"If you miss the 1st part of the Bachelorette tonight, you'll have no idea what the world is talking about tomorrow. Yes, the world!" @chrisbharrison
I can't wait to see the show tonight.
Here's my wishlist for what Chris is talking about:
1) Krazey Kasey is coming back...and getting a rose.
2) Someone insults Ali's deceased grandmother.
3) Ali withdraws from the competition and recently-single Vienna steps in.
4) Frank admits that he is actually gay (this may actually happen).
5) Rated R gets kicked off for fighting, but Ali forces the producers to let him stay.
6) Wes comes back and sings "Love Don't Come Easy."
7) Chris Harrison admits that he has been having an affair with Ali or Rozlyn.
8) Kasey comes back (Did I already mention that?)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Bachelor Pad's All Star Lineup
If you did not know, the Bachelor/ette has a spinoff arriving this August: The Bachelor Pad. If the run down of Bachelor/ettes from previous seasons doesn't excite you, you should no longer read or follow this blog.
We have Tenley, Gia and Crazy Eyes back! We have Weatherman, Canadian Craig and Casual Michael Phelps back! We'll have favorites Juan and David back! Even "Love Don't Come Easy" Wes is on board.
Epic.
We have Tenley, Gia and Crazy Eyes back! We have Weatherman, Canadian Craig and Casual Michael Phelps back! We'll have favorites Juan and David back! Even "Love Don't Come Easy" Wes is on board.
Epic.
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Bachelorette Tries to "Be Normal"
Iceland
The show started off this week in surprisingly-charming Iceland. I should know this by now though since Iceland is the pretty one and Greenland is the ugly one, right? A little geographical play on words. Iceland also lends itself to corny quotes:
"No one dreams of going to Iceland to find love."
"We're going to get Iceland-ed up."
"Iceland is the perfect place to show her my tattoo."
This was also the time in Iceland of the volcano eruption. Ali says it's an exciting time to be in Iceland. Thank you Captain Obvious.
Poetry - Root Beer Eyes and Caviar Dreams
The first solo date with Ali goes to the Bachelor who writes and performs the best poem. The highlight of the poetry reading was seeing the Riddler speak! Once again, we ask, "who is this guy?" Seems to be lots of love poem experience in this group. Attempting to hear Kasey read his poem makes me realize that I never want Kasey to leave my life. He's needs his own drama on Lifetime. I'd tune in.
Kirk narrowly wins the poetry challenge over Frank by slowly walking towards Ali while commenting on her "rich root beer eyes."
Solo Date #1: Kirk
The date kicks off by a trip to a clothing store. Turns out that Icelandic clothing stores are the best place to go for ugly sweater parties.
The theme of this date is that Kirk has a secret. Ali knows it. ABC tried to throw us off the trail by noting that he can't say a bad thing about any of his ex's. I was convinced that Kirk was going to tell her he was on the no-fly list for airlines. Sadly, Kirk had been sick from mold, asbestos, and fungus in his college house. How does this not happen more often? My Dad's college house at Notre Dame was condemned. No one lives in Dugan and my old college house (pictured below in all it's glory). This reveal seemed a little too serious for a Bachelorette theme. On the other hand, at least it wasn't a previous divorce. Needless to say, Kirk got a rose. He's a front-runner now.
713 Notre Dame Ave - Where Dugan once had a snowdrift in his bedroom. No joke.
Group Date
Horse ride. Cave repelling. Volcano surfing. If Liz told me we were going on this exact date, I would likely ask to stay at the lodge together. Hey! I know what you're thinking. I'm not a sissy. I camp (in beach houses).
Later in the date, the group did some romantic hot-tubbing in some natural springs. This sounds more fun than the outdoor date, but going on this type of date with four other dudes is just too much. Frank seemed to agree with me because he "knows that he has something special with her" and needs to be with her.
After Frank and Ali had a heart-to-heart, the camera cut to the Riddler. Shocking! It would have been so great if she had given the rose to the Riddler. Alas, horse wrangler Ty lassoed Ali's heart and got the rose.
Double Date to the Death: Rated R vs. Kasey the Tattoo!
Before the date started, I predicted that Ali would give neither of these guys a rose. They are both really weird guys.
The date started off with the third helicopter ride of the season by my calculation. The date got them up close and personal with the volcano that cost Europe an estimated $200 million per day (fun fact of the blog). After checking out the lava, they went to have a picnic in a cave. It looked as equally uncomfortable as having a picnic on top of a commercial building rooftop.
Ali gets some sweet alone time with Kasey. This was his chance to prove his "genuine heart" and show off his tattoo. As expected, Ali looked positively freaked out. I don't think she should be though because Kasey is there to guard and protect her heart.
After a hike through the -30 degree ice cavern, Ali ruins my prediction and sends Kasey home. ABC does it again and leaves Kasey behind in the ice cavern with his fuzzy hat while Rated R snaps into a slim jim and takes off in the helicopter with Ali.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Great moment #1: Droopy Dog makes fun of Kasey's tattoo. Liz says, "too soon."
Great moment #2: The Riddler informs Ali that his guilty pleasure is...wait for it...wait for it...MEXICAN FOOD. He should have gone with lasagna. Would have been a more solid answer.
Great moment #3: Chris L. will collect garbage in San Francisco if it will get Ali.
Speaking of guys named Chris, our favorite, Chris Harrison confronted Ali by telling her she's afraid to fall in love. Ali said she's afraid of someone breaking her heart. It's called karma. And it's for what she did to Jake!
In the least shocking rose ceremony in Bachelor/ette history, the Riddler is sent packing. I'm sad that we'll never get to know what kind of Mexican food is his guilty pleasure. I heard he loved, "yo momma" jokes, but we just never got to hear enough of them. I wonder what his first CD was. I guess some questions are better left unanswered.
Hey Turkeys, see you next week!
The show started off this week in surprisingly-charming Iceland. I should know this by now though since Iceland is the pretty one and Greenland is the ugly one, right? A little geographical play on words. Iceland also lends itself to corny quotes:
"No one dreams of going to Iceland to find love."
"We're going to get Iceland-ed up."
"Iceland is the perfect place to show her my tattoo."
This was also the time in Iceland of the volcano eruption. Ali says it's an exciting time to be in Iceland. Thank you Captain Obvious.
Poetry - Root Beer Eyes and Caviar Dreams
The first solo date with Ali goes to the Bachelor who writes and performs the best poem. The highlight of the poetry reading was seeing the Riddler speak! Once again, we ask, "who is this guy?" Seems to be lots of love poem experience in this group. Attempting to hear Kasey read his poem makes me realize that I never want Kasey to leave my life. He's needs his own drama on Lifetime. I'd tune in.
Kirk narrowly wins the poetry challenge over Frank by slowly walking towards Ali while commenting on her "rich root beer eyes."
Solo Date #1: Kirk
The date kicks off by a trip to a clothing store. Turns out that Icelandic clothing stores are the best place to go for ugly sweater parties.
The theme of this date is that Kirk has a secret. Ali knows it. ABC tried to throw us off the trail by noting that he can't say a bad thing about any of his ex's. I was convinced that Kirk was going to tell her he was on the no-fly list for airlines. Sadly, Kirk had been sick from mold, asbestos, and fungus in his college house. How does this not happen more often? My Dad's college house at Notre Dame was condemned. No one lives in Dugan and my old college house (pictured below in all it's glory). This reveal seemed a little too serious for a Bachelorette theme. On the other hand, at least it wasn't a previous divorce. Needless to say, Kirk got a rose. He's a front-runner now.
713 Notre Dame Ave - Where Dugan once had a snowdrift in his bedroom. No joke.
Group Date
Horse ride. Cave repelling. Volcano surfing. If Liz told me we were going on this exact date, I would likely ask to stay at the lodge together. Hey! I know what you're thinking. I'm not a sissy. I camp (in beach houses).
Later in the date, the group did some romantic hot-tubbing in some natural springs. This sounds more fun than the outdoor date, but going on this type of date with four other dudes is just too much. Frank seemed to agree with me because he "knows that he has something special with her" and needs to be with her.
After Frank and Ali had a heart-to-heart, the camera cut to the Riddler. Shocking! It would have been so great if she had given the rose to the Riddler. Alas, horse wrangler Ty lassoed Ali's heart and got the rose.
Double Date to the Death: Rated R vs. Kasey the Tattoo!
Before the date started, I predicted that Ali would give neither of these guys a rose. They are both really weird guys.
The date started off with the third helicopter ride of the season by my calculation. The date got them up close and personal with the volcano that cost Europe an estimated $200 million per day (fun fact of the blog). After checking out the lava, they went to have a picnic in a cave. It looked as equally uncomfortable as having a picnic on top of a commercial building rooftop.
Ali gets some sweet alone time with Kasey. This was his chance to prove his "genuine heart" and show off his tattoo. As expected, Ali looked positively freaked out. I don't think she should be though because Kasey is there to guard and protect her heart.
After a hike through the -30 degree ice cavern, Ali ruins my prediction and sends Kasey home. ABC does it again and leaves Kasey behind in the ice cavern with his fuzzy hat while Rated R snaps into a slim jim and takes off in the helicopter with Ali.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Great moment #1: Droopy Dog makes fun of Kasey's tattoo. Liz says, "too soon."
Great moment #2: The Riddler informs Ali that his guilty pleasure is...wait for it...wait for it...MEXICAN FOOD. He should have gone with lasagna. Would have been a more solid answer.
Great moment #3: Chris L. will collect garbage in San Francisco if it will get Ali.
Speaking of guys named Chris, our favorite, Chris Harrison confronted Ali by telling her she's afraid to fall in love. Ali said she's afraid of someone breaking her heart. It's called karma. And it's for what she did to Jake!
In the least shocking rose ceremony in Bachelor/ette history, the Riddler is sent packing. I'm sad that we'll never get to know what kind of Mexican food is his guilty pleasure. I heard he loved, "yo momma" jokes, but we just never got to hear enough of them. I wonder what his first CD was. I guess some questions are better left unanswered.
Hey Turkeys, see you next week!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
GTL - Gym, Tan & Liquor!
I was in Vegas this weekend celebrating my sister's 21st birthday. Due to some unfortunate activities (for him) at various blackjack and roulette tables, many slot machines and a particularly cruel game of casino war, a member of our party is offered complementary rooms at the Palms. Luckily (for us) this meant I had unprecedented access to fellow guest Paul DelVecchio who was enshrined for all of eternity with his own tanning bed at Sunset Tan in Drift Spa in the Palms Hotel. For $50 you can get the GTL package which includes two tanning sessions in the PaulyD bed, a two-day gym pass and a round of 2-for-1 cocktails at Iron Chef Kerry Simon’s lounge opposite the spa are also included in the package (but you can get a stack of these coups if you're a girl and walk by one of their promoters and pretend like you're going to Rain).
The ribbon cutting ceremony at the Spa was just the beginning of his weekend. DJpaulyD was the featured act for 'Ditch' the Palms friday pool party (for those keeping score at home, girls wearing stilettos outnumbered guys with legit PaulyD hair styles 5 to 1) and he also spun at the Ghostbar later that night. Here is another WWT EXCLUSIVE (not really) interview with PaulyD from his hotel bathroom.
The ribbon cutting ceremony at the Spa was just the beginning of his weekend. DJpaulyD was the featured act for 'Ditch' the Palms friday pool party (for those keeping score at home, girls wearing stilettos outnumbered guys with legit PaulyD hair styles 5 to 1) and he also spun at the Ghostbar later that night. Here is another WWT EXCLUSIVE (not really) interview with PaulyD from his hotel bathroom.
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Bachelorette hits the Road
First Stop: New York City
This season the Bachelorette is going to freshen things up by taking the men around the world during their quest for love with Ali. Before we get further into this week's episode, we need to review last week. This week's Soup on E! hosted by Community's Joel McHale showed some interesting footage of everyone's favorite wrestler, Rated R. The problem was that Rated R switched which leg was injured during the walk up the hill. Rated R, you got some splainin to do!
Before the Men get all the way around the world, we need to drop some dead weight. While Ali meets with InStyle for a makeover, Weatherman is surprised at the building's height. Sometimes the little things that are said are so classic and missed. No shit, Weatherman. You're in New York. Not Manhattan, Kansas. And to the dates...
Kasey may be in trouble because the other guys are starting to detect something is wrong with him. Chris L's breakdown of Kasey's unicorn and rainbow love was only topped by Kasey's discussion of Ali's cocoon love they were going to share. As Kasey settles down with Ali, he exclaims, "This is Reality." Not one viewer in their right mind has any idea what the hell Kasey is talking about. Is the reality the helicopter ride off an aircraft carrier deck followed by another helicopter so it can film with sweeping panorama shots followed by a picnic in a park with champagne and an awful American Idol tryout. Dugan always wondered about the people on American Idol who were god awful but believe they are good. I wondered how fake it is. I have a feeling Kasey believes he is legit. Yikes.
Kasey is all sorts of fucked up and this is before he attempts to sing the second time at the Museum. Ali laughed when he paused during his first singing attempt at the park. You really felt bad for Ali during the entire date. Ali has no idea what to say to him. Her looks are priceless and Kasey is clueless: "yeah, that’s pretty intense stuff.” Kasey thinks everything is going swimmingly despite everything going drowningly (new word). Ali doesn't know how he got to psycho level so quickly and Kasey confidently responds, "It's just my heart. Jump in. Stay a while." Ummmmm. Ok.
Ali can't give a rose but doesn't want to cut Kasey yet for fear of what NYC will do to him in such a fragile state. What do we get? Man tears. For those counting at home: Kasey, Justin, John C., Frank, Floyd, Weatherman.
Jesse, Droopy Dog, Kirk, Weatherman, Frank, Ty and Roberto have what has to be the best date in Bachelor/ette history. Ali has the difficult task of selling 7 men on Broadway but I think she and the guys pulled it off pretty well. Weatherman's excitement for the Broadway Stage was palpable. So, again, for those keeping notes at home: Weatherman is totally cool with tights, singing and dancing in front of thousands on a Broadway Stage but scared pants-less kissing Ali during the BNL video.
Brutal singing by Weatherman, Frank, Ty, Doopy and Kirk opens the door for anyone mediocre. Peculiar Phelps does the best, but Roberto sings to Ali and wins the extra one-on-one time. Kirk calls him Rico Suave. Dugan laughs. The Wrap Party post date has Phelps taking casual to a whole new level. If he sticks around, he will be in a jersey at a rose ceremony. Ali's not feeling well and Chris L's one-on-one is in jeopardy. Once again, Ali fails to give out rose and Mrs. Dugan fears Ali forgot the rules of the show.
Chris L's one-on-one gets paused because of Ali's health. Chris L. plays the nice guy role well and brings flowers and soup. While Chris L. is securing a birth in the final four, Kasey is working in reality TV infamy via a tattoo. Remember, fans, that the Bachelor/ette likes to take itself seriously. What other show has contestants proving their love via tattoos? Rock of Love. Harrison and Fleiss do not want to look up Rock of Love for ideas.
I'll give you one guess what Kasey got a tattoo of? A shield protecting a heart. At the rose ceremony, the Weatherman sings and flops. Justin is talking with a producer who no one knows. Oh wait, that’s a contestant? The Orlando entrepreneur entertainer, aka, The Riddler.
It doesn't matter because no way The Riddler gets a rose in tonight's ceremony as no one has any idea who he is. Rated R calls out Kasey for lying and Chris L. makes an astute observation: "you're going to be the tattooed Bachelorette guy." Funny nugget of truth right there. Kasey gives her a bag of half open candy but Frank ruined the tattoo reveal.
8 roses for 10 men
Chris L is safe.
Kirk
Frank
Droopy
Chris N. - Holy shit, the Riddler advances.
Roberto
Justin
Ty
Kasey
Goodbye Casual Michael Phelps and Weatherman. Until next week.
Before the Men get all the way around the world, we need to drop some dead weight. While Ali meets with InStyle for a makeover, Weatherman is surprised at the building's height. Sometimes the little things that are said are so classic and missed. No shit, Weatherman. You're in New York. Not Manhattan, Kansas. And to the dates...
Night at the Museum III
Kasey finally gets his one on one to show his true insanity to Ali. There is no doubt in any fans mind who Kasey should end up with after this episode: Crazy Eyes herself. It's difficult to determine what was said on the date considering it was Kasey. Their conversation went a little like this:
Kasey may be in trouble because the other guys are starting to detect something is wrong with him. Chris L's breakdown of Kasey's unicorn and rainbow love was only topped by Kasey's discussion of Ali's cocoon love they were going to share. As Kasey settles down with Ali, he exclaims, "This is Reality." Not one viewer in their right mind has any idea what the hell Kasey is talking about. Is the reality the helicopter ride off an aircraft carrier deck followed by another helicopter so it can film with sweeping panorama shots followed by a picnic in a park with champagne and an awful American Idol tryout. Dugan always wondered about the people on American Idol who were god awful but believe they are good. I wondered how fake it is. I have a feeling Kasey believes he is legit. Yikes.
Kasey is all sorts of fucked up and this is before he attempts to sing the second time at the Museum. Ali laughed when he paused during his first singing attempt at the park. You really felt bad for Ali during the entire date. Ali has no idea what to say to him. Her looks are priceless and Kasey is clueless: "yeah, that’s pretty intense stuff.” Kasey thinks everything is going swimmingly despite everything going drowningly (new word). Ali doesn't know how he got to psycho level so quickly and Kasey confidently responds, "It's just my heart. Jump in. Stay a while." Ummmmm. Ok.
Ali can't give a rose but doesn't want to cut Kasey yet for fear of what NYC will do to him in such a fragile state. What do we get? Man tears. For those counting at home: Kasey, Justin, John C., Frank, Floyd, Weatherman.
The Rose King
Jesse, Droopy Dog, Kirk, Weatherman, Frank, Ty and Roberto have what has to be the best date in Bachelor/ette history. Ali has the difficult task of selling 7 men on Broadway but I think she and the guys pulled it off pretty well. Weatherman's excitement for the Broadway Stage was palpable. So, again, for those keeping notes at home: Weatherman is totally cool with tights, singing and dancing in front of thousands on a Broadway Stage but scared pants-less kissing Ali during the BNL video.
Brutal singing by Weatherman, Frank, Ty, Doopy and Kirk opens the door for anyone mediocre. Peculiar Phelps does the best, but Roberto sings to Ali and wins the extra one-on-one time. Kirk calls him Rico Suave. Dugan laughs. The Wrap Party post date has Phelps taking casual to a whole new level. If he sticks around, he will be in a jersey at a rose ceremony. Ali's not feeling well and Chris L's one-on-one is in jeopardy. Once again, Ali fails to give out rose and Mrs. Dugan fears Ali forgot the rules of the show.
Chris L's one-on-one gets paused because of Ali's health. Chris L. plays the nice guy role well and brings flowers and soup. While Chris L. is securing a birth in the final four, Kasey is working in reality TV infamy via a tattoo. Remember, fans, that the Bachelor/ette likes to take itself seriously. What other show has contestants proving their love via tattoos? Rock of Love. Harrison and Fleiss do not want to look up Rock of Love for ideas.
I'll give you one guess what Kasey got a tattoo of? A shield protecting a heart. At the rose ceremony, the Weatherman sings and flops. Justin is talking with a producer who no one knows. Oh wait, that’s a contestant? The Orlando entrepreneur entertainer, aka, The Riddler.
It doesn't matter because no way The Riddler gets a rose in tonight's ceremony as no one has any idea who he is. Rated R calls out Kasey for lying and Chris L. makes an astute observation: "you're going to be the tattooed Bachelorette guy." Funny nugget of truth right there. Kasey gives her a bag of half open candy but Frank ruined the tattoo reveal.
8 roses for 10 men
Chris L is safe.
Kirk
Frank
Droopy
Chris N. - Holy shit, the Riddler advances.
Roberto
Justin
Ty
Kasey
Goodbye Casual Michael Phelps and Weatherman. Until next week.
Monday, June 7, 2010
The Bachelorette Episode 3: "Mr. Jekyll and...Hyde."
Ali and her band of crying nerds were back for another installment of the Bachelorette. This week included the usual two individual dates and a group date.
Individual Date #1 - Roberto
Before Roberto's date began, I noticed that many of the fellas were drinking beer. They weren't just drinking any beer. They were drinking bud light out of cans. Nothing says a first date with your potential future wife like canned beer at $12 a case. Apparently product placement has also been effected by the recession.
Roberto's date allowed him to have the protector role. Helicopters and heights are two of Ali's major fears, but Roberto's baseball player balance and smooth spanish allowed him to navigate his dangerous date to perfection. While relaxing on a blanket atop a skyscraper, Liz noted how embarrassing it is to cuddle on national television.
After this date, I still like Roberto quite a bit. He seems like the guy she should end up with. Unfortunately, I do not think it is meant to be since Ali learned the majority of her spanish in a rap song. I was hoping she was going to rap "you ain't nothing but a hoochie mama, hood rat, hood rat, hoochie mama," but alas, she only rapped about besos.
Back Home
Speaking of songs, back at the Bachelor pad, there was speculation that the group date was going to be karaoke. Kasey then announced to the producers that he really hopes to sing for Ali. What, what, whaaaat!? (Thank the good Lord that next week's preview showed that Kasey will actually sing...next week will amazing).
Group Date
Sadly, we will have to wait a week for singing. On the bright side of things, we got the Barenaked Ladies. If you remember that there used to be a heavy-set guy who also sang in their band, you'd be correct. I was really hoping this date would be a contest to which of the guys could sing all the words of the fast part of "One Week." YOU KNOW YOU REMEMBER IT. Here, I'll start it: "Chickity China the Chinese Chicken, you grab a drumstick and your brain starts tickin."
Unfortunately, the new Barenaked Ladies song stinks. They decided to make a music video also. Bad idea. The guys all got to do a scene for the music video with Ali.
The best part of the video was the Weatherman getting really nervous about his fake kiss with her. Where's Craig M. when you need him? Sadly, back in Canada. As this was all going on, Frank was analyzing how real the connection was between Ali and each guy. I think Frank could be a great addition to our blog as a guest writer. He over-analyzes just like us!
Rated R
Rated R snapped into a slim jim and decided to hobble over to Ali's place. But how did he know how to get there? He GOT DIRECTIONS from the most useless security guard in hollywood history.
When Rated R arrived in the middle of Ali's interview with the producers, he said "seeing her face was worth it." At the time, her face looked like a blend of pissed off and confused. Nothing says love like that combo.
By the end of the stolen one-on-one time, Rated R actually seemed more likable. When the other guys found out later, they were mad at him for "self-promoting." This seems to be misguided. They should have been angry that he broke the rules. When he says he'd give up his wrestling career for her, I kind of believe it. It's like me saying I would give up playing video games for Liz, my wife. I would. And I did. Wrestling isn't really that different from video games.
Individual Date #2 - Hunter
Based on the odds, Hunter was doomed from the beginning because Ali had given roses to the first three guys on their individual dates. Hunter also had the odds stacked against him because we knew nothing about him. There are rarely dark horse winners on this show.
I counted Ali saying "no romantic connection" three times on their date. Hunter also kissed Ali on the shoulder while in the hot tub. Finally, Ali thanked Hunter "for being so great." I'm no Dr. Ruth, but I know this is not a winning combination.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
To no one's surprise at this point, the beer drinking continued. Coors Light beer breath never struck me as the best way to make a first or second impression.
Even with Hunter gone, we learned that she has some great guys left. Chris L. plays flip cup. No way! I play flip cup, says Ali. Steve makes a candle picnic. No way! I love impromptu picnics, says Ali. Divorced Ty quotes literature, "Mr. Jekyll and...Hyde." No way! I love literature.
The rose ceremony was relatively uneventful. The producers are obviously pulling their weight because there is not a snowball's chance in hell that Weatherman is a better guy to keep than Steve. It's impossible. I refuse to believe it. BUT he does make for a better little brother/whipping boy character. The other guy who got booted was John C. I didn't remember his name until they flashed it in his exit interview.
Until next week...
Individual Date #1 - Roberto
Before Roberto's date began, I noticed that many of the fellas were drinking beer. They weren't just drinking any beer. They were drinking bud light out of cans. Nothing says a first date with your potential future wife like canned beer at $12 a case. Apparently product placement has also been effected by the recession.
Roberto's date allowed him to have the protector role. Helicopters and heights are two of Ali's major fears, but Roberto's baseball player balance and smooth spanish allowed him to navigate his dangerous date to perfection. While relaxing on a blanket atop a skyscraper, Liz noted how embarrassing it is to cuddle on national television.
After this date, I still like Roberto quite a bit. He seems like the guy she should end up with. Unfortunately, I do not think it is meant to be since Ali learned the majority of her spanish in a rap song. I was hoping she was going to rap "you ain't nothing but a hoochie mama, hood rat, hood rat, hoochie mama," but alas, she only rapped about besos.
Back Home
Speaking of songs, back at the Bachelor pad, there was speculation that the group date was going to be karaoke. Kasey then announced to the producers that he really hopes to sing for Ali. What, what, whaaaat!? (Thank the good Lord that next week's preview showed that Kasey will actually sing...next week will amazing).
Group Date
Sadly, we will have to wait a week for singing. On the bright side of things, we got the Barenaked Ladies. If you remember that there used to be a heavy-set guy who also sang in their band, you'd be correct. I was really hoping this date would be a contest to which of the guys could sing all the words of the fast part of "One Week." YOU KNOW YOU REMEMBER IT. Here, I'll start it: "Chickity China the Chinese Chicken, you grab a drumstick and your brain starts tickin."
Unfortunately, the new Barenaked Ladies song stinks. They decided to make a music video also. Bad idea. The guys all got to do a scene for the music video with Ali.
The best part of the video was the Weatherman getting really nervous about his fake kiss with her. Where's Craig M. when you need him? Sadly, back in Canada. As this was all going on, Frank was analyzing how real the connection was between Ali and each guy. I think Frank could be a great addition to our blog as a guest writer. He over-analyzes just like us!
Rated R
Rated R snapped into a slim jim and decided to hobble over to Ali's place. But how did he know how to get there? He GOT DIRECTIONS from the most useless security guard in hollywood history.
When Rated R arrived in the middle of Ali's interview with the producers, he said "seeing her face was worth it." At the time, her face looked like a blend of pissed off and confused. Nothing says love like that combo.
By the end of the stolen one-on-one time, Rated R actually seemed more likable. When the other guys found out later, they were mad at him for "self-promoting." This seems to be misguided. They should have been angry that he broke the rules. When he says he'd give up his wrestling career for her, I kind of believe it. It's like me saying I would give up playing video games for Liz, my wife. I would. And I did. Wrestling isn't really that different from video games.
Individual Date #2 - Hunter
Based on the odds, Hunter was doomed from the beginning because Ali had given roses to the first three guys on their individual dates. Hunter also had the odds stacked against him because we knew nothing about him. There are rarely dark horse winners on this show.
I counted Ali saying "no romantic connection" three times on their date. Hunter also kissed Ali on the shoulder while in the hot tub. Finally, Ali thanked Hunter "for being so great." I'm no Dr. Ruth, but I know this is not a winning combination.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
To no one's surprise at this point, the beer drinking continued. Coors Light beer breath never struck me as the best way to make a first or second impression.
Even with Hunter gone, we learned that she has some great guys left. Chris L. plays flip cup. No way! I play flip cup, says Ali. Steve makes a candle picnic. No way! I love impromptu picnics, says Ali. Divorced Ty quotes literature, "Mr. Jekyll and...Hyde." No way! I love literature.
The rose ceremony was relatively uneventful. The producers are obviously pulling their weight because there is not a snowball's chance in hell that Weatherman is a better guy to keep than Steve. It's impossible. I refuse to believe it. BUT he does make for a better little brother/whipping boy character. The other guy who got booted was John C. I didn't remember his name until they flashed it in his exit interview.
Until next week...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Bracket Busting Bachellorette
Memorial Day is great, no work on a Monday is always a good thing and to top off a day of BBQs and Day Drinking we get to wrap it up with the latest installment of our favorite ridiculous show. Since my bachelorette bracket is completely busted, I’m now in complete, “root against the people I had losing in round 1” mode. And we’re off…
Allegedly, Ali handpicked Frank to go on the first date. Facts about Frank - He did not wear his glasses to the morning orientation ceremony, he takes off his glasses often, and he does not pay for the anti-reflective coating. He has contacts or his eye sight is not that bad – either way his Verizon guy glasses are ornamental. Ali drives them in a vintage convertible on a date to Hollywood. Ali and Frank have the most infamous slow speed drive down a freeway in LA since Al Cowlings and OJ, when the car “breaks down” and Ali and Frank are forced to walk/cab it on their date.
After a photo shoot on the walk of fame, Ali takes Frank up to the Hollywood sign. After some drinks, Ali explains that frank meets all her criteria as she wants someone who is FOUR things someone who is funny, smart and quirky. I guess 3 out of 4 is actually good enough. Frank gets the first on screen kiss from Ali
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Droopy dog confronts Rated R about fibbing to the group about his job before he told Ali that he’s an entertainment wrestler. This is going to be a great undercard in the fight lineup that is this season of the Bachelorette.
The main event looks like its going to be Craig M versus either the Weatherman or Michael Phelps as they are both seriously getting into on this
Group Date time:
It was a rough day for Rated R as his injury was even more of a handicap on the beach and the Canadian semi-pro-wrestler lagged behind as they moved around on the beach. As a former leg cast owner, I feel for him. The beach is the worst place to go with a broken leg. You can’t go in the water. Sand will be in that cast till you take it off. He shared that he, “felt like the odd man OOT” (DRINK ß rule left over from Jillian’s season).
The plan for the day was a photo shoot for charity shot. Its speedo time and the next few scenes reveal quite a bit about our contestant. Droopy Dog put his red banana hammock but still needed his junk blurred. Steve R. now wishes he got sent home as my lock of the week last week as he was offered a sock fill the “extra room” in his booty shorts. Through all of that, the weatherman has the most “junk self consciousness”
Ty pulled out the guitar and to everyone’s dismay, did not play, “Some say Love don’t come easy” but still seemed to win the moment with Ali. Shorly thereafter, Ty pulls out some baggage and spills the beans on his divorce. It looked as though the weatherman’s interruption of this heart to heart cut Ty off before he could turn the corner from Divorce talk to flirty talk, but Ty ends up with the rose at the end of night so it looks as though he played his cards right.
Ty’s rose and Brown Belt Weather Man is your prime example of why you don’t volunteer for the role of NARC, especially early in the competition. Wasting your precious time with the Bachellorette telling her about which guy you don’t like.
Michael Phelp’s initials are apparently JC which means he gets to go with Ali on a private plane to Vegas. This would be the makings of my dream bachelorette date. JC and Ali are staying in the new and fairly vacant city center hotels. JC then broke the Bachelor/ette record for saying “for sure” during a dinner. However, the swirly tattoos, spiky hair and general pleasantness was enough to get a rose.
Back at the mansion, Chris L, John C. and Roberto are three and who
Ali sits and confronts Craig M about his lack of nice comments towards her and the accusations of him being dangerous. Craig obviously was caught off guard and had nothing to say… he’s creepy silence was trumped only but his inability to convince Ali or the audience he had any interest with his. Even though Crazy Craig can’t speak or show any interest in Ali in their one-on-one time He is able to gather all the guys together to find out who call him ‘Dangerous’
Allegedly, Ali handpicked Frank to go on the first date. Facts about Frank - He did not wear his glasses to the morning orientation ceremony, he takes off his glasses often, and he does not pay for the anti-reflective coating. He has contacts or his eye sight is not that bad – either way his Verizon guy glasses are ornamental. Ali drives them in a vintage convertible on a date to Hollywood. Ali and Frank have the most infamous slow speed drive down a freeway in LA since Al Cowlings and OJ, when the car “breaks down” and Ali and Frank are forced to walk/cab it on their date.
After a photo shoot on the walk of fame, Ali takes Frank up to the Hollywood sign. After some drinks, Ali explains that frank meets all her criteria as she wants someone who is FOUR things someone who is funny, smart and quirky. I guess 3 out of 4 is actually good enough. Frank gets the first on screen kiss from Ali
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Droopy dog confronts Rated R about fibbing to the group about his job before he told Ali that he’s an entertainment wrestler. This is going to be a great undercard in the fight lineup that is this season of the Bachelorette.
The main event looks like its going to be Craig M versus either the Weatherman or Michael Phelps as they are both seriously getting into on this
Group Date time:
It was a rough day for Rated R as his injury was even more of a handicap on the beach and the Canadian semi-pro-wrestler lagged behind as they moved around on the beach. As a former leg cast owner, I feel for him. The beach is the worst place to go with a broken leg. You can’t go in the water. Sand will be in that cast till you take it off. He shared that he, “felt like the odd man OOT” (DRINK ß rule left over from Jillian’s season).
The plan for the day was a photo shoot for charity shot. Its speedo time and the next few scenes reveal quite a bit about our contestant. Droopy Dog put his red banana hammock but still needed his junk blurred. Steve R. now wishes he got sent home as my lock of the week last week as he was offered a sock fill the “extra room” in his booty shorts. Through all of that, the weatherman has the most “junk self consciousness”
Ty pulled out the guitar and to everyone’s dismay, did not play, “Some say Love don’t come easy” but still seemed to win the moment with Ali. Shorly thereafter, Ty pulls out some baggage and spills the beans on his divorce. It looked as though the weatherman’s interruption of this heart to heart cut Ty off before he could turn the corner from Divorce talk to flirty talk, but Ty ends up with the rose at the end of night so it looks as though he played his cards right.
Ty’s rose and Brown Belt Weather Man is your prime example of why you don’t volunteer for the role of NARC, especially early in the competition. Wasting your precious time with the Bachellorette telling her about which guy you don’t like.
Michael Phelp’s initials are apparently JC which means he gets to go with Ali on a private plane to Vegas. This would be the makings of my dream bachelorette date. JC and Ali are staying in the new and fairly vacant city center hotels. JC then broke the Bachelor/ette record for saying “for sure” during a dinner. However, the swirly tattoos, spiky hair and general pleasantness was enough to get a rose.
Back at the mansion, Chris L, John C. and Roberto are three and who
Ali sits and confronts Craig M about his lack of nice comments towards her and the accusations of him being dangerous. Craig obviously was caught off guard and had nothing to say… he’s creepy silence was trumped only but his inability to convince Ali or the audience he had any interest with his. Even though Crazy Craig can’t speak or show any interest in Ali in their one-on-one time He is able to gather all the guys together to find out who call him ‘Dangerous’
This elaborate set up’s sole purpose is to have a public war of words with Weatherman. Maybe Maverick (CC) and Iceman (Weatherman) is the wrong movie parallel here. Crazy Craig is def. more like the neighbor’s dad in American Beauty.
"Kiss me Weatherman"
Now on to the Rose Ceremony:
Frank, JC, Ty already have roses
Kasey gets the first rose, she loves his accent
Hunter, Whaa?
Roberto, obviously, this girl 'liked' jake and he can actually throw
Chris L, another fly under the radar reward
Rated R
Lock of the Week, Steve M. – grrrrr
Kirk
John C
DROOPY DOG! Seriously??
Chris N
WEATHER MAN! I love and hate that his NARCing was rewarded
Bye, Chris M. you were on the cover of the website and had almost zero screen time and you are sent home without an exit interview? Something fishy is going on here but we have nothing to go on here to form an opinion. What’s my theory, ask? He doesn’t drink. That combined with possibly having short and unexciting, “I don’t want to embarrass myself on TV” answers to questions and I think the producers swayed Ali away from him and then almost completely erased him from the show in post production. Tyler V goes home without a rose and an unexplained bruise or scrape on his forehead. Crazy Craig M. no longer has to call in sick to work but will def. be in local Canadian news at some point when he snaps.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
