So the episode started off with Kim announcing that she's engaged to Kris, and Khloe is angry. Oh wait, I accidentally started Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Damn DVR.
The Bachelorette started off with Tour Guide El Douche explaining the romantic monk-infested city of Chiang Mai. Everyone seems to agree that it is the perfect place to fall in love. I've always felt the same way. Nothing is more romantic than monks in saffron colored robes.
They cut to Ashley in a mini-skirt, talking about how she thinks she might get her "happy ending" in Thailand. I'm now realizing the wine was a bad idea. I can't stop laughing about the happy ending. GROW UP TIM. Pull yourself together.
One-on-One #1: Sonoma Ben
Sonoma Ben and Ashley started their date with a ride in a taxi that looked quite similar to Urkel's car from Family Matters. Hopefully Sonoma Ben can channel Stefan Urquelle for his date. The Urkel Mobile dropped them off in a market with street food. After trying one serving of Pad Thai, they headed over to an umbrella factory. Ashley is becoming more and more attracted to Sonoma Ben. Wait until you try his Pinot.
They were ready to have a romantic kiss, but they apparently are not allowed to kiss near a temple. They shared a "mental kiss." I took a quick poll of WWT readers and found that 10 out of 10 readers think mental kisses are dumb.
Ashley personally organized a romantic dinner for Sonoma Ben. He said he was really impressed with the intricate flowers and candles. I'm calling BS. The date progressed with Sonoma Ben talking about his wine lifestyle and his day-to-day during the harvest season. Sonoma Ben just locked up a hometown date. Then Sonoma Ben just continued dominating this date by talking about his deceased father and then how he envisions his day-to-day life just sitting in the vineyards with his friends and Ashley. He got a rose and might be helping Ashley get over Bentley (even though he kind of has a similar name).
Group Date: Greek Groban, El Douche, Nick, The Only Dentist, Lucas Oil, Solar Ryan, Cupcake, and Kissey Mickey
The date started off with Ashley warming up with some Muay Thai boxing. Bravo Fleiss & Co. It only took half an hour to see Ashley's toned abs. She's sexy, remember?
Lucas Oil informed us that he's never done Muay Thai boxing, but he has been in some "street fights." El Douche, on the other hand, has never been in a fight. C'mon El Douche, give yourself some credit. An Academic Decathalon counts as a fight.
The guys pulled up to Tienanmen Square to do some public Muay Thai fighting against each other.
Round 1: The Only Dentist vs. Lucas Oil. The guys clobbered each other with multiple face punches. The Dentist won. Ashley realized at this point that the date maybe was not a good idea. On the contrary, Fleiss & Co. think it's a very good idea.
Round 2: Kissey vs. Cupcake. Cupcake made a comeback and proved that he represents Queens while Kissey was raised out in Brooklyn. Cupcake wins.
Round 3: El Douche vs. Solar Ryan. Solar Ryan repped the West Coast well by destroying El Douche. Take that, Mathlete.
Round 4: Nick vs. Greek Groban. Their fight, while interesting, was interrupted by El Douche staring off in the distance. Ashley went to try and treat El Douche's concussion symptoms, but then remembered that she's a dentist.
El Douche had to go to the hospital wearing his hot pink ankle pads. You know what they say about Thai emergency rooms, right? Never a happy ending.
As they cut to the evening portion of the date, Ashley notes that there's a "dark cloud" over the date because El Douche was in the ER. Fortunately, El Douche evaporated the cloud by showing up. Unfortunately, El Douche's mild concussion has instantly transformed him from George to Lennie.
Lucas Oil gave Ashley a golf lesson. Somehow, their little trip down fake driving range lane was a real turn-on for Ashley. I've never thought golf was that sexy, but I have never owned my own set of clubs, so what do I know?
The rose, strangely, went to the Only Dentist. I would have bet big money that El Douche would have gotten it for his concussion.
The Dreaded Two-on-One: LL Ben and Cell Phone Bill
The date started off with a walk through a wolf farm. Who knew that wolf farms existed? Maybe I do want to go to Thailand after all. Friendly wolves all over the place just running free. Sounds like an adventurecation.
Cell Phone Bill got sneaky and reported that LL Ben was eager to get back to Match.com in the US. Ashley continues to be worried that the guys are not there for the right reasons. She was so worried that she sent LL Ben home on the spot. LL Ben said he was just joking about online dating. Who just jokes about their desire to participate in online dating? LL Ben seemed quite creepy on the way out. Probably a good thing that he's gone. You definitely can't trust the lawyers this season.
Now that LL is gone, Cell Phone Bill thinks he has the rose in the bag, but Ashley cannot find the spark with Cell Phone. Cell Phone Bill is leaving because he is a self-proclaimed "boy" who does not want to grow up. Does that sound like husband material? I don't think so. Maybe he should try writing a blog. That's a much more grown-up hobby.
For those of you counting at home, neither of the guys got a rose.
The Rose Ceremony
The cocktail hour started off in a rather pedestrian manner. Things got weird when Greek Groban said that he feels closer to the guys than he does to her. Huh? That seems weird. This statement contributes to Ashley's insecurities. She's just worried that no one is there for the right reasons. What a buzz kill. Who knew that Bentley could do so much damage in so little time? Ashley admits that she might not be able to get over him.
Chris Harrison arrived to mentally rescue Ashley. Ashley admitted that she can't stop thinking about Bentley. Dr. Chris points out that it's never going to work unless Ashley moves forward. Ashley says she's only going to move forward if she gets closure with Bentley. Chris, along with Fleiss & Co., promises to make it happen. I believe that ABC is here for the right reasons.
To go along with the Dentist and Sonoma Ben, Ashley gave roses to Greek Groban, Lucas Oil, Cupcake, El Douche, Kissey Mickey, and Solar Ryan.
Though he's in really good shape, Nick is going home. He's definitely going home because he's the only guy without a nickname.
Until next week, when Bentley returns in Hong Kong and pisses off every remaining guy.
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Tried to comment and it got deleted. Basically, I didn't see the episode because Dugan is living the single life. No, Mrs. Dugan and Lil Dugan have not left for good. But it is far less acceptable to sit and watch (when not blogging for the WWT faithful) when there are so many home projects to be worked on. I'll try to power through the DVR tonight to catch the highlights mentioned above.
ReplyDeleteGreat recap Tim. I think wine should always be involved. I saw the episode and thought that there were, as usual, some ridiculous moments. Ben and Ashley not being able to kiss and the mental kiss was so dumb. They couldn't just leave? How cheesy. And I would have loved for the dancers to come out and Ben had not gotten the rose. That would have been great.
ReplyDeleteAt the group date, I didn't think Ames seemed that different after the knock out. He has always seemed kinda out of it to me.
At first, for the two on one, I loved how they had someone in the water really steering the raft while the two guys just played with the sticks. Then Ashely was clearly not into it. I don't understand how Ashley could have been so into
LL Ben and cell phone bill and then cut them so quickly. I mean I dont blame
her but was surprised by her change of heart. Sure, cell phone bill did
destroy her at the roast so maybe that was it for him.
Solar Ryan had great quotes about love being like a rocket and I can't believe Blake's lame line about a relationship starting slow, earned him the rose. Im already over whatever Bentley says next week but hope it causes drama with the other guys. Looking forward to it.