The Bachelorette Episode 10: JoJo's Finale

Like it is Christmas Eve, I can't wait to start this episode.  The anticipation is almost too much.  With a bourbon in hand (and some farmer's market melon...thanks Mrs. Wags!), the time has arrived for the best part of the season.  NEIL LANE!!!

Black suit, no tie?  It's a lock.

Other than Neil Lane, I am also excited to see JoJo's drunk mom, JoJo's meathead brothers, some Chris Harrison counseling sessions, the possibility of a full-Mesnick, and pensive solo walks on the beach.  Let's begin...

The episode started off with Harrison describing this as the "3 hour finale."  Sorry loyal readers, I have only budgeted two hours of energy for this episode.  This blog post is pulling into the station at 10 p.m.  

Guess what?  JoJo has fallen in love with both men. Tell us something we don't know.  JoJo announced to her family that she "thinks she loves both of them."  As though she's never watched the show before, JoJo's drunk mom looked shocked by this not-news.  

QB4 Meets the Fam

JoJo's mom introduced herself as "JoJo's Mom."  This was not a mystery; she definitely will not be mistaken for JoJo's sister.  

How did JoJo's parents meet?    

Two peas in a pod, a very drunk pod.

They all seemed to like QB4, though he did not ask for her hand in marriage.

Swimmer Robby Meets the Fam

Robby started off by calling her "Jo."  So last week he called her "Joelle" and this week it's Jo.  Swimmer thinks he's going to win this thing on nicknames.  

JoJo's mom liked Robby's "gentleman demeanor" and how he "wasn't flying off the roof."  I haven't seen her take one drink, but she definitely strings thoughts together like a perma-drunk.  

The meathead brothers, wearing matching khakis, told JoJo that she needs to think about her choice as more than a New Year's Eve date, and focus on kids and buying a home.  Since both of these guys are former mediocre pro athletes, she might want to go in the time machine and pick a guy with some more potential.  

Robby asked "Dr. Fletcher" for "Joelle Hannah Fletcher's" hand in marriage.  Robert Chadwick Barnes, permission granted.  

Family Recap

The family is highly in favor of Robert.  On the other hand, QB4's hairspray might be too much to turn down (and the meathead brothers seem to like the chance to meet QB1.)  

There was another woman in the room that never said a word.  Is that JoJo's sister?  Sister-in-law?  Cousin?  One thing was clear though, Fleiss and Co. did not have any interest in her opinion.  

In case you were wondering, JoJo is in love with both of them and doesn't know what to do.  

Swimmer's Final Date

JoJo planned a beach date.  I'll bet Swimmer was a little bit nervous to get his hair wet because of all the time he spent working on it. 

Swimmer described his dream life: sitting on a comfortable couch with a dog next to them, the kids asleep in the next room while dinner was in the oven.  I looked over at Mrs. Wags with tears welling up in my eyes, ready to point out that Swimmer described our life to a T.  Before my emotions took over, Mrs. Wags pointed out that our oven doesn't work and shoots out fireballs.  Also, our dog ruined the moment by farting on me.  Thanks Birdie. 

It's getting fixed on Saturday.  Don't worry.

Joelle seems very into Robert.  He's obviously the right choice.  Robert provides the "love she's been waiting for" and could lead to a "lifetime of happiness."  All of this means she's likely to choose QB4.  

QB4's Final Date

The date started off with a boat ride.  The marina flew the flag of Thailand.   

Brought to you courtesy...of the Red, White, and Blue.

QB4 and JoJo discussed the family time.  JoJo expressed concern that QB4 didn't ask her dad for permission.  JoJo now doubts that QB4 is ready.  QB4 replied, "I'm so much more than ready."  But he didn't ask permission because of Robby.  Like his playing career, he was only ready if the starter went down.  

I was a little bit distracted by QB4's lies about how much he loves her, but I was really distracted vy how our TV couldn't contain his hair.  

Not even photoshopped.

The evening ended, and all I could think of was the wisdom of Stevie Nicks:

No more broken hearts
We're better off apart
Let's give it a try
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies

NEIL LANE

As predicted (and desired), Neil Lane showed up in tropical Phuket in a summery black suit.  Both Robby and QB4 chose rings that were approximately 7.5 carats.  These guys should go big considering neither of them have real careers or an ability to pay for a ring of such magnitude. 

Neil's time on the show ended so quickly, but it worth watching 12 hours of this show to get to those special three minutes.  

The Final Rose

For the first time in the episode, we got to see Harrison outside of the studio.  It feels like JoJo's decision would have been much easier had she sought his counsel.  

First out of the limo (a.k.a. kiss of death): Swimmer Robert.  Though he approached in a cloud of confidence, Joelle quickly broke his heart.  Like a true gentleman (or someone trying out for a soap opera), Robby just wants her to find happiness.  Mrs. Wags feels bad for JoJo because Robby had the better ring.  

As expected, JoJo chose QB4.  

Good luck with this guy.