The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 4

A Hike, Skate and Pretty Woman Date

Sean enters the episode with only 13 women left. Chris tells the woman that Sean is confident that his wife is in the room. You know what else? This is the first season where Chris is single and hosting the show. Are there as many contestants hoping for a relationship with Chris as with Sean? 

Hayak's Hike

Selma gets a one-on-one and Sean wants to test her ability to put up with a physically demanding date at Joshua Tree National Park. Side note. Selma is a real estate developer? Due to my actual job, I know a lot of real estate developers. NONE look like Selma. Let's google image search for "real estate developer."

These guys are real estate developers.

Same here.

And then we have Selma the Real Estate Developer?

In the Limo, Selma throws out that she weighs 110 pounds. I haven’t known most girls to just give up that kind of info. In the private jet, Selma asks, “Is every date going to be like this from now on?” Ummm, unless you stay on a reality dating show for the rest of your life or manage to marry Tim or I, NO!!!

Other date details bullet point style.

• She’s Iraqi and does not do well in the heat. Good thing she left. 
• Sean picked her up and put her in the jeep. Seemed like a Pavelka move...foreshadowing
• Another cliffhanger inspired date allows me to post my favorite photoshop in WWT history

Pavelka!

Jake & Selma continue their date in an Airstream graveyard where Selma drops some big info:

• Born in Baghdad. 
• Muslim. 
• Despite playing the non-kissing game, Selma gets the rose. If this continues much longer, Selma might become Burka in the blog.

Roller Derby Group Date

The General’s Daughter (Lindsey), Robyn, Jackie, Lennay, Fit Model Amanda, AshLee, Righty, and Tierrable (Thank you for the nickname, Abramoff!) begin prepping for a Roller Derby. This date quickly devolves.

• AshLee is scared.
• Tierrable is excited to take her aggression out on the other girls
• Amanda lied about her roller derby skills to intimidate the other girls. Is that a believable lie?
• All the girls are falling. Robyn looks like she’s on ice skates which probably wouldn't be much better.
• Righty's in tears. Sean is explaining to Righty that she will have a "huge sense of accomplishment" if she competes. WHAT? Why?
• Amanda goes down. And everyone's initial reaction is to call 911!?! I want to do a new blog about how reality television shows are contributing to skyrocketing healthcare costs in this country. I have a 34 and 16 month old. If I called 911 every time they fell, they would be my most frequent called number. I would put 911 in my Fav 5.
• Sean shuts down the disaster group date and allows a Free Skate
• Right calls it "one of the most difficult days of my life” WHAT WHAT WHAT? 

After Party

• Tierrable wants a rose and is willing to throw a temper tantrum to get it. I have experience (see above).
• Amanda rises from the dead.
• Tierrable/Robyn are ready to go at it.
• General's Daughter gets her hot tub time cut off by Tierrable who gets the tantrum rose

Pretty? Woman 

Mrs. Dugan is not a big fan of Leslie H. who gets diamond earrings before the date. I kind of want to keep Leslie H. because I don't know when we'll get another poker dealer on the show. It's bullet point review time:

• Rodeo Drive shopping spree at Badgley Mischka. While this means nothing to me, a quick wiki search says that the Olsen twins were former spokespersons. I don't know why that humors me.
• She calls herself a "Tan Julia Roberts"
• Sean's in a tux? 
• One more thing…….. NEIL FUCKING LANE!!!
• 120 carat necklace? Cool ice. Not as cool as Neil Lane.
• No Spark = No Rose. Yes tears.
• Sean leans over the balcony and rose petals drop in slow motion. Most WWT readers can easily spot a "Mesnick," but the true loyalists know a "Flajnik" which is a Mesnick without tears.

Rose Ceremony

• AshLee and Tim's prediction are looking strong.
• Robyn really likes him and I foresee a crushing exit.
• Tierrable could be the most apropos nickname in blog history.
• This Lennay seems legit.
• 12 woman left.
• Tierrable and Burka have roses.
• 9 roses to go.
• One lady joining the other Leslie.
• Who else is safe?
• Lennay.
• Say Yes to the Des
• The Generals Daughter
• Leslie Abramoff

• Robyn
• AshLee
• Righty
• Jackie
• Daniella

Fit Model Amanda takes it on the chin and next week will bring back to back episodes...and blogs.

The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 3

Embarrassing confession: I have watched four hours of the Bachelor today (episodes 2 and 3).  It's probably the way that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would have wanted it. Self-serving confession: I also watched the Presidential Inauguration earlier today.  I'll bet the POTUS and FLOTUS are watching the less-racist Bachelor tonight.

On to the show.  We are now three for three on Sean working out to start an episode.  It also marks three straight times that he's worked out without a shirt.

Date #1: Lesley Abramoff

Possibly one of the more intelligent contestants ever, Lesley Abramoff is off to visit the Guinness Book of World Records.  Maybe Sean will destroy an exhibit, blame it on Abramoff, and then see if she cries?  That seems to work as a dating device.

Apparently, Sean's dad set the world record for driving in all the contiguous 48 states in 97 hours, 7 minutes.  Hope the winner of the show likes road trips with Sean's family!

Sean, proving he has daddy issues, wants to set his own Guinness record.  Sean and Abramoff will kiss for the longest time on television.  I was thinking the next hour would be spent in a lip lock.  The record is only 3 minutes and 15 seconds.  What!?  Mrs. Wags now wants to set the record for the longest viewer kiss while watching ABC's hit romantic reality show, The Bachelor.  I'll be contacting Guinness to arrange an official judge to come out to San Francisco.  In the meantime, I'll just try to eat as much ice cream as possible during this episode.

During the record setting kiss, it became clear to us that Lesley Abramoff looks like a cross between Tara Reid and the weird German-Austrian female writer on 30 Rock.

The date continued onto a rooftop. You are not dating on the Bachelor unless you are dining on the top of a skyscraper. (Ombudsman Mrs. Wags made a great point that they don't have to compete with crowds on skyscraper rooftops).  The more I type the word skyscraper, the more I'm falling in love with the word.

Abramoff got a rose and then declared that she's falling in love.  Contestants are saying that they are falling in love earlier than ever.

Date #2: Kacie B, Robyn, Leslie H., Kristy, Lennay Kekua, Say Yes to the Des, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra

This date has it all: nicknames, ambiguous ethnicities, and villains.

The date started out as a simple game of do-not-break-your-nose-football, but quickly turned into a game of volleyball to continue on the date.  Needless to say, there were a couple famous volleyball games that this brought to mind:



And...





The losing team included Kristy the Model.  As the other team (literally) popped champagne like they are the 2010 or 2012 San Francisco Giants, Kristy cried like the losing team in a Little League World Series game.  Lennay deserves most of the blame for the loss though.  She played like she wasn't even there.

On the dinner date, Say Yes to the Des  (poor man's Katie Holmes? next bachelorette?) got irked about Amanda acting differently around the women than around Sean.  Kacie B., feeling overconfident in her comfort level with Sean, decided to report that Say Yes to the Des and Amanda are having problems with one another. Sean appropriately questioned why Kacie B. involved herself.  Kacie B. recoiled as Sean told Kacie B. that she seemed like a "crazy person."

Lindsay got the date rose.  Kacie B. is now skating on thin ice.

Date #3: AshLee Top 3

Before the date could start, viewers could hear the sound of Tierra's head hitting every staircase in the Bachelor mansion.  Tierra's fall happened a few suspicious seconds before Sean arrived.  Sean understood the seriousness because he has also "had a few concussions."

AshLee finally got to go on her date.  Sean/ABC rented out Six Flags for just them.  Is it safe for a guy that's had a few concussions to go on roller coasters?

The next date surprise was to bring a couple seriously ill teens to go around the park with them.  Is it safe for chronically ill kids to go on roller coasters?

Turns out both of the teens have a disease that causes constant pain and fatigue.  I'm really thinking going to the movies might be a better idea than the roller coasters.

The date, while a nice concept, morphed into Sean and AshLee chaperoning two teenage girls all day.  Deep down, I'll bet she wished they could have gone somewhere in a helicopter.

The date continued with a private concert from Sean's "favorite band," the Eli Young Band.  The Eli Young Band?  Are these guys popular?  This is testing my country music knowledge, and I am failing miserably.

Ice cream eating record update: I might not set the record, but it's been worth it to try.  Next week: who can set the record for the most glasses of champagne during an episode of the Bachelor!?

Back on the show, AshLee told her story of meeting her Dad (she was adopted at age 6).  Sean cried.  AshLee got the rose.  I'm feeling pretty good about the Top 3 prediction.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Sean surprised Righty by bringing her french bulldog, Leo, to surprise her.  Mrs. Wags got envious of Leo, so she went to make out with our french bulldog.  I wish I was kidding:



Before giving out the first rose, Sean pulled Kacie B. aside.  It turned out that Sean "had too much respect for her" to ditch her in a rose ceremony.  I cannot wait to see which women he has less respect for.

Along with AshLee Top 3, Lindsay, and Abramoff, the following women will be competing for Sean's heart next week: Tierra, Leslie H., Lennay Kekua, Daniella, Robyn, Selma Heyek, Righty, Jackie, Amanda, and Say Yes to the Dressire (Mrs. Wags just pointed out that this makes more sense.  From now on, I will defer all Say Yes to the Dress jokes to her).

Goodbye Taryn.  Not sure who you were.  And goodbye Kristy the Model.  Now only one (fit) model remains.

Until next week, with fast cars, fast planes, and fast roller skates.

The Bachelor: Hey, this guy's likable. Episode II.

Helicopters, Heights and Harlequin novels…It’s the Bachelor Episode 2.

Sean begins the episode working out. His fitness is going to be a theme this season. Harrison drops an early bombshell, "Probably the most sincere Bachelor we’ve ever had in the show…” How sure are you, Harrison? Are you 80% sure? What the hell does that mean about the other Bachelor/ettes?

Righty’s Ready to “Fall” in love

• Who is more obsessed with the one arm? Richard Kimble or Righty?
• When a Helicopter picks Righty up, Kacie B is surprised. She’s done this before, right?
• Her lack of an arm doesn’t effect how she can “love” someone. I'm immature.

• They free fall 300 feet

Let's see how this episode goes every season. She freaks out. He supports her. These early episodes are beyond formulaic. They could just photoshop heads and save the money.

Storytime w/ Righty

• In Vegas with her dad, she was not allowed to get on the zip line due to Nevada laws.
• Most other states have laws that protect the rights of the disabled.
• Have you seen Nevada's state flag?

• Mrs. Dugan imagines Sean being really into zip lining and being disappointed.
• So Righty's into zip lining, free falling off the sides of buildings....what else?

• Boom. Rose.

Group Date w/ lucky 13

Christy, Amanda, Brook, Leslie M., Daniella, Catherina, Robin, Katie, Selma, Diana, Taeryn, Kasey, Tierra head to a model shoot. These group dates are difficult to blog so I'll just hit the highlights.

• The women (sans Model Christy) are not excited.
• Tierra driving people nuts. And a hairdresser dropped the line of the night: “tacky hoes are a dime a dozen”        
• Lesley M brings the heat with a cowboy outfit and a kiss. I really want to figure out a way to call her Abramoff because that Fedora picture is priceless.
• The after party is called a "Pool Party"
• Is a party near a pool technically a “Pool Party?”
• Does there have to be swimming?
• Leslie Abramoff is a good, southern girl, not used to making first move...until now.
• Multiple women expecting the rose tonight (Leslie, Daniella (who?), Kacie B., Tierra)
• Kacie B wants out of the friend zone
• Lennay Kekua (formerly Catherine) competes for quote of the night, "I'm vegan but I love the beef”
• Mrs. Dugan thinks Selma is Selma Hayekesue

You be the judge?

• Big Hair Katie is not handling the show well
• If BHK stayed around one more week, I would have bothered to photoshop her onto Kelly LeBrock from Weird Science.
• BHK: “ I feel like I need to go  home.” Sean: “Let me walk you out then.” In other words...

• Rose to Kacie B.

Date #3 w/ Say Yes to the Des: Punk'd Edition

This version will not get renewed. Sean and Say Yes to the Des (Mrs. Dugan believes frontrunner for next Bachelorette) get past a slow start and show some good chemistry back at his place. They talked about their families and wanting to be best friends. Ugh? Shoot me. Lame rose jokes. She gets one.

Rose Ceremony

Two woman are going home with BHK. Lindsey didn't get a date and wants to make up for wearing a wedding dress on opening night. Her dad's a general. He allowed this? She also wants to marry their best friend. Who uses "best friend" after 13 years of age?

Amanda is pissed. Thrown out there? "Possessed" "Pouting" "Tornado of Negativity"

Robyn doesnt know if Sean has jungle fever. He does.

Roses
Righty, Kacie B, Say Yes to the Des are safe.

• Ashley (spelled terribly) - organizer from Texas
• The General's Daughter - sub teacher who wears a dress
• Robyn - confirmed Sean can walk her way
• Jackie 
• Leslie M - I really want to call her Abramoff just so I can use the Fedora pick
• Selma
• Lennay Kekua (formerly Catherine)
• Christy
• Leslie H
• Tierra
• Taeryn
• Daniella
• Amanda. YES!

Brook was one of the most attractive of the season. Why cut her? Diana? See BHK's exit. Sean is the most likable Bachelor/ette since?

The Bachelor: Sean's Premiere

Dugan and I sincerely apologize for being a week late on our Bachelor update.  We were actually together on the night of the season premiere.  We decided to watch our beloved Fighting Irish get rolled by the Tide.  What a mistake.  We should have followed our coach in life and love, Chris B. Harrison, and watched the Bachelor.  Alas, the time has come.  Bring on the crazy.

According to the voiceover guy, "love is in the air."  Did I mention I love this show?

"This Season on the Bachelor" shows that the women appear to be a little more ethnic.  Mrs. Wags astutely comments that, "it almost seems like ABC is reeling from a lawsuit."

Sean's intro started off with him spending a record amount of time shirtless.  He said that the show is going to be physically tough.  Did someone forget to tell Sean that this is not the Real World/Road Rules challenge?  He obviously got his 'roids on in preparation for the show.  I heard Sean is going to go on Oprah to confess his PED sins.

Before meeting any of the ladies, Indy Arie, paid Sean a visit.  They remarked that they haven't seen each other since Curacao.  That's a statement I will never utter in my entire life.  Apparently, Indy came over for a Bachelor role playing session.  Indy asked Sean to pretend to give him a rose, pretend break up with him, and pretend kiss him.  These two guys were meant for each other.

We meet some of the girls first (i.e. the favorites)

1) Say Yes to the Des(iree) - bridal stylist, clumsy
2) Tierra - a leasing consultant, pumped up that Sean is the Bachelor, has a tattoo on her ring finger (red flag), named Tierra (red flag)
3) Robyn - quirky girl,
4) Diana - 30, two kids, owns a hair salon which is "pretty cool"



5) Sarah - just an average girl with one arm, has a French Bulldog so she's my favorite so far
6) Ashley S&M - obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey, wants Sean to spank her, Mrs. Wags thinks "her parents must be so proud."
7) Lesley S. - there's going to be two Lesleys?, works in DC, no way she gets along with Ashley Grey
8) Kristy - Ford model, she cares about her modeling agency but no one in the audience does
9) AshLee - "professional organizer," adopted by a pastor, (she's going to be in the Top 3)

Chris greets Sean.  I'm still sad that Harrison isn't the Bachelor.

On to the limos:

Wave 1:
AshLee is the first one out.  Even the producers think she is the favorite.  Jackie came out, put on extra lipstick, and proceeded to lipstick graffiti Sean's face.  Selma then proceeded to wipe of Sean's face with a hanky.  This seemed staged.  Nothing is fake about this show, right?  Leslie H. said Sean's a hunk.  She must have seen the intro video.  Daniella from San Francisco created a handshake, embarrassing all Bay Area residents.

Wave 2:
Kelly from Nashville sticks with the stereotype sings a country song about swee' tea'.  Mrs. Wags thinks it's shocking that she's a cruise ship entertainer.  Katie did some yoga with Sean.  Sweet savashana.  Ashley S&M offered up some S&M right off the bat, surprising no one.  Taryn.  That's it.  I have nothing to say.  Catherine comes out and Sean tells her she's beautiful.  Once again, nothing interesting here.

Wave 3:
Robyn tried to do a backflip roundhouse something and appeared to dislocate her elbow.  It made me feel queasy.  Lacey is a graduate student.  I can't believe her cosmetology program gave her time off to be on the show.  Paige OPERATES A JUMBOTRON.  I have so many questions.  Tierra comes out and explains that finger tattoo.  It is an open heart, ready to be completed.  My reaction: yuck.  Sean's reaction: first impression rose.  I'm starting to think we might not get along.  Amanda is a "fit model."  Is there really any other kind?  Keriann drove almost 3000 miles to get to Sean.  Someone explain to her how to use priceline.com.  Say Yes to the Des(iree) made wishes with pennies in the fountain.

Wave 4:
Righty Sarah came out rocking the one arm.  Brooke, the third African-American woman of the night, came next.  ABC has now doubled the amount of minority contestants they've had in the past 27 seasons.  Diana thinks that Sean looks like Ken.  Lesley M. proves that there are, in fact, two Lesleys.  She had Sean bend over to hike a football so she could stare at his butt. Well played.

Wave 5:
Kristy the model says she thought the night was about "you and I."  She may be a model, but she stinks at grammar.  Ashley H., the fourth African-American gal.  This is amazing.  Lauren's family owns an Italian restaurant and her father will break Sean's legs.  Italians everywhere cringe.  Lindsay came out in a wedding dress.  Humans everywhere cringe.

Harrison broke in for a breather.  Thanks Harrison.  I needed the break.

But wait!  There's one more person.

Surprise Limo:
It's Kacie B. from Sonoma Ben's season.  She wants a second chance.  The girls think it's unfair.  I checked the Bachelor Penal Code, and there's nothing against Bachelor Law in coming back for a second chance at love.

Inside the house, Sean got to know the ladies a little better.  He gave the first ever second impression rose to Say Yes to the Des.  AshLee Top 3 then got a third pre-rose ceremony rose.  The girls expressed concern that there were no rules.  How can they be expected to live in a world of reality television without rules?

Selma, Jackie, and Robyn then got a few quick roses.  Sean continues breaking all the rules!

Ashley S&M got drunk and busted out the tie again.  Sean then busted out a "rape whistle" joke.  Did I mention that I don't think I'd get along with this guy?

Leslie H. got a rose.  Who needs rules!?  Rules are for squares.

Righty Sarah felt really bad about intimidating people with her one arm and told stories about how hard it is to meet guys.  It's making me feel worse about calling her Righty.  But not really.  I am also willing to break all the rules (of decency and kindness).  Don't feel bad for Righty; she got a rose. Sean obviously can't wait to meet Righty's family.

Abbreviated Rose Ceremony

With seven roses remaining, Amanda, Lesley M., Kacie B., Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, and finally Lindsay take the final seven.

Goodbyes to the woman that sang country music, the jumbotron operator (so many questions unanswered), Ashley S&M, and some others that didn't make much of an impression.

Until next week, with helicopters (guaranteed).