The Bachelor Episode 10: Finale Part 1

Whiskey.  Check.  Ice Cream.  Check.  Neil Lane?  Seems unlikely.  Maybe a producer will be heard in the background saying, "Get Neil NOW!" like the producer in the background said, "Get Chris NOW!" last week.  I can only hope because I don't see a scenario necessitating his appearance right now.  Wait a second.  Maybe that's why Neil Lane showed up during the Live Season Premiere?  It makes too much sense.  

Just drawing some diamond ring designs in my casual black suit.

At the beginning of the episode, Colton is still lost in the forest like a tay in the wind.  

First ever Nell reference on our blog?

Fleiss and Co. were all chasing after him like a search party canvassing for a lost neighborhood dog.  Snickers!  Here Snickers!  Sniiiiiiickers!!!

They all got in vans.  One van went "left" and the other went "right."  Good plan.  I think Neil Land might be more skilled at leading this search party.

Harrison suggested calling the policia.  I'd love to hear that conversation with Harrison explaining to the Portuguese police that they are from a reality dating show and the lead bachelor ran away.  

They finally found Colton.  Colton said he wants to be done with the show completely.  Harrison tried to comfort him by reminding him he has two backup options in Tay Tay and Other Hannah.  Ouch.

After a commercial break, Harrison showed up at Colton's hotel room.  Colton did not leave the show.  Neil Lane is still in play.

Colton described how he's in love with Cassie and no one else.  Harrison dropped the what-if-she's-not-that-into-you?  Colton turned full psychopath and said, "I think she loves me."  I think it was pretty clear from last week that Harrison is correct.  I hope he chases Cassie to Huntington Beach and then Papa Cass (best Dugan nickname) blocks the relationship again.  

First order of business: break up with Tay Tay.  After he broke up with her, he couldn't stop sobbing. Then she started sobbing.  Then I started sobbing because I finished my ice cream.

After skipping all of the in-studio stuff, the episode returned to third wheel Other Hannah.  Colton showed up at her hotel room looking like the grimmest of reapers. 

He broke up with her too because she "doesn't deserve to be anyone's second choice."  Though it sounds like he pulled this line from the last romance novel he read, it's a nice sentiment.  

For as great as last week's episode was, this one has been a real snooze.  Near the end of the episode, Harrison delivered the QOTN: "For the first time ever, there are no women left on the show."  

Until tomorrow, in Huntington Beach.