Ben the Bachelor Episode 3: Cialis, Women's Soccer, Racism and Selfishness

Yes. You read that correctly. Don't let the sleepy start or the late week blogging fool you. This episode was packed with the good stuff that Fleiss & Co. use to keep us coming back for more. I do apologize for the delay but I would rather give you quality at the expense of expeditiousness. Side not - I will send five US Dollars to the first fan to find "expeditiousness" in a separate Bachelor/ette recap.

This week has three dates, two one-on-ones and a group date. We have stand-out performances from the two one-on-ones - LB (flight attendant) and GI Jubilee - and the favorite turned mean girl, Newscaster Olivia. 

Cialis Date with LB

Ben brings Flight attendant LB up in the air for a bi-plane ride. LB relays that she is concerned about what might happen if the single engine fails. You die, LB. That’s what happens.

The stunt plane portion of the date ends and the Cialis portion begins with a hot tub in a clearing. A Dugan Quote of the Night (hereinafter, “QOTN”) comes from Ben: “Go in the tree and change.”

We are lucky enough to receive the classic Fleiss & Co. spanish guitar while Ben and LB get to business time. Afternoon hot tub time yields to a romantic dinner. Pretty solid date so far. Private plane. Check. Hot tub in a meadow. Check. Candlelit dinner. Check. Private concert with an unknown artist that the Bachelor/ette pretends to be a fan of. Check  mate and Ben gives LB the rose.

Soccer with the USWNT

World Cup Winners Kelley O’Hara and Alex Morgan host Mom Amanda, Thing One, The Russian, Ft. Laudy Jenn, Hut Hut Leah, Amber, Lauren Harbaugh, Newscaster Olivia, Superfecta, Millennial Rachel, Canadian Jami, and Thing 2 in the worst stadium in the United States. I know who I would pick!

USA! USA! USA!

The girls were not the best soccer players. They were about as effective as Liverpool in the Premier League this season. Except they scored goals.

Hut Hut Leah, Amber, Newscaster Olivia, Canadian Jam, Superfecta, and one of the Things move on to a private party after the big win. Canadian Jam is trying to curry favor with the Newscaster by tattling on the girls ripping on her toes.

Amber moved aggressively and secured the rose. But the Newscaster “sees signs” like him leaning on her knee.

Random Episode Highlights

• Mom Amanda and Lauren B gossiping about Newscaster spending 40k on clothes for the show.
• Thing calling out fake boobs, breadth of Newscaster
• Newscaster’s insecurity about calves, cankles (more on this later!)
• I am on #TeamJubilee and #TeamTwins

GI Jubilee v. The Rest of the House

GI Jubilee may be afraid of heights but she leaves in a helicopter with Ben much to the disgust of the women in the house. GI Jubilee has nothing to be embarrassed about having never had caviar. I’m sure it’s not real common fare in Warsaw, Indiana.

Warsaw Gourmet

Ben asks GIJ what her go to food is? HOT DOGS. An automatic favorite has emerged for Mrs. Dugan. She then drops a QOTN with “I’m not playing white boy” while playing shuffleboard.

GIJ and Ben seem to have an honest connection and discuss serious, emotional issues over dinner with GIJ securing a rose.

Veiled Racism Alert. Lauren Harbaugh is worried how GI Jubilee will fit in with the soccer moms that Ben wants his wife to be friends with. Why is that, Miss Harbaugh? 

Rose Ceremony

LB, Amber, GI Jubilee are safe!

Ben walks into the room on a somber note explaining that he has lost two people from his small, tightknit community. Newscaster Olivia immediately grabs him to talk. The viewer is lead to believe that Olivia is going to redeem her poor episode with some empathy/sympathy. Instead, she starts talking about how her life is so hard due to her her cankles, how strong she tries to be, and how it’s the scariest thing ever.

Superfecta Lace decides it’s time to go: “Like my tattoo says, you can’t love someone until you truly love yourself.” QOTN WINNER. In fact, if you begin a sentence with “Like my tattoo says…” YOU AUTOMATICALLY WIN.

When you travel too close to the sun, you burn up. Goodbye sweet, sweet Superfecta.

Who else is safe?

Harbaugh

Mom Amanda

Hugs Becca

Thing 1

Thing 2

Millennial (Rachel)

Software Caila

Trump

Ft. Laudy Jen

Hut Hut Leah

Newscaster Olivia

Buh Bye Canadian Jam and The Russian

Great exit quote from Canadian Jam: “Don’t ever expect anything from Humans”

Newscaster Olivia is still seeing unspoken communication from Ben. It’s these unspoken things that keep her strong during these difficult cankle times. 

She's not strong. She's crazy.