It's 8:34pm eastern. Dugan walks downstairs after reading Chapter 22 of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with the oldest lil' Dugan. I click on the DVR and see we have a recording fail. We have missed the first 34 minutes of the show! Oh no! North Cackalacky is crying. Why? Does it involve her pageant rival Hannah Alabama? OF COURSE IT DOES! Will I be able to blog even though I missed the first 30 minutes? OF COURSE I WILL!
Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody gets a crown
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Cackalacky & Bama will make you say "oh jeez"
I was a little Beauty and the Beast inspired because it truly is a Bachelor/ette tale as old as time: "If you like her, you can't like me." This one adds another layer because usually the girls are more different. In this version, North Cackalacky and Hannah Alabama are two sides of the same coin. Brunette Beauty Pageant Belles.
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| But Brunette |
AK Elyse in San Diego
I really like AK Elyse' nickname. I don't remember if it references AK-47s, Alaska or Arkansas. It's fun.
Is anything interesting going to happen on this date? Unlikely. AK Elyse is concerned about their age difference of 6 years. I don't feel age difference is a big deal once you are out of school. I don't think a 31 and 25 year old are incompatible. But imagine a 3L dating a college freshman. Same age difference and it would have been HILARIOUS! Is it the 18 to 24? Or the school part?
They spend the day in Belmont Park with kids, lots of screaming kids. One of the kids has kissed a boy, giving her more experience than Sixpence. AK tells a tragic story of her sister dying of cancer and secures the rose. You can't tell a dead sister cancer story and get cut. It's simply not permitted and I respect Fleiss & Co for that. However, you flip the scrip once and you'll really make people lose their damn minds. Just think about it.
But, it's not just a rose that AK gets. But a TeniIle Arts concert! I googled but there is no information available about this artist.
“Every strong man needs a stronger woman” Group Date with Tayshe, Mina, Brightlight Catherine, Dancer Sidney Nigerian Nightmare, Teacher Cassie, Camila Cabella and Toronto Catlin
Terry and Rebecca Crews welcome the ladies to a group date where they will compete for Colton in various strength competitions. They say that Rebecca Crews is an actress. Are you an actress if you always play yourself? Am I an actor? What more is involved here?
Some strong woman competition highlights.
- Brightline is a martial arts expert.
- Dancer Sidney can stretch like you would expect a dancer to be able to stretch. Not that I noticed.
- Mrs. Dugan's question: “What is Terry Crews in?” Dugan replied, “Old Spice commercials?”
- Camila Cabella is not going to fare well. It appears she went on the South Beach diet to get ready for the show.
- Nigerian Nightmare doing Christian Okeye proud.
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| The others didn't stand a chance. |
One of the girls gives the quote of the night: “White chicks is one of my favorite movies.” We need to get prop bets for the Bachelor. I would have taken 1000-1 odds this would have been said this season in a prop bet. For the record, that quote was not meant to be ironic.
In the post date nightcap, Canadian Caitlin gets the mid-date exit. This always comes to mind with the harsh exits.
Cocktail Party - No. Pool, Drama, and Roses - Yes.
Colton plays in the pool like he's 15, not 25. Knocking girls off rafts and cannonballs? Maybe 10, not 15. However, no one is paying attention to the child in the pool because Fleiss & Co. have a simmering princess fight to film.
Hannah Alabama is very straightforward: "There’s a beautiful monster inside of me…there’s a tank of rage…and it’s full…GROWL”
Miss Northcakalacka brings some serious heat. Basically, she says they were friends until North Cackalacka started dominating the pageant circuit and Hannah Alabama couldn't take it. I could go into detail about the charges each lay on the other, but this gif makes a long story, short.
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North Cackalacka v. Hannah Alabama
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To the Roses.
North Cackalacka has one (I missed the first 34 minutes, should have guessed thats what sent H.A. over the edge)
Camila Cabella
AK Elise
The other Hannah
Tayshea
Dancer Caitlynn
Teacher Cassie
Kurza
Dancer Sydney
Demi
Crazy Tracy
Ga Peace Courtney
Sixpence Heather
Nigerian Nightmare
Hannah Alabama
Goodbye Outback and Brightline and Nina. We lost two of my favorite nicknames. Adieu, ladies. Until next week when Tim will likely record and blog about the entire show.
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I watch the show on YouTubeTV, so there's no guarantee that any recording will work. It is a guarantee that google is tracking my watching habits and I will start receiving advertisements for Kay Jewelers in my google search bar.
ReplyDeleteThis was the best ever "if-he-likes-her-he-can't-like-me." Not only are these two ladies in the same line of "work," but they kind of look the same, and I doubt either of them have ever read a book. Put them on a 2-on-1 date and send them both home. It's surely happening.
Great points about the age difference issue. 31 seems old on this show because he's basically Tom Hanks from Big, and both of the 31 year olds have spent too many hours in the tanning beds and invested in too much Botox to appear younger.
Browsing media headlines indicates that lots of people care about Demi. I can't find it in me to care.
Whenever there are country acts on the show, I text my country music loving brother for info. Just like the internet, Little Wags had no idea who Tenile Arts was. But we know one thing: she has a good agent.
Be sure to catch the SNL Bachelor sketch from this weekend. It was particularly well done.