The Bachelor Finale: Chantal The Underdog

From Chantal's perspective going into this episode, she must have been quite nervous. She's going head-to-head against Emily, America's sweetheart. On the other hand, Chantal has prepped (i.e. had plastic surgery) as much as possible to get ready for this moment.

Brad's family arrived in Cape Town. Brad, like Chantal, was incredibly emotional. Chantal got to meet Chad and the not-so-good-looking younger brother. Chantal revealed that she knows she can fall in love quickly because she had been married before. Chad, the master of spin, sees this as a good thing because she must know what she wants since it didn't work out the first time.

Emily's date was next. While watching at home, Chantal must be feeling even better once Brad told his family that Emily has a daughter and a deceased baby daddy. Brad's family saw red flags. The mood was noticeably more somber compared to Chantal's date.

Brad used these words and phrases to describe Emily: "lady," "makes me be better," "sweet," "veneers," and "kind of boring." Okay, he only said 3 out of 5 of those, but Chantal definitely hopes Bradmund focuses on the latter two.

At the end of the two date, Brad's family says that they would prefer that he pick Emily. If Chantal had ever watched previous seasons of this show before, she would know that this is a good thing for her because the obvious favorite rarely wins (unless you count Jason Mesnick's season, when both of them kind of won).

Chantal then had her chance to get back in the driver's seat by facing her fears. She put Brad at ease in her wet suit by showing off her two plastic flotation devices. Loyal reader J. Mack of Florida knew that Chantal's life rafts would make a strong impression on this final episode.

Chantal must have been rejoicing at Emily's one-on-one date. Though it had a helicopter and romantic music, Emily ruined the mood by talking about how her life is not like the Bachelor Pad. Cue Chantal cackling at home about how Emily should have focused on cleavage rather than step parenting, trips to the hospital, and not being "ready."

Chantal responded with another cleavage shot followed up with a bathing suit . No one in America can say that Chantal didn't give it her all compared to Emily. Emily offered a life of emergency room visits and Chantal showed exactly what she will bring to the table.

Brad had a meeting with Neal Lane (yes, that Neal Lane). Chantal had to be thrilled with the ring Brad selected when compared to the first ring she had. I went online to try and find a photo, but the search term "chantal o'brien first wedding ring" didn't return g-rated photos.

Chantal was the first lady out of the limo. That used to be a bad sign, but lately, this is not indicative of anything. And then the moment arrived: Chantal wins! Chantal wins! Chantal wins! Wait a second. Chantal lost. As usual, Bradmund wanted to talk it out. Chantal was having none of it.

Emily followed up by taking the final rose. Chantal must be upset at this finale, but there's no shame in losing to Emily. Losing to CEMII or Bartender Stacy would have been a whole other ballgame.

Chantal had something very special to offer Brad: capital. Her family could have definitely put up the money to expand the Brad/Chad restaurant chain to Seattle. Chantal and Brad could have opened a Bachelor-themed restaurant.

Some of the suggested menu items based on the finale and this season:

Shark Fin Soup: face your biggest fears like they do on the Bachelor

The Harrison/Womack Sampler: the best appetizers of Texas with a hint of rosewater

Slap Chop Pork Chops: hand slapped pork chops reminiscent of a first date

The Brad Burger: looks well put together, but deep down is plain and uninteresting

The Big Deal Baked Ziti: because with Brad, everything is a big deal

38 Oz. Steak: once ounce for every year Brad has been alive (you probably only thought it was going to be a 32 ouncer)

Featured Beer - Blonde Lager: much less fun than a dark ale

Chocolate Cake: this is why you came here...for the right reasons

In conclusion, the lesson of this season is that she who has the most helicopter rides, wins.