The Bachelor Finale: The Finn Finale

Hey friends, we are going to end Hans’ season in Finland with a little ice skating, Santa Claus and Neil fucking Lane!

Nick's Family

Hey, it’s Nick’s family on national tv again. Remember this is their third appearance on the Fleiss franchise. While the shoe is on the other foot this season, the family is still concerned about the Hans’ heartbreak.

That’s So Raven

Look, we all know that Raven’s the underdog and Fleiss & Co are going to inject enough drama into the finale as possible. We begin with the Raven-Bella connection. I assume that Raven is much closer to Bella’s age than Hans, but don’t feel like doing the math. Even on pi day.

My favorite part of Raven’s visit with the family? Hans’ mom cannot imagine Raven hurting somebody.

Flashback: Earlier this season, Raven admitted to stabbing an ex with a stiletto mid copulation.

Special Ed Vanessa

The meeting with the family was interesting. Vanessa flipped the script and put the family on its heels. Vanessa also expressed a lack of interest in getting engaged and concerns about moving from Montreal.

Dad talks the options over with Hans. He thinks Vanessa is more of the same. Vanessa is obviously Hans’ type, but is she the right choice.

Hans has a type?

The Final Date Highlights

• Mrs. Dugan hates horseback riding. The frigid temps did not make it appears more fun. But did you see Santa Claus popping out behind the Christmas trees? Reminds me of the greatest holiday special since the epic Star Wars performance.

Santa Claus wants some lovin.

• Vanessa still doesn’t understand the limitations of the show. Hans puts on his best Nick Saban imitation and respects the Fleiss & Co process. 
• Hans and Raven ice skated and played with puppies. 
• Raven is taking the positive approach to Vanessa’s confrontational attitude.

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NEIL IN FINLAND!

It’s ring and rose time. And first up, we have Raven which is never a good sign. She is cut but holds up very well. My favorite part is after breaking her heart, Fleiss & Co. send Raven packing in the snow without her jacket.

Vanessa walks in and tells Harrison “I’m nervous.”

Harrison: “You should be.”

What the hell Harrison? Never mind the Harrison sidestep, Vanessa secures the final rose after placing her jacket over Raven’s.