bachelor ever ever.

Molly. Simply because she is the ONLY one he even wants to kiss.

Jason has never been interested in kissing the one who looks like Patrick Swayze. That's why she's obviously gone now. Flight Attendant Underbite Naomi and Reduction Melissa are just flings and he's not interested. We'll have to wait eagerly until Deanna comes back.

On a semi-related side note, is it cool to live on a houseboat with a 3 year-old? It seems like a major hazard.

Also, is it cool to live on a houseboat, period? Do you have "land" rights underneath your boat? Do you have to pay dock fees? Are you surrounded by sex offenders? I feel like there must be a lot of sex offenders on house boats. Thus, is Jason a sex offender?

Liz quickly predicted that Patrick Swayze Deceased Husband Woman will be the next Bachelorette. Just as quickly as the thought came up, we decided that she will not be featured because not enough guys would be into her even though she seems really nice. And I like the way she says the word, "Man." She was always looking for a "kind man" or "caring man" or "loving man." Jason obviously wasn't man enough to pick a woman he wasn't attracted to.

We say goodbye to Patrick Swayze this week: