The Bachelorette(s) Episode 9: Erin Go Gragh Edition

"Erin go Bragh" means Ireland Forever...and it seems like we have been in Ireland forever. We begin with Kaitlyn lamenting the loss of Dr. Harris, DDS. Really? We are going to pretend like he was a loss?

Role Models Ben and The Bachelor Tryout w/ Irish Whiskey

Role Models Ben rows Kaitlyn to a private island where they return to a tried and true Bachelor shtick: hide-and-seek. Oh, you don't remember past hide and seek events? What about Farmer Chris and Andi in the Carribean? What about Farmer Chris at home in Iowa? Ok, now let's think about the last time you played hide-and-seek on a date? Oh, never? Me neither. Is this show produced by 5 yr olds?

Kaitlyn asks the QOTS during some late night time with Ben: "You seem like husband material. Do I seem like wife material?” Actually, no.

Role Models Ben discusses his last girlfriend and questions if he is lovable. 

Ben drops this quote - “this relationship makes me a better person” - which caused me to reflexively google image search the word "gag." I immediately regret that choice. Kaitlyn questions Role Models Ben's virginity but won't be able to take his v card as Ben jumps to the lead of most likely Bachelor.

Group Date with American Pharoah, Ugly Gosling and Hans w/ Irish Whiskey

The men leave Chris Quinn Jared to work on his facial hair while they drink more Irish Whiskey. Ugly Gosling grabs quick one-on-one time and Kaitlyn is struggling with her desire to build trust with UG while keeping the Hans Hanky Panky from him.  Ugly Gosling is oblivious to the bomb about to be dropped.

Hans interrupts and they immediately begin discussing the consequences of their escapade. Kaitlyn doesn't regret their night together: “I’m a grown woman. I can do what I want.” Oh really, Cartman?

American Pharoah is on the outside looking in and needs to make up ground on the home stretch. It's good to see Fleiss & Co. still read the blog as they cut to wild horses before American Pharaoh's one-on-one time.

You know what's not a good response when you profess your love to a women: "It’s really flattering.” Ouch. Send American Pharaoh to the ol' Barbaro Glue Factory because he is done. 

She cuts him and it gets awkward.

AP: “What do I do now?”

Kaitlyn: “Whatever you have to do.”

AP: "I'm not saying shit to you now."

With AP gone, it's time for Ugly Gosling to hear the truth about Hans. UG is fairly calm, cool and collected in the face of  Kaitlyn's confession. 

Rose Ceremony Time 

Hans, Chris Quinn Jared, Ugly Gosling and Role Models Ben take a horse drawn carriage to the gallows for one of them. UG gets the first rose and needs some reassuring. Kaitlyn snares Ugly Gosling followed by next Bachelor Role Models Ben and Hans.

Say goodbye to Chris Quinn Jared.

Great tweet by @Millsy11374: Neil Lane was NEVER going to allow man named Jared to get close to the end. Never. #TheBachelorette

Cork One on One with Hans and Irish Whiskey

Kaitlyn and Hans enter another church and Hans explains the sacrament of confession. Isn't it ironic...don't you think? Perhaps they'll end the season with a step towards another sacrament. They leave church and head to a bar (good choice) to have some crack (errrr....craic) with the locals. 

Kaitlyn and Hans get along. They have a great connection. We get it. The most important fact we learn on this episode is that Ugly Gosling is eskimo brothers with a famous country singer?

Whenever I have the option to pick a country singer...GEORGE JONES!

Until next week when teh Ugly Gosling/Hans dual finally boils over.

The Bachelorette(s) Episode 7: Hans' Dublin Sleepover

We have multiple tvs set up in the Dugan house tonight for the Bachelorette and the USWNT. While the USA sailed to a 2-0 victory, tonight’s episode offered some rocky moments for Kaitlyn and her gaggle.

Rose Ceremony and Hit & Run Ian’s Fatal Accident

We continue with the San Antonio Rose Ceremony where Hit & Run Ian’s crash and burn is picking up from last week. Ian decides to trash the guys while lauding his credentials as a potential Bachelor. He then decides to take on Kaitlyn head on accusing her of only being on the show “to make out with a bunch of dudes.”

Digging himself deeper, Ian calls Kaitlyn “shallow.” He then laments the loss of vulnerable Kaitlyn who Farmer Chris left in shambles. He’s not interested in a self confidant and funny woman. This little window into his criticisms revealed a lot about our friend Hit & Run Ian. Ian doesn’t think humor is important. He’s also still single. Perhaps it’s more important than Ian realizes.

Ian calls himself the following:

“Too deep a thinker” 

“Too self aware” 

“Interesting” 

“Punished for being an intellectual”

“Destined to be the Bachelor”

Hold on there, Baba Looey. 

You went too far with that last one. Let’s check in with fellow Princeton alumni for their reaction?

Sorry Ian, You Tiger Now

As for the rest of the roses, we already know that Hans, Ugly Gosling, and Role Models Ben are safe.

Dr. Harris DDS, who the show calls Cupcake, dropped the oddest QOTN: “There’s a reason they call Texas the Wild West because things are getting out of hand.”

Do they call Texas the Wild West? Ummm. Ok. Joining them in rose safety?

• Chris Quinn
• Dr. Harris DDS
• Federal JJ
• American Pharoah
• Trainer Ben
• Tanner Dog

Goodbye Other Trainer Justin and Welder Josh – The two men most in need of a haircut are given the close shave and try to catch up with Ian’s limo on its way to Bachelor in Paradise.

We’re off to Dublin

In Dublin's fair city,

Where the girls are so pretty,

I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone,

As she wheeled her wheel-barrow,

Through streets broad and narrow,

Crying, "Cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh!"

"Alive, alive, oh,

Alive, alive, oh,"

Crying "Cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh".

She was a fishmonger,

But sure 'twas no wonder,

For so were her father and mother before,

And they wheeled their barrows,

Through the streets broad and narrow,

Crying, "Cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh!"

(chorus)

She died of a fever,

And no one could save her,

And that was the end of sweet Molly Malone.

But her ghost wheels her barrow,

Through streets broad and narrow,

Crying, "Cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh!"

Nick’s Overnight Date

Kaitlyn and Nick wear matching yoga pants and enjoy some of Dublin’s famous sites and sounds including St. Stephen’s Green, Grafton Street, river dance and pubs. Matching Claddagh rings were purchased as Hans settles in as the favorite. We have a lot of kissing and Jameson’s. Dugan’s going to go on record here: Irish Whiskey does not help you make good decisions.

Not designed by Neil Lane

I question why this handsy couple is in a church. I assume it must be a Protestant church but later Hans reports it was one of our friends headed by the Bishop of Rome.

The rest of the date goes like this:

The next morning, we get a Mesnick from Kaitlyn. She’s fluctuating between and not for her night spent with Hans. "I felt like we deserved that time together”

Chemistry. Check.

Emotions. Check. 

Passion. Check.

Favorite. Check.

In Kaitlyn’s defense, she offers a pretty strong defense: “I’ve never dated this many guys.”

Group Wake with Tanner Dog, Trainer Ben, Ugly Gosling, Role Models, Dr. Harris, and Chris Quinn.

The men arrive to find Kaitlyn in a coffin and they most offer eulogies. 

Morbid. Check.

Weird. Check.

Other things to do in Dublin. Might have us here, Fleiss & Co.

Some notes for the rest of this group date.

• Tanner Dog goes self-deprecating.
• Chris Quinn grabs a kiss.
• Dr. Harris sings Danny Boy.
• Role Models Ben went for humor.
• Ugly Gosling goes after Hans.
• Trainer Ben kicks the guys out and gets too serious.
• The Guinness Storehouse serves as the Wake After Party
• Jared gets the rose.
• Gosling is starting to crack under the pressure. 
• Fleiss & Co. let us behind the scenes and show Gosling talking to his show handler.
• The Cranberries are Kaitlyn’s favorite band. The Cranberries are anyone’s favorite band? Let me google them….they’ve sold over 40 MILLION ALBUMS?
• Gosling wants to have his Hans moment and we have to wait until next week to find out.

Mrs. Dugan drops my quote of the night: “There’s more to Ireland than churches and booze.”

Oh really?