The "I'm Falling In Love With Two People" Episode, a.k.a., The Finale.

Sad news for fans of the blog. Tim mistakenly thought the finale was live and flew to Hawaii to propose to Jillian along with everyone else. However, Dugan is here to fill in (and had some formatting issues) and provide a recap for those who prefer a juvenile review of things.

SPOILER ALERT for West Coast fans. Do not read any further.

Jillian starts the episode by introducing E.D. and Kiptyn to her family. E.D. gets first crack at the Canadians. For those that remember Jason’s visit with Jillian’s family, hot cousin Tory is back. You get the feeling she would kill to be in Jillian’s position. E.D. is heartfelt explaining his decision to leave and come back. Mrs. Dugan pointed out that Jillian may have another Bachelor on her mind during her talk with mom. She is giving signals via suggestive foot movements. At home, Tanner P can barely contain himself.

Mom approves of E.D., but we will see later that Kiptyn is her choice. Meanwhile, things go very well with Jillian’s dad. E.D. feels pretty comfortable enough to forgo the “Mr.” and throws out the first name, “Glen”. He even asks Glen for his daughter’s hand in marriage. These conversations usually don’t happen barefoot. They also are not usually followed by male on male coconut bikini top wearing grinding. Sadly, that outfit was still better than the green shorts.

It’s Kiptyn’s turn to melt the hearts of the Canadian women. As for Jillian, it’s par for the course – not much talking…back to sucking face. Kiptyn has a tough hill to climb. He’s a good looking, wealthy, nice, surfer, volunteer, with nine pack abs and a love for the ocean. His resume is like Dr. Baldwin but normal. Kiptyn passes the mom and cousin test with flying colors. Pretty sure he just let the cousin make out with him – his best move. Glen fires away asking if Kiptyn’s in love?

His answer ends the show: “I’m getting there…” If he isn’t there yet, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Grandma is confused why she keeps getting dragged on reality dating shows. Hot cousin and mom come out for Team Kiptyn and Glen is firmly behind E.D. Jillian needs some “girl talk” with Tory before she is ready to choose. Who knew that “girl talk” = “I want to rip your clothes off talk?” I did not. Jillian explains that she shares those feelings for Kiptyn…no shit. But E.D. left something to be desired in the fantasy suite.

Mrs. Dugan points out that E.D. better pull through in the fantasy suite. Last opportunity for E.D. and he knows it. It’s cliché time for E.D.: ”Tonight’s got to be a success.” “I have to seal the deal.” He knows he can’t mess this up and busts out his best gray tank top.

While slightly more hetero than Richard Simmons tank top, E.D. is still facing an uphill battle. ABC is crushing his issues having Jillian takes E.D. to a volcano. That’s just mean. E.D. compares her to a “best guy friend” then busts out his green daisy dukes.

Fantasy Suite Time.

Is E.D. a closer? Volcano erupts. Coffee for Ed.

Kiptyn is in trouble. Ed fixed his one fault in Jillian’s eyes. He’s going to have to separate himself from Ed. Luckily, it’s a beach date and Kiptyn busts out the abs and is ready for Jillian to forget about Ed’s school project volcano. Kiptyn knows he has to lay it on the line. Might have to drop the L word. Close, but no cigar “I’m falling in love with you…”. Two strikes for Kiptyn. Kiptyn gives one last pitch explaining that his life and friends are amazing. Jillian was so confused. Kiptyn was actually using words. Up until this episode, she had only heard the “waah wah wah waah” of Charlie Brown teacher when Kiptyn spoke.

Jillian received two letters in her hotel room. Ed went to Walgreens and got a greeting card. Kiptyn used indigo on a scroll his family saved for generations. These guys couldn’t be more different and Jillian pretends she is falling equally in love with both.

Way off topic, but Ed’s hotel was strangely reminiscent. Then it hit me. Saved by the Bell in Hawaii episode.

As we are approaching the final rose ceremony, all faithful bachelorette fans know that Reid has not yet surfaced. Both men getting ready and looking ready to propose. Kiptyn is first out of the limo. Did he where a purple suit? Kiptyn is talking about their time together, his feelings…waiting for her to stop him before he gets too far. Jillian eventually steps in and explains that while things (outside of the bedroom) moved too slowly and she “fell in love with somebody else”

Kiptyn did everything he could to muster the fake tears needed to secure the next bachelor spot. FAIL. Now its Reid’s turn to fail. He comes back to finally explain his feelings and propose. Reid finally gets the words out and opens up like he should have all along…things just became clear after he got cut.

Jillian seems genuinely confused. Jillian seems more broken up about Reid coming back and professing his love than cutting Kiptyn. I am thinking about something else. What happen to Kiptyn and Reid’s rings? I assume ABC buys the final two guys…but Reid might be going to the pawn shop on the way to the airport.

Ed’s limo finally finds the right house. He starts. She’s grinning. Must have given him the confidence he needed. Before he proposes, he needs to hear one thing. And Jillian says it: She loves him and has wanted to tell him forever. Happily ever after. One of the most “nomal” guys to ever win. Good luck, kids. You provided a great season, as always.