The Bachelor: Sonoma Ben's Final Vintage

Well this finale started off with quite the teaser. Harrison said this will be the most "controversial finale in Bachelor history." How could it be more controversial than Brad picking neither girl? Or Mesnick pulling a switcheroo and choosing the other girl? Maybe he'll do a sweep kick on the loser?

I've done a little research to find out how people around the country are celebrating.

Looks like they're drinking wine in Michigan:

;

It's all about the final rose caramel brownies in Florida:

Ben's sister, Sonoma Benjamina, and his Mom flew to Switzerland to meet the ladies. Seabiscuit was up first. After seeing Ben's sister, Ben's severely parted hair makes more sense. The Flajniks are a family of center parts. Never forget the early 90s!!!

Seabiscuit stumbled out of the gate when she had to talk to humans and not horses. Around the first turn, she continued to falter by talking trash about House B to Benjamina. Seabiscuit was strong down the stretch when Benjamina took the HB gossip well.

Courtney arrived at the Chateau Flajnik to meet the family. Benjamina and Mom were not thrilled to meet a model. Apparently "model" is a bad word. Benjamina confronted HB about how she did not get along well with the other girls. HB, proving that models might be as boring as advertised, had very little to say.

Benjamina, showing she is not a good judge of character, said that she was "shocked" and "blown away" by how great HB is. Watching the whole season must have been a tough ego blow to her character judgment skills.

Last Date #1: Seabiscuit Linzieysz

Ben and Biscuit took a horse-drawn carriage through Zermatt for their date. Why are they called horse "drawn" and not horse "pulled?" I'll bet the Biscuit knows the answer. Could someone ask Jeeves for me?

While on a gondola trip up to see the Matterhorn Yeti, Ben told the Biscuit that he could see a life with her, "having kids in Florida." That's a pretty jacked-up thing to say to someone he's likely going to reject in about an 1 1/2 hours (TV time).

Can we please take a moment of silence for all the awkward moments of silence on this date?

Now that we're talking again, we get to hear more wisdom from the Biscuit. She says that "hindsight is weird." Some say it's also 20/20, but what do I know, I'm just a Bachelor blogger.

This date is so boring. When do we get to see Neil Lane!?

Last Date #2: House B Courtney

House B started off the date by saying that Ben has a lot of "depth." Ben's about as deep as the shallow end. Like how I did that? Get it? The shallow end, at least at my Grandma's pool, was not very deep. Like Ben.

Ben and House B took a helicopter up to a lake on the top of the Matterhorn for a picnic. HB proclaimed, "this is what I've been waiting for." What luck! Good thing she wasn't waiting all this time to take a submarine to the bottom of the Red Sea for brunch.

House B got Ben a gift. It looked like it was going to be a Blakeley-esque scrapbook. Turned out it was just a crapbook. It was three pictures of their dates with the caption, "I love you." She also read Ben a love note that sounded like Fleiss and Co. wrote it for her. I keep telling people that the love on this show is real, but I might be starting to doubt myself. Like Santa Claus, I just want to believe.

Neil Lane

"Hi, I'm Neil Lane." NO CRAP YOU'RE NEIL LANE. We've waited all season for this. You don't need to introduce yourself, buddy. Neil Lane's got princess cuts, baguettes, and firm handshakes.

With Neil Lane's blessing, how could anything go wrong?

Controversy

Harrison promised us that this would be the most controversial finale ever. It's official. Both of the ladies wore capes for the final rose. Who wears capes? In my book, that seems controversial. I expect everyone will be talking about those capes tomorrow.

First Out of the Helicopter - Seabiscuit

It's always a bad omen to be the first one out of the helicopter. Tonight was no different. After giving an uncomfortable speech about how much she's in love, Ben sent the Biscuit packing.

In what will surely become a legendary Bachelor line, the Biscuit said, "if things don't work out, call me."

Second Out of the Helicopter - House B

It's always a good omen to be the second person out of the helicopter (especially after the first person gets rejected). Though it seemed like Ben was going to pull a Womack and reject House B also, he turned it around and proposed to House B.

So I guess the controversy was just that he picked HB? That seems pretty weak Harrison!

After the Final Rose Highlights

• Chris Harrison really excels at moments like this. He's a true "Final Rose/Tell All" professional.
• Ben loves House B, but not the House B he saw on TV.
• Ben swears he hasn't cheated on HB (the pictures are old).
• I can't believe I'm still awake watching this show.
• Ben abandoned HB when she needed him.
• HB "thinks" they're still together.
• It's complicated.
• HB can't trust Ben completely (prediction: this isn't going to last).
• I'm fading fast. Save me Harrison.
• Crying, crying, more crying.
• No ring on HB's finger, but Harrison is there WITH THE RING - - - and Ben follows through with a re-proposal.
• The Dental Student and JP were there, as annoying as ever.
• With great relief, this season is over!