The Bachelorette Almost Fantasy Suite Episode: Emily's Race to Love

We are introduced to beautiful Curacao for the fantasy suite episode with Sean, SLC Jef and Indy Arie. As Mrs. Dugan and the lil' Dugans are vacationing, I got to play the part of Fleiss & Co. this past weekend setting up my own fantasy suite date in the Florida Keys for former Tank Bachelor candidate Matt H. and Terrier Friend C.A.. Enough for inside baseball, let's get back to the episode. How does one bachelor blogging father keep what self respect they have left? Make sure the Home Run Derby is on the second TV.

Emily begins the episode lauding the three remaining guys with compliments: 

• Sean
• "Immediate connection, would be best dad ever"
• "Only wants to get married once"
• "Always be there for her"
• "Deeper than butterflies" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. BLAH BLAH BLAH.  – Do these people talk about actual life? Whether they will have joint checking accounts, religious beliefs, political beliefs…anything of significance?!?
• SLC Jef
• "own person, marches to own drum"
• "likes guys with an edge"
• "Quirky sense of humor"
• "Gets me in a way nobody else does"
• "Would make the best husband and the best step dad ever"
• Indy Arie
• Immediate connection (her thing for race car drivers...I'm looking at you Little E, Junior, Junebug)
• I keep wondering if they are grooming Arie to be the next bachelor?
• "Be my best friend, love me forever"

Emily concludes the prologue with the same speech given every year about falling for 3 guys at the same time and worrying about sending the wrong one home.  

Emily's Inquisition of Sean

What is Sean's big problem?  He has not dropped the L bomb yet. What does Sean have going for him? He gets to spend the day at Klein Island in Curacao.

This is the first episode of the season that there have been chinks in the Sean armor. His family opened him up to criticism based on past relationships. In conceited fashion, Sean says he maintained distance to prevent girlfriends from getting attached. I don't think Sean is helping himself and he knows it. What does Sean do? Offers up quote of the season material to change the subject: “So, I saw the snorkel stuff in the bag. Lets use it.” HILARIOUS. Sean, you win forever.

Later, at dinner, I start to wonder about Sean's chances. Does anyone believe that Sean likes Emily? Doubt is creeping. When he starts reading a letter to Ricki, I roll my eyes and think there is no way that’s his handwriting. I start to question if the same producer that dated Indy Arie writes all these notes. Then, the Fantasy Suite card comes out. Hmmmmm. Pretty, pretty similar.

As for that Fantasy Suite card , Emily gives him the boot. Woa. 

Sailing with SLC Jef

SLC Jef and Emily sail to an island for some paddle-surfing, cliff jumping and beach time. SLC Jef assures Emily that she passed his family's expectations. Now that she passed his family's test, SLC wants to meet Ricki to know if it can work with her. 

Before dinner, SLC offers a ridiculous quote. It's so bad I feel bad about typing it: “Sun is setting here in Curacao, but for me and Emily a whole life together is starting” – oh gad.

Dinner with SLC Jef

I appreciate that SLC Jef is getting past platitudes and asking real questions. 

• Where do you want to live? 
• Why can’t you find a guy? 
• Am I a good fit for Ricki?

SLC Jef says no to the fantasy suite card out of respect. Strong move. She wanted to turn him down but he beat her to the punch. 

Sailing with Indy Arie

Indy Arie and Emily are going swimming with wild dolphins in the ocean. This is not Sea World. Dugan has done this. Here.

But I did it at that lighthouse. And I completely understand why Emily was scared. But Indy Arie was not scared swimming with Dolphins proving he’d be a great dad. Seriously? I don't follow.

Over dinner, Emily keeps talking about how hard it will be to turn down the fantasy suite with Indy Arie. But she wants to know what Indy Arie is like on just a regular day. Not a day at the track, but just a regular day. 

What does Indy Arie do? “I sleep in and go out almost every meal.” I half-heartedly expected Emily to say that's why she thinks Arie is ready to be a father. She is willing to forgive Arie pretty much anything to get back together with a race car driver.

The Rose Ceremony

The guys make videos for Emily. I’ll recap the videos: the guys like her. It's island casual theme for the rose ceremony. And the first rose goes to SLC JEF! SHOCKED! Then Indy Arie. Less shocked, but still pretty surprised with SLC Jef over Sean. His lack of a nickname proved fatal.

Who is most happy about this decision?

But let's take a closer look at Sean's exit.

It looks pretty desolate. 1am? 2am? We know the early-season rose ceremonies go late. How about later in the season? I checked the departures for the Curacao airport (see link). Sorry, Sean, you are not flying direct out of Curacao back to Texas. Shit, you aren't going anywhere for a while. So that really means the drive away is just for show and he returns back to the hotel with all the crew, Emily, SLC and Indy. Ouch.

Until next week and the Men Tell All.