The Bachelor: Likable Sean and the Final Three

As I'm sure you don't know, I watch the show on delay.  It's now actually 9:00 pm as I write this.  Our loyal readers have already texted me about hooker outfits and Sean's (born-again) virginity.  With this information and my ice cream and scotch, I couldn't be more excited.

Sean is down to AshLee Top Three, Lennay Kekua, and the Two-Star General's Daughter.  Sean is taking all three of them to "one of the most beautiful places in the world...the South of Thailand."  I've been to the north of Thailand, and let me tell you, it's HORRIBLE!

Sean summarized his relationship with all three women.  Lennay is weird.  AshLee is serious.  Lindsay is giggly.  Not surprisingly, he can see himself marrying any of them, but his heart is torn in so many directions.  I thoroughly enjoy the way people talk on this reality show.

Fantasy Date #1: The General's Daughter

The GD started out by informing the audience that last week she told Sean that she is "falling in love" with Sean.  This week, she hopes to be able to tell him she is "in love" with Sean.  By the end of this episode, I hope to finish a pint of ice cream.  So it's good that we all have goals.

The date started out in a market.  The Bachelor quickly devolved into an episode of Fear Factor.  Sean and GD had to eat bugs.  GD almost regurgitated the bugs, but sadly she held it down, robbing us of the greatest moment in Bachelor history.

After feeding (wild?) monkeys on a beach, like you do, the date progressed to dinner in front of "tradition Thai floats."  This made me think that the Thai people must be really into parades.  How funny would it be if the Thai Bachelor came to the United States to film their fantasy dates and had dinner in front of some traditional American floats?

GD told Sean that she loves him.  Sean romantically replied, "it feels so good to hear you say that."  GD accepted the fantasy suite opportunity.  Based on her foot tattoo, I did not think that decision was much of a shocker.  Not that there's anything wrong with a foot tattoo.

Fantasy Date #2: AshLee Top Three

AshLee, the pastor's daughter, showed up to the South of Thailand wearing daisy dukes and a mesh top bearing her midriff.  AshLee decided to go with her classic look, the teenage bride.

The date continued to some cave swimming.  Predictably, AshLee equated/blamed her fear of cave swimming to her childhood abandonment issues.  Though I don't think any of Sean's three choices are great, Wagstradomus predicts that AshLee's abandonment issues will quickly tire out her future partner.

At the end of the caves, AshLee and Sean found the "light at the end of the tunnel." I was really hoping to see an old friend in that cave.  Never say die!

At dinner, the date card arrived. AshLee, reverting back to her pastor's daughter role, was nervous about "morally putting herself out there."  Is that the best way of phrasing what could occur!?  

Ashlee clearly hasn't read UsWeekly.  If she had, she would know that Sean is a "born-again virgin."  Thus, Sean's perfect night would be staying up all night and talking.  

Unimportant side note: I laugh every time I type "AshLee."  I love capitalizing the L.  What a crazy name!

Fantasy Date #3: Lennay Kekua

Lennay started off her date by talking about how disappointed she was with Te'o's 40 time at the NFL combine.  Wait a second, I got our Lennay Kekua mixed up with the real fake Lennay Kekua.  

Lennay's date has been rather boring.  We're 1:16 into the episode and I haven't even heard one reference to Chris Harrison.  After writing the invitations to the fantasy suites, what else does he have to do?  Rather than showing us tweets from random members of Bachelor Nation, I would like to hear a Chris Harrison Director's commentary.  

Lennay accepted the fantasy suite invite.  3 for 3!  Not bad for a born-again virgin.  

Ask and you shall receive!  Harrison is back in LA with super important information...but actually just a preview of OZ: The Great and Powerful.  Don't take advantage of us Harrison, you devious shill.

The Choice

After a therapeutic talk with Harrison (coming on strongly!), Sean took some time to stare deeply at the framed 5" x 7" photos of the women to help make his decision.  Sean then watched the video messages from the three women.  Spoiler alert: they can all see their future with Sean.  Second spoiler alert: I finished my ice cream.

With two roses left, Sean chose the General's Daughter Lindsay and Lennay Kekua.  

AshLee Top Three lived up to her nickname, exactly.  She left in a huff, saying nothing to Sean while giving him an A+ death stare.  AshLee described it as "the ultimate reject."  Worse than six foster homes in one year?  I think not.  

Until next week, with more Righty, Tierrable, and Say Yes to the Des.