Wes and the Dark Side

You might wonder why that picture is above. If you look closely, you'll notice that it's a cute bird. It's pretty and blue and has neat spots. It also has one leg. If that's the first thing you noticed, you might have a girlfriend back in Texas named Laurel.

This week's Bachelorette was wildly entertaining even though we all knew exactly who was going home. All of the dates took place in Spain. Jillian, not quite looking her best, had dates with Kiptyn, Reid, and Ed. The qualities of all three of these gentlemen could make up one "Super Bachelor," but more on that later

The final date, if you can call it that was with Wes. This date was truly the pièce de résistance of the whole show. Wes arrived in Spain uninterested. He has already won this competition in his head. During his date he seemed distant and unaffectionate. At this point, every Bachelor(ette) fan knows that you must wear your heart on your sleeve. But during a deeply romantic picnic, Wes could only focus on food and feet...bird feet that is. At one point, Wes slipped and said he had a girlfriend. As Jillian started to cry, the not-so-slick waiter brought over the invitation to the fantasy suite on a silver platter. He might as well have brought a human head. As Jillian was literally crying, Wes said, "I think we should do it." Date over on the spot. Easily the worst dream date in Bachelor history.

But the fun had barely begun. At the rose ceremony sans Chris Harrison (no passport?), Wes was obviously going to lose (even though I had a slight twinge that the producers might step in one more time and give Wes one more chance). Jillian made the right choice 4 weeks late and got rid of Wes.

The time had come. Wes's inevitable limo ride. We had waited all season for this moment. AND WES DELIVERED!!! In a delightful nutshell, Wes admitted having a girlfriend, making it the furthest of any person with a girlfriend, wanting to sell records, and wanting to have lots of sex now that he's off the show. Wes finally embraced the dark side completely and turned into pure evil. This was the first episode of the season that I saved so I could rewatch all Wes-related scenes.

Here's my theory on the three remaining Bachelors. If you combined Reid's personality, Ed's wordsmith abilities, and Kiptyn's looks, Jillian would have the Super Bachelor. It's really too bad that science has not advanced far enough to make this happen. Instead, the Bachelorette with the lowest self-esteem in Bachelorette history is on the verge of a very difficult decision.

Remember everyone, loving you don't take that long. Goodbye Wes.