The Bachelorette Episode 9: SavuSaving Some Drama for Fiji

We begin the episode with some beautiful aerial shots of Fiji and explanations from Ashley of the remaining men: Winemaker, Greek Groban and Cupcake. Then we cut to the misty rain and see a fourth, unidentified man coming back to win Ashley's heart? "It's the dentist," says Mrs. Dugan (obviously falling for the editing tricks of Fleiss & Co.). But no. The man coming out of the rain was not the only dentist to appear on the show this season. It was Solar Vienna.

Solar Vienna Part I of II

Solar Vienna is a contradiction. He relies on solar energy for his job but seemingly was in the rain all season long. He has no luck with women but is supremely confidant. Solar Vienna is pretty sure that Ashley "is regretting sending me home." He blames odd circumstances such as there "being other guys around." Really? On the Bachelorette? That's the excuse you want to go with? In the end, he wants to know if Ashley "feels like I do."

Ashley, do you?

And Ashley's first response to Solar Vienna pouring his heart out, explaining his motives and the mountains he moved to get to Fiji..."WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" If that's not love, I don't know what is. After explaining that he is going to stay nearby, Ashley sums up Dugan's feelings very well, "This is crazy." Agreed.

Winemaker Ben and Ashley Losing Her Flower

Winemaker and Ashley go sailing on a yacht and snorkeling for their daytime activity. And you need to enjoy the funny moments because when Fleiss & Co. go for romance, often comedy is all we have. This date didn't stand out for me, but for three items:

1. Early on the date, wind blows a flower from Ashley's hair.  Ashley blurts out, "I lost my flower." Silly Ashley, that comes at the end of the date. 

2. Ben admits "I kind of saw my life with Ashley floating before my eyes." Noting says "life" like private yachts and snorkeling in Fiji. 

3. Ben's shirt!!! What the hell was that? Is it the worst clothing choice in Bachelor/ette history? Is Dugan being too catty over this? It was like a mesh sweatshirt. It was odd.

Fantasy Suite Time

Because I remain mentally between 6-8th grade, I often chuckle when the date card invites them to stay "as a couple." The Dugans inch forward on their couch for what could be the first hot tub scene of the season only to be disappointed.  It was a giant pool. But Ben did pick Ashley up romance novelesque out of the pool.

If you, like Dugan, also enjoyed the pool exit, here's a few more to pass your day.

Greek Groban and a Big Problem for Bachelorettes

There are different problems that Bachelors face than Bachelorettes, but I presume this problem is bigger for Bachelorettes. Being on this show seems like a blast. You travel all around the world getting to do amazing things for weeks. Greek Groban was clearly more excited for the helicopter and waterfall high dives than Ashley. Mrs. Dugan and I discussed this during the date after we both ran to the nearest bathroom to throw up after Ashley's quote of the night from the helicopter: "I have a Greek God to my left and crystal blue water beneath me"

Ugh. But Fleiss & Co. deserve all the credit, because right when they are about to lose me, they flash to pathetic Solar Vienna and make it appear Ashley flies right over head. The helicopter has replaced the rain cloud as Solar Vienna's torment. 

Dinner Time

It's time to get down to business for Ashley. She wants some questions answered followed by the romance novel treatment from her Greek Groban God. Ashley questions his home purchasing methods, hand holding reluctance and general lack of being head over heels. Greek Groban explains that things have to come naturally, that they have not yet, and that he knows what the fantasy suite means and implies. And that he knows he is NOT in love with her. BOOM. ROASTED.

East Coast Interruption by the POTUS and George Hamilton's response. (Dugan will not breakdown politics in this space.)

But terrible timing by the politicos. Back to Fiji. And Greek Groban brings it for the blog in this statement to Ashley:

"This means the end of the road for me."

Ashley's response: 

Dugan's only thought:

And Ashley sits alone, at the table, reading her fantasy suite card. Dumped. Hilarious.

Solar Vienna Part II of II: From Limo to Lame

Solar Vienna can never get past losing his early lead. Ashley needs to set him straight and to right her world from the Greek Gong Show. Ashley dumps Solar Vienna and Dugan fast forwards the DVR because he is done with Solar Vienna.

Cupcake's Time to Shine

I always wonder what's going on in the background. The seaplane pilot drops them off on the beach. Does he have a kindle? An Ipad with wifi? Is he checking his portfolio while the lovebirds make out on the beach in front of the camera crew? I admit I think too much about this show, but it's an escape and I can't stop now.

Ashley explains that she sent two men home to Cupcake. How she had to let Ryan go again and how it was a mutual decision with her and Greek Groban. 

Ashley reinvents getting dumped, spends some fantasy suite time with Cupcake where Fleiss & Co. once again try to force Ashley's nonexistent sexiness on us. And ABC still had some time to fill so they had a rose ceremony with two men and two roses. And I refuse to comment further because Harrison did not utter his most important line.