The Bachelorette Episode 3: "Mr. Jekyll and...Hyde."

Ali and her band of crying nerds were back for another installment of the Bachelorette. This week included the usual two individual dates and a group date.

Individual Date #1 - Roberto

Before Roberto's date began, I noticed that many of the fellas were drinking beer. They weren't just drinking any beer. They were drinking bud light out of cans. Nothing says a first date with your potential future wife like canned beer at $12 a case. Apparently product placement has also been effected by the recession.

Roberto's date allowed him to have the protector role. Helicopters and heights are two of Ali's major fears, but Roberto's baseball player balance and smooth spanish allowed him to navigate his dangerous date to perfection. While relaxing on a blanket atop a skyscraper, Liz noted how embarrassing it is to cuddle on national television.

After this date, I still like Roberto quite a bit. He seems like the guy she should end up with. Unfortunately, I do not think it is meant to be since Ali learned the majority of her spanish in a rap song. I was hoping she was going to rap "you ain't nothing but a hoochie mama, hood rat, hood rat, hoochie mama," but alas, she only rapped about besos.



Back Home

Speaking of songs, back at the Bachelor pad, there was speculation that the group date was going to be karaoke. Kasey then announced to the producers that he really hopes to sing for Ali. What, what, whaaaat!? (Thank the good Lord that next week's preview showed that Kasey will actually sing...next week will amazing).

Group Date

Sadly, we will have to wait a week for singing. On the bright side of things, we got the Barenaked Ladies. If you remember that there used to be a heavy-set guy who also sang in their band, you'd be correct. I was really hoping this date would be a contest to which of the guys could sing all the words of the fast part of "One Week." YOU KNOW YOU REMEMBER IT. Here, I'll start it: "Chickity China the Chinese Chicken, you grab a drumstick and your brain starts tickin."

Unfortunately, the new Barenaked Ladies song stinks. They decided to make a music video also. Bad idea. The guys all got to do a scene for the music video with Ali.

The best part of the video was the Weatherman getting really nervous about his fake kiss with her. Where's Craig M. when you need him? Sadly, back in Canada. As this was all going on, Frank was analyzing how real the connection was between Ali and each guy. I think Frank could be a great addition to our blog as a guest writer. He over-analyzes just like us!

Rated R

Rated R snapped into a slim jim and decided to hobble over to Ali's place. But how did he know how to get there? He GOT DIRECTIONS from the most useless security guard in hollywood history.

When Rated R arrived in the middle of Ali's interview with the producers, he said "seeing her face was worth it." At the time, her face looked like a blend of pissed off and confused. Nothing says love like that combo.

By the end of the stolen one-on-one time, Rated R actually seemed more likable. When the other guys found out later, they were mad at him for "self-promoting." This seems to be misguided. They should have been angry that he broke the rules. When he says he'd give up his wrestling career for her, I kind of believe it. It's like me saying I would give up playing video games for Liz, my wife. I would. And I did. Wrestling isn't really that different from video games.

Individual Date #2 - Hunter

Based on the odds, Hunter was doomed from the beginning because Ali had given roses to the first three guys on their individual dates. Hunter also had the odds stacked against him because we knew nothing about him. There are rarely dark horse winners on this show.

I counted Ali saying "no romantic connection" three times on their date. Hunter also kissed Ali on the shoulder while in the hot tub. Finally, Ali thanked Hunter "for being so great." I'm no Dr. Ruth, but I know this is not a winning combination.

Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony

To no one's surprise at this point, the beer drinking continued. Coors Light beer breath never struck me as the best way to make a first or second impression.

Even with Hunter gone, we learned that she has some great guys left. Chris L. plays flip cup. No way! I play flip cup, says Ali. Steve makes a candle picnic. No way! I love impromptu picnics, says Ali. Divorced Ty quotes literature, "Mr. Jekyll and...Hyde." No way! I love literature.

The rose ceremony was relatively uneventful. The producers are obviously pulling their weight because there is not a snowball's chance in hell that Weatherman is a better guy to keep than Steve. It's impossible. I refuse to believe it. BUT he does make for a better little brother/whipping boy character. The other guy who got booted was John C. I didn't remember his name until they flashed it in his exit interview.

Until next week...