Becca likes to take things slow (We get it, she's a virgin). Hugs and the Faux Farmer have a quiet night at his loft in Polk County, Iowa. In case there was any doubt, Chris explains that Polk County "is not Italy or Belgium, nor fancy.” Good. We were all confusing the two.
 |
| No one confused the two. Ever. |
Meanwhile, Back in Des Moines
Fav Britt is crying and the girls, especially Carly Rae, are over it. The girls have pinned down the problem. Britt wants to be sought, but she is on a show where she has to do the chasing. Britt is a house of cards and someone plucked a few from the bottom row.
It's straight to the Rose Ceremony as Chris cuts another cocktail hour. Mrs. Dugan notes this has been a fairly common practice. Perhaps a teetotaler? That's for you, Widowmaker.
Britt breaks up the rose ceremony determined to speak with Chris and right her wrongs. She fails miserably as she asks Chris to think on his feet - never a good thing. Britt also made another fatal mistake. She let her true feelings about Arlington known to the other girls. When the Faux Hawk Farmer holds all the cards, don't shit on Arlington.
 |
| Britt Surprised |
Moving to Hometowns with the Fab Four
Hugs Becca in Shreveport, Louisiana
Nurse Whitney in Chicago
Rickles in Phoenix
Jade in Gering, Nebraska
Shreveport Showdown and Dugan's Dream
We're starting with Hugs Becca and getting into gators, ferris wheels and virginity. Holla! Take note - we begin the date with a run and jump hug – does this really fucking happen anywhere outside of tv and movies?
Becca's sister is trying to make this painfully obvious to Chris: “Becca is not an intimate girl by any means.” Get it? "She doesn’t even have that urge. Never even attempted that." WE GET IT. ENOUGH.
Ok, Chris is one of the least interesting Bachelor/ettes of all time, but one great final act could save this season. Take Hugs V Card on Fantasy Suite Night next week, then cut her. Would it be cruel? Would he become the ultimate Bachelor villain overnight? YES and YES. Chances? .0001%
Chicago, Porn and a Frozen Cameo
Note: We get a jump welcome from Nurse Whitney. Whitney wants to share her work as a fertility nurse and asks Chris, “Let’s go make a baby.” Chris responds with my QOTN: “I uhhh make corn.”
She teases Chris about giving a sample and sends him into the "room" with a cup, porn, and some playboys. Chances that one of those playboys was Jade's? .0001%
Nurse Whitney and her sister are fighting over the possible, rapid proposal Where have I seen this before?
Phoenix power rap couple: Rickles and Big Farma
Rickles' family winters in Phoenix and Rickles turns to her rapping crutch. A fairly uneventful hometown but Rickles is unconventional for Bachelor/ette contestants and, for that, we love her.
She wants to share her feelings with Chris and does so with a billboard. We close with a jump hug and the Jim Croce classic.
Well, I know it's kinda late.
I hope I didn't wake you.
But what I gotta say can't wait,
I know you'd understand.
Every time I tried to tell you,
The words just came out wrong,
So I'll have to say I love you in a billboard.
Hey Jade and the Nebraska Playboy Confessional
Jade's family is trying to let Chris know that Jade has a history. It's difficult for Chris to comprehend as he only knows shy Jade. Rather than hear from someone else, Jade confesses her centerfold past. She then shows him the images and video. I don't really know the protocol of explaining your past nude shots to a new boyfriend/girlfriend. But I do not think immediately sharing said nude shots is standard operating procedure.
Date ends. No jump hug.
Who’s Moving on the Fantasy Suite night?
Nurse Whitney
Rickles
Hugs Becca
In a pretty harsh cut, Jade shares her nudes and gets cut. And the reasoning was even funnier: "Things moved faster with the other girls"
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Dugan, you've become the wild mustang of blog posts. No one else could possibly combine J. Geils, Frozen, Jim Croce, and jumping hugs.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for Neil Lane!