Emily begins with a recap of last week when she “didn’t send
someone home.” “WHAT?!,” say Egg Man and Uncle Rico. Where are Egg Man and
Uncle Rico if they weren’t sent home? Does Bachelorette Limbo exist? In the Divine Comedy poem Inferno, Dante depicts Limbo
as the first circle of Hell, where its denizens inhabit a brightly lit and
beautiful—but somber—castle. Bachelor Pad? Who else is in Bachelorette Limbo?
Back in the Czech Republic, there will be 3 one-on-ones and
some Group Action in the final episode before hometowns. There will be no rose
on the one-on-ones and one up for grabs on the group date.
Indy Arie and The
Secret
Emily invites Indy Arie to czech out Prague on the episode’s
first one-on-one date. She knows his secret but wants Arie to volunteer the
information. This turns out to be an awful fishing expedition for some deep,
dark secret that never materializes.
Back at the Bachelor mansion, Harrison interrupts the
episode to introduce himself
“Hi, I’m Chris Harrison…” Really, Chris? We are on episode 7
of season 8, Chris, and we know who you are. The big secret? Indy Arie dated Bachelor/ette
producer Cassie Lambert.
Emily continues throwing out questions but Arie isn’t
biting.
Harrison re-introduces himself (seriously, he did) and
explains Emily, Arie and Cassie discussed his past relationship. Arie is 30. He
has known Cassie for 10 years. Meaning this was when he was 20 and it was a “brief
relationship.” Mrs. Dugan and guests are pretty confidant that it was a
one-night stand.
Indy Arie says “I love you” and gets to stay on the show.
The Wolf Alone
The Wolf - why the hell is this guy still on the show – has the
next one on one. Mrs. Dugan brings up another great point: “This is the tamest
guy I have ever seen named ‘Wolf.’” What did he do to become “Wolf”? Guest Kristin
wonders whether he is Frank-the-Tankesque and turns into “Wolf” when he
drinks.
Wolf explains his reticence. He has a hard shell inherited from
his father.
After the Lenin wall and Lock gate, Emily and Wolf go back
to their dating roots. In a nod to their two-on-one Bermuda Cave date, Emily
brings the Wolf to a dungeon. As our loyal readers know, dialogue in this show
makes it must see TV. Watch and listen closely to the Wolf discuss his most recent relationship.
“As I age, I date girls that are more like me.” Seems pretty
innocuous. But when explaining that the former girlfriend went off the grid
cheating with “Doctor Dude,” where did the Wolf look for her? “Hospitals, then
prisons.” PRISONS WERE THE SECOND PLACE HE MENTIONED. If Mrs. Dugan is missing,
it is going to take me a while to get to prisons.
Some Side Notes
- Emily calls the Wolf a Closer and Sean “closes” his date. Hmmmmmmm.
- Sean. Can a guy without a nickname win?
- Bobblehead Chris is losing it back with the guys. He decided to drink and sit on a ledge. Totally normal.
Castle Time with Sean,
Father Doug and Bobblehead
Father Doug looks like he is chaperoning the 2 on 1 date. Doug
is squarely in the Friend Zone and starting to remind me of Brent from 2001-2002
Tank Movie of the Year, “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.”
Doug’s terrible body language precedes an awkward kiss
followed by quote of the night material from Emily: “Thank you for that.” Emily puts him out of his misery and pushes
him off Bachelor cliff.
Doug, quivering, “Did I do something wrong?” YES.
Group Date becomes
a Two-on-One
Sean’s got a big key, no nickname, more kisses, and a rose.
Bobblehead has a crumbling psyche.
Emily: “I hope you don’t take it personally”
Bobblehead Chris: “I am pissed off. If I don’t get a hometown date, I’ll
be scared for everyone around me.” Father material for Ricki.
SLC Jef, Puppet Master
Fleiss & Co’s Bachelorette budget is on fumes as SLC Jef
and Emily take a date to a Prague bodega and lie on a library floor. I enjoyed
the SLC Jef pun when he picked up a puppet for Emily’s daughter: “we couldn’t leave
Ricki hanging…” Chortle.
Puppet action, the L bomb and some SLC Jef family talk. Who
doesn’t want to meet them? His family is really private and not open to the
world.
Rose Ceremony
Bobblehead is continuing his demise. We are watching a man break
down on TV. And we thought the Wolf was a goner. Wolf brought out his secret
weapon - Bobbleheads’ tendency for foot in mouth issues. Emily saves Bobblehead via shortcutting the
cocktail hour and going right for the roses. She doesn’t get to see how desperate
Bobblehead has become….or does she.
SLC Jef
Indy Arie
Now, is it the guy named “Wolf” or the guy crying?
After a short pep talk where Bobblehead Chris could not have been more
pathetic, Emily chooses…
CHRIS!
WTF?
Posts
