Tank Bachelor: Billy Hildbold

This entry is the second in the Tank Bachelor series with WWT where we nominate our single (and perhaps not single) friends for the show. As we discussed here before, we didn’t like Jake and need ABC to step it up. Enter Billy Hildbold.

BACHELOR BIO: Billy Bachelor

32-year-old Billy is out to prove to the world that even nomadic guys eventually want to settle down. He's been looking for a girl to pass his bar! Don’t judge this lawyer by his initial brief because there’s a lot of layers to this litigator. Suit up and put your best pumps forward ladies as this handsome lawyer from Virginia prepares to hear your argument for love as The Bachelor.

Billy grew up in Northern Virginia and attended Millersville University, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, Northern Virginia Community College, University of California – Berkeley, Indiana University - South Bend, George Mason University, University of Notre Dame, Slippery Rock University, University of Miami, William and Mary, and St. Johns University for an impressive decade plus run of education.  His schooling allowed him to travel the country and he looks forward to sharing his favorite sites with his new associate.  As an accomplished athlete, he competed as a varsity wrestler at the D-1 level. In his free time, he has fun citing archaic legal jargon, with photography and using the word guffaw as many times per day as possible.

Billy is no rookie on the relationship circuit as he’s been in a pretty regular pattern of relationships, engagements and break-ups. Now it’s time for Billy’s appeal to love.  He’ll be a fan favorite for his rep as a fun guy with a big heart. Requests for Billy to be the next Bachelor came pouring in from two sources, lizandtimtv.blogspot.com. and his mother.

Billy longs to find that special someone who is intelligent, confident, energetic and spontaneous. He wants a partner and an advocate. He’s got a great family who won’t mind planning every detail of the wedding with or without the support of the bride and groom.

Will you hear Billy’s appeal for love on next season’s The Bachelor?

You don't watch the Bachelor???

Skip to the 3:10 mark.

The Bachelor Finale

Meet the Parents Dates

Tenley starts off the meet the parents date and knocks it out of the ballpark. She has Jake's Dad crying (no surprise for the Pavelka clan) and then gets Mrs. Pavelka crying. The Pavelkas fell in love with her. This is going to make it even more devastating when Jake picks Vienna. This date was very infomative. We found out that Jake likes to rough house, play, and be silly. Jake goes on to inform us that "jumping in the pool is what life is all about." Apparently, Jake's family also knows what life is all about, because they also jumped in for a group swim.

Vienna started out her date at a serious disadvantage since Tenley is perfect for Jake. The reception from the Pavelkas can only be described as icy. Vienna went on to call Jake's sister-in-law kind of fat. Crickets....crickets. Jake continued to defend Vienna to his family because Vienna didn't get a chance. Somehow, Vienna won over the Pavelkas. Maybe it's really hard to dislike a cross-eyed person?

Final dates

Vienna got the first date at an active volcano. Jake says, "How do you feel about sulfur?" to start off the date. This guy is such a dweeb. He further proved it by dipping the champagne glasses in the dirty mud water. Gross. Later on the date, Vienna gave Jake her "I'm not going to elope again ring." Listen to the way that sounds Jake!!!!! Just go ahead and call it the red flag ring. That's all it is. Jake gave the fans one glimmer of hope when he said that this was his last date with Vienna.

Vienna's date started with her Bachelor-approved running jump hug. Their charter boat ride date seemed more like an advertisement for St. Lucia than for Tenley. St. Lucia looks like Jurassic Park without T. Rex. Jake killed the romantic moments of the island by trying to differentiate between physical and sexual chemistry. Newsflash Jake: there is no difference. All Jake accomplished was giving Tenley an emotional spillover. At least Tenley's Mom warned Jake that she is prone to have those. Later in the date, the tables completely turned when Jake criticized Tenley for being PERFECT. You have to be kidding Jake. I didn't think it was possible to be gooberier (it's a word, I promise), but Jake has accomplished it.


Jake and the Ring

Jake started to pick the ring out with the real Neal Lane. Neal Lane is shocked when Jake says he hasn't picked which girl he's going to propose to. Jake said he's switching every thirty minutes about which girl to pick. I guess I know how Jakester feels. Here are some times in my life that I feel the same way:
1) Should I play Modern Warfare or NCAA Football?
2) Latte or drip coffee?
3) Light suit or dark suit?
4) One hour lunch or two hour lunch (two of course)?

Jake's Decision

Tenley was the first one out of the helicopter. Always a bad sign. Jake called Tenley perfect again. What a slap in the face. I wish Tenley would have slapped Jake in the face. Instead she decided to thank Jake for a bunch of crap I didn't care about. After her untimely exit, Liz points out that hopefully the limo is taking her straight to the therapist.

Vienna, the winner, then arrived. She won. Whatever. Jake screwed with her emotions a little. He does that because he's so silly and playful.

After the Final Rose

3 hours of he Bachelor in one night is a lot to deal with. I have been live blogging tonight, so I am reducing this to bullet points:
1) Tenley wanted to know what was wrong with her. It all comes down to the fantasy suite...wink!
2) It's the last episode and it's still shocking that Jake was the Bachelor.
3) Jake says he was looking for "protection" from his ideal woman. I think deep down Jake maybe wants to date Jean Claude Van Damme.

4) Vienna looks really different. Liz says it's the eyebrows.
5) Jeffrey Osborne live!!! My Bachelor dream has come true.
6) On the Wings of Love has to be their first dance, right? When I pose this question to Liz, she quickly replies "disgusting."