The episode began with group dates. Roz (don't worry, we'll get there) was joined by the Bennigan's waitress (Christina), The Kissimmee Queen (Corrie), the Cougar (Valishia), Ashleigh, and the OctoJolie (Gia). Christina knocked back drinks trying to gain confidence as the other waif-thin women showed their modeling stuff and Roz did her best Britney Spears imitation. From the photoshoot, we got some pool time and bikinis. The Bachelor makes it seem like bikinis are a daily part of every twenty-something's life. We also learned that the Cougar leads women's bible studies free of charge - that could lead to a lot of fun depending on how the season progresses. As Gia explains she was shy and unpopular growing up, things were getting interesting back at the house. The date card came for the one-on-one and Crazy Eyes (as an aside, I have a friend whose dog I call "Crazy Eyes" even though his name is Spencer. For purposes of Dugan's blog entries, Spencer = "Crazy Eyes" = Michelle) likes diamonds as much as she likes Jake.
Moving on, Cristina was opening up about her insecurities as the best looking girl on set stole Jake away - leading to the line of the night: "we need shots!" I think Christina would have had a better chance if she put on her Bennigan's uniform, with as much flair as possible and served up some tasty apps to Jake. Nonetheless, Roz had her tongue to feed Jake and she received the group date rose even though he admits she is "mysterious" and "out of his comfort zone." Mrs. Dugan quickly claims she is the "Wes" of this season but Wes, as we will soon find out, lasted much longer.
The one-on-one had Mrs. Dugan's favorite, Ali, flying high. That was an appropriate start because it ended with the crash landing of the band Chicago's career. Ali and Jake's date went well, she only dates men whose name starts with J (Jim, Jason, Jared, Jordan...) and it had the best song of the season (listen here).
We had another group date which included Ashley (mom sends lingerie), "Tori Spelling" Elizabeth, Jessie, Vienna and Kathryn (flight attendant who wears wedding ring) at Wallyworld. If only John Candy could have been held at gunpoint by Jake as he brings his bevy of beauties around the carnival. Elizabeth Spelling drops a bombshell that she doesn't want a kiss until the end as the other girls lament her throwing herself at Jake - great editing by the staff at ABC (wait for it...). Vienna starts getting dramatic about her romantic past as Ashley brings fresh drinks...awesome timing.
Sadly, the best part of this group date was the fact that Crazy Eyes was not on it and threw a tantrum and threatened to leave. Tenley and Momma Ella, the only others to not receive one-on-one time seemed to cope fine and all ended the week with a rose, fwiw.
Drama Alert:
You hear a lot of catch phrases every week on the Bachelor that it gets pretty humorous or lame - depending on whether you have as much to drink as Christina while watching. Trust me, it helps. "Never before," "For the first time ever," "Hardest decision yet," "Most romantic ever," "Most dramatic..." blah blah blah.
But last night's episode lived up to it. Great drama. Roz gets booted off the show for an "inappropriate relationship" with a staffer. I think its funny that the leader of the free world can "Keep on Truckin'" but ABC takes itself so seriously that Roz has to go. Get a clue, ABC. She was the hottest contestant and would have kept more viewers. Chris Harrison did a great job in an uncomfortable moment as he feigned true feelings for the show's mission and its contestants' feelings. And Dugan has been forwarded many versions of what truly happened that night but is not believing some of the reports that picture Roz a victim of the vast ABC ratings conspiracy. Dugan's first issue with the reports are Roz's actual words. She was accused by Harrison and she did not deny it any way, shape or form. She claimed instead that other women have men at home. However, none of the women packed their men in their suitcases and are continuing their relationship while in the mansion. Dugan finds it hard to believe this is the first time this has happened in the many seasons, but we'll let Roz take the fall. The other issue I have is the same sites that paint Roz the victim also predict Vienna going far and perhaps winning the whole show.
This is not to say that Vienna doesn't or won't win. But I expected pilots to have better eyes. Sadly, the blog has not taken off and I still have to do some legal work in between blog posts and cannot hunt down all the Bachelor related posts on the internet to verify the posts.
When Roz got the boot, another lady was saved. Michelle didn't have enough flair and joined her along with the teacher whose mom sends lingerie, Ashley. Crazy Eyes is back for another week and Dugan's loving it.
Till next week fans.
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I believe the reports about Rozlyn and the ABC coverup. Chris went out of his way to keep saying inappropriate relationship. Just say they were bumping nasties if that's what was going on. Plus I don't trust Mr. Harrison. He is a failed TVG broadcaster.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks to Dugan for taking the lead on the post this week. Hilarious observations/summary.
ReplyDeleteI have a couple thoughts I'd like to add.
1) The Roz scandal was perfect. I enjoyed how Chris kept referring to the man as a "staffer." Does he work at the White House? I can't remember ever hearing the term staffer outside of a Presidential context. I looked in the dictionary to confirm my suspicions and found that staffer is defined as "an employee who is a member of a staff of workers (especially a member of the staff that works for the President of the United States)." Looks like I was right.
2) I found it surprising that all of the girls were crying when they found out that Rozlyn had had an inappropriate relationship with said staffer. Shouldn't they have been cheering that the skinny-implant-model-who-looks-like-Kim-Raver-from-24-and-Grey's-Anatomy got the boot? I guess the only logical explanation is that they feel bad for Jake's pain. That seems contrived. But I this is what we thrive on as an audience: contrived emotion. So maybe I should be cheering their tears. Maybe I'm the problem.
3) This episode had some Bachelor(ette) staples:
a) If you're on the Bachelor and end up in the pool, you WILL be having a chicken fight. I wish chicken fights were replaced with Marco Polo. I'd love to see one of the girls faceplant into the side of the pool.
b) It is required that a girl comment about how great it is to see Jake "doing what he loves." Ali said this on their one-on-one. What if you were an oil rig operator (a la Brad). "I just love seeing him pump gas. He loves to work with oil."
c) The "reasons" that someone is on the Bachelor are always questioned and always a mystery. Crazy Eyes Michelle is there for the right reasons. Jake is there for the right reasons. Some of the other girls, who knows?
4) Liz had a great joke during Ali's one-on-one. Liz said she felt bad for Ali because her last boyfriend slept with her roomate and unfortunately, Jake is going to sleep with Ali's roomates too.
5) I can't stop singing "On the Wings of Love." Ringtone please.
Ok, Here's my list of notes from the episode:
ReplyDeleteBest line of the night:
"THIS COCKTAIL PARTY IS OVER!" -Chris wraps up his night of hypocritical parenting by using this fun killing phrase.
Personal Accomplishment:
I found a way to watch this show in the privacy of my own room -
HULU, 6 hours after it airs (yea, I was up). The worst part is that the commercials are unavoidable and repetitive - I def. don't want to see the movie lovely bones or get lectured by goose/dr. green about diseases
Male Show Steelers of the Show;
Lots of eye candy but men did a good job stealing scenes. Jake was sporting a Qneck collared shirt (an almost navel deep neck line worn almost exclusively by Quint Jones). The only thing that could overshadow jake's shirt was Mr. Handlebar Mustache Photographer - after Rollie fingers was done taking pictures - they all get in the Pool. Jake uses his old prison trick and smuggles the rose past the other girls in his backdoor hiding place and gives out the first rose.
Hyperbole of the Show:
There's nothing like dancing under the stars in California's #1 "A-list" destination for golfers and Outlet, complete with a live performance by Air Supply, who had earlier played at a 50th wedding anniversary.
Crazy Award:
WHOA! Elizabeth's speech puts her in Melissa territory, then she touts
her time management skills to the other girls. Oh and by the way, if
Jake wasn't the social equivalent of Charles Barkley's golf swing
(Hilarious SNL clip also on HULU btw) Elizabeth's kiss embargo
wouldn't have lasted through a group date. Side note: Am I way off or did
they spend 16+ hours at 6 flags? It looked like they got there at
sunrise and were there well past midnight. Miserable.
Forced Drama Award:
Jake is rightfully super perplexed that the girl who flashed her
cooter at the photo shoot might not be the most patient girl and
apparently had to satisfy some needs while Jake was on his marathon
amusement park date. I vote that Rozlyn get's counted as the first
girl to 'opt out'
Tracking My Favorite:
Corrie. She hasn't said anything since she got out of the Limo. Which means she hasn't continuously lied about how she is in love with Jake. But she's still getting roses. So, either she's not being featured yet because she's not interesting/drama filled enough for airtime but she's nowhere near the chopping block, thus no need to get attached (remember we didn't really hear a whole lot from Jillian after the hot dog theory until the last 4 or 5 weeks). Or maybe she's banging Stephen McPherson.