The Bachelor Episode 9: Fantasy SWEET!

Welcome back WWTB family.  I just finished up my ice cream (Mexican chocolate for those keeping score at home), and I am now ready for the most romantic night of the season.  And by romantic, I mean really awkward and weird.  And by really awkward and weird, I mean Chris is a doofus.  At this point in the show, it seems that there is only one final result that makes sense:

1) Nurse Whitney - winner

2) Hugs Becca - next Bachelorette

3) Kaitlyn Rickles - Bachelor in Paradise contestant

On the other hand, Chris is just a pawn of Harrison/Lane/Fleiss & Co., so he'll just do whatever they want.  

Joke explanation: it's Chris's head on a pawn

(Interesting side note: the picture I found of Chris's face actually appears to have two giant pawns in the background.  Or maybe they're just vases...that look like pawns). 

Off to Bali

Fleiss and Co. broke the budget and took the show to Indonesia.  As Dugan pointed out last week, it's all the money they saved by going to Santa Fe is really paying off.  Chris said that Bali is very different from Iowa.  In case you forgot, Chris is a farmer from Iowa.  

Kaitlyn Rickles's Date

Rickles got the first date of the love journey.  They went into a temple.  The temple doesn't allow kissing and has lots of ladies walking around with baskets on their heads.  It's not what I expected.

More like what I expected

After they left the "temple,"Chris and Rickles walked around the neighborhood. I always enjoy the Bachelor trope of visiting various tourist spots in a foreign country, encountering "locals," and commenting on how nice they are.  

A monkey then jumped on Chris's back.  I wasn't surprised because the monkey probably thought Chris was a fellow primate when it heard Chris laugh.  

At the dinner portion of the date, Rickles apologized for how she's been holding back her emotions.  I'm angry that she's been holding back an explanation for those matching bird tattoos on the back of her arms.  

When the fantasy suite invite arrived, Rickles quickly said, "I can't imagine...saying no to that."  Ready to rock and roll, apparently.  

While in the fantasy suite, Rickles said she's falling in love.  Chris shocked Bachelor historians everywhere when he said, "I am falling in love too."  This seems to be a rule violation.  I will be very interested to see if Chris says he loves all three women.  

Nurse Whitney's Date

The Nurse showed off her hops with a jumping hug.  That's nearly as important as saying you're falling in love.  

The date started with a private yacht ride in the Indian Ocean on a boat provided by the Plataran Hotel chain.  I tried to book a hotel room for TONIGHT at the hotel in Canngu.  Here's the result I got:  http://reservations.directwithhotels.com/dne.html  Soooooo, does this show even exist?  Is there a Neil Lane?  Are we all actually dead?

Nurse Whitney started apologizing for her overprotective, honest sister.  Chris told her not to sweat it.  Mrs. Wags said, "please make her stop talking."  (So we've reached this point in the season!)

During the dinner portion of the date, I became worried about my prediction of Nurse Whitney as the winner.  Chris looks like he's heard just about enough of her voice also.  

Chris informed Whitney that Chicago is 3.5 hours away from Arlington.  Mrs. Wags, apparently confused, asked if that's 3.5 hours "by airplane?"  

Nurse Whitney said she was willing to quit her job, move to Arlington, and have lots of babies.  You may be shocked to hear that she showed very little hesitation to go to the fantasy suite.  

Hugs Becca's Date

Get ready for the virgin show.  Chris started off the date by expressing his concern that Hugs has never been in love.  Uh oh.  Big surprises are in store for Chris in a few short minutes.  

Chris and Hugs went to a village and a temple.   Good news for me!  I already made a picture for a moment like this!

Temple of Deja Doom

The elders at the temple advised Chris and Hugs to "make love" on their date.  The religious leaders of Bali have a slightly different message than any priest I met during my K thru JD Catholic education.

During the evening portion of the date, Hugs advised the viewers that she is a virgin.  I'm feeling lost about what the theme of this segment has been.  

Do you think Hugs Becca is really a virgin?

Yes

No

Poll Maker

Chris told Hugs that he's falling in love with her.  (I missed if he told Nurse Whitney that he loves her.  Her voice must have pierced my eardrums).

The fantasy suite date card arrived.  Instead of admitting that she's a virgin, she said she'd like to spend some alone time in the fantasy suite.  Once in the fantasy suite, Hugs revealed her secret.  Chris nearly had a seizure, but then recovered to say that love is what matters.  Hugs was thrilled.  Maybe she won't be Hugs Becca by the end of the night. 

Wink!

The next morning, Chris and Hugs both looked broken up about how the night went.  Chris said it had to do with the possibility of regret and the fear of struggling to find love.  The Faux Hawk Farmer is getting deep on us.  

Harrison, our emotional and spiritual guide, counseled Chris.  Harrison pointed out that it's amazing that Chris could see himself spending his life with all three women.  The Bachelor: making women feel so special since 2002.

Rose Ceremony

The rose ceremony was set up at the temple.  Harrison, dressed in traditional Balinese garb, reminded Chris, dressed in traditional Balinese garb, that he may not kiss any of the women, dressed in traditional Balinese garb, in the temple.  They look like they are more than 3.5 flight or car hours from Arlington.  

Before the ceremony began, Chris pulled Hugs aside.  Before Chris could say anything, Hugs went into full speech mode and professed her love.  Based on Chris's speaking skills, the sentiments were much more clearly stated.  Once Chris did speak, he noted that this show is about finding "true love." I heard Fleiss and Co. in the background softly whisper, "...and ratings."

Much to Nurse's and Rickles's dismay, Chris brought Hugs back to the rose ceremony.  

After Chris collected his thoughts, he gave roses to Nurse Whitney and Hugs Becca.  

Kaitlyn Rickles exited without a rose, without hugging the other ladies, and without explanation.  When pressed, Chris said he "doesn't know what happened."  Typical, confused Soules.  He then went on to say, "there's no right decision."  Thatta boy!  Way to make your future fiance feel special. 

Enough tears for one night.  I've cried enough.  Next week, the women tell all.