The Bachelor: Likable Sean Episode 5

The two night Bachelor event has begun.  ABC decided to give us four hours of The Bachelor this week.  I like that they call it an "event."  Merriam-Webster defines an event as a noteworthy happening.  If a bunch of women who are on the show for all the right reasons is noteworthy, then I guess ABC has appropriately described this week's shows.

On to the show. With 11 ladies left, Chris B. Harrison, our spiritual and moral compass, tells us that it's going to get serious.  Today includes the dreaded 2 on 1 date!  And the ladies are meeting Sean in Montana! The girls were fake excited to go to Montana.  I'll bet they would have been much happier to go to Europe or Bali or Hong Kong.  Budget problems ABC?

Sean thinks Montana is really going to challenge the ladies.  Let's hope so:

Solo Date #1: Lindsay

Good news.  They have helicopters in Montana.  Sean says it's the most badass helicopter.  When they got in, I was underwhelmed by the chopper badassness.  The inside looked like the interior of a Ford Taurus.  For those of you not lucky enough to spend most of your childhood in the "way back" of a Taurus station wagon, here's a picture:

The helicopter took them to Glacier National Park.  I'm predicting a picnic date or a bear fight.  Unfortunately, the former won.

In the evening, Lindsay said she doesn't know what brought her here.  Does she mean that literally?  (It was a helicopter).  Figuratively? (it was a lengthy interview process in Los Angeles).

Lindsay and her wrist tattoo get the date rose.

After receiving the rose, Sean had one more surprise.  The entire town of Whitefish, Montana greeted them as Whitefish's only American Idol entry sang a couple songs.  The musical star power on the Bachelor is really taking a hit this season.

Group Date: Selma Hayak, Ashlee Top Three, Say Yes to the Des, Lennay Kekua, Righty, Lesley Abramoff, Robyn, and Daniella

(I was really excited at the possibility of an all-nicknamed group date, but alas, Robyn and Daniella had to ruin it)

The date began with a goat, canoe, and hay relay race.  The goat milk portion of the race required filling up a jar to a predetermined line.  Did ABC have to pay royalties to Double Dare for stealing the game idea?

After some embarrassing canoeing by the other girls, Righty proved that she can do anything that a woman with two full length arms can do in the hay carrying competition.  Say Yes to the Des finished the relay for her team by chugging warm goat milk.  She deserves the rose for that.

Though half of the women got sent back to the Whitefish Lodge, Sean bent the rules and asked the loser blue team to rejoin everyone on the date.  According to Chris B. Harrison, Sean felt that "his wife might be on the blue team."  (Quote of the night nominee).

Selma was not happy that the other team got to come back.  And "when Selma gets angry, Selma gets angry."  Sean probably should not have irked the Iraqi.

During a side interview, Tierrable surprised Sean by approaching him from behind and covering his eyes.  Tierrable is not on this show to make friends.  She's there to find her husband.  She needs to do what's right for her.

Ashlee Top Three had some solo time with Sean. She informed him that she has a "soul connection" with him. (Quote of the night nominee).  She is honestly falling in love with him.  Anybody that claims that this show isn't a real search for true love is out of their mind!

Daniella saw Lennay Kekua sitting on Sean's lap.  This sent her crying back in the house.  Sean then comforted her (mostly with french kissing).

Daniella (from the loser Blue team) got the rose.  Chugging the warm goat's milk was officially not worth it.

2 on 1 Date: Jackie and Tierrable

I feel bad for Jackie.  Sean might like her better, but there's no way that ABC does.  Tierrable is a lock to get the rose.

Jackie made huge Bachelor tactical error by talking trash about Tierrable.  As they say, snitches get limo rides home.

In her solo time, Tierrable revealed that she was with a guy for five years that was "in and out of rehabs."  You read that plural correctly.  Sean quickly clarified that it was "drug and alcohol rehabs." Is that better or worse than some of the alternatives?  Personally, I'd prefer fear of clowns and fear of flying rehab(s).  Tierrable then said the guy died.  I'm calling BS.  I think she just saved this "story" for a moment like a 2 on 1 date.

As predicted, Tierrable got the rose from Sean (and ABC).

Rose Ceremony

Say Yes to the Des may have cost herself a rose by calling Sean unpredictable.  Sean correctly interpreted that she meant keeping Tierra was unpredictable.  Sean was irked because Des and the other girls can't seem to understand that ABC is keeping Tierrable, not Sean.

Tierrable wishes she was a fighter so she could beat up these "bitches."  Robyn said she would approach Tierrable and make this Bad Girls Club.  How meta!  A reality show reference within a reality show.

While Tierrable fought with Robyn, Sean walked into the room.  Tierrable then defended her actions to Sean by saying that she's "not a drama person."  In fact, she's a self-proclaimed "nice girl."

Before giving out roses, Sean had a sit down with Harrison.  Sean went through a lot this week, but a nice chat with Harrison cures what ails you.

After clearing his head, Sean gave the remaining roses to Selma Hayak, Lennay Kekua, Lesley Abramoff, Ashlee Top Three, Righty, and Say Yes to the Des.

Joining Jackie in the loser limo is Robyn.  So much for Sean liking African-American girls.

Until Tuesday night, when we get dangerously cold in Montana.