Ok, Dugan’s phone is blowing up and we are yet 30 minutes into the episode? Has ABC forgot that the dramatic arc of their episodes require the climax in the last 10 minutes? What the hell is going on!
As you can tell from the beginning of the blog entry, Dugan watched the show alone as Mrs. D and Lil‘ Dugan are in Indiana. Watching with wife, friends, etc. is one thing. Watching alone and taking notes with your laptop to write a blog entry is quite another. Let’s not dwell and get to the big episode.
How do we know something bad is going to happen? Ali begins the episode explaining how well things are going: “I DON’T THINK ANYTHING COULD GO WRONG AT THIS POINT.” Ali, have you ever watched reality television? Does it thrive on things going well? No, it’s about contrived drama.
Enter: Chris Harrison. It turns out former contestant Jessie alerted Chris Harrison using the Batchelorette Signal.
Harrison and Robin secured the accuracy of the information. Rated R has been acting odd for a reason. He has a serious girlfriend at home and the show is just an avenue for his entertainment wrestling career. Speaking of contrived drama, they have Ali speak to Rated R’s girlfriend Jessica about their two year relationship. Apparently Jessica was ok with the plan to deceive Ali and millions of fans until she found out Rated R was not only double timing her in public on TV, but also with another girl back home in Canada.
Ali wants to cut her losses and give Rated R the dreaded NC-17 rating and remove him from television. Our fearless caped crusader gives some motivation: “Be strong and let him have it.” Ali confronts him in front of everyone else.
Rated R responds by running, grabbing only his passport and wallet. The men stare out the window as Rated R leaves the back of the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. Ali forebodes, “You’re going to regret this.” And he did as apparently the back of the hotel is a maze and traps poor Rated R. He eventually makes it out, comes up with some poor excuses and leaves the show.
Ty, Ali & the Magical Bathhouse
Ty gets the first one-on-one as Droopy Dog is starting to worry about his lack of one-on-one time. As Rated R exits stage left, Frank steps up to become the least likeable guy in the house. He doubts Ty and Ali’s connection but Ty and Ali have a pretty successful date, and by the looks of upcoming scenes for the season, Ty’s backrub secures a long run to the end.
The most interesting thing to come from this date was Ty’s honesty about the reason for his divorce. Ty gets points for honesty but not for his progressive stance on women in the workplace. He admitted he was really surprised that women work and even “are presidents of companies and CEOs.” I wonder what year it is in Ty’s head. But he tells Ali he’s a better person now and thinks its cute she has that Facebook job.
She buys it and gives him a rose.
Bachelorette Wrestlemania
The fact that this group date comes after the exit of Rated R is delicious irony. Golf clap, ABC. Droopy Dog reads the date card (Landscaper, Kirk, Roberto and himself) and realizes Frank is getting his second one-on-one before he has had alone time with Ali.
The final group date of the season begins wonderfully. With the Turkey version of DAS BOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
It’s a good idea ABC got these guys liquored up because they about to fight half naked Turkish men drenched in olive oil. These next five minutes make Top Gun look manly. There’s some one on one time on the line, but they’re gonna have to fight for it.
Kirk is scared: “THEY ARE OILED UP!” The Landscaper is not excited where this is going: “Men oiled up in black leather pants.” Droopy dog prefers a different fight : “I fight with words, generally. That’s like…my job.”
The Turkish men wreck house and the bachelors are left to fight among themselves for some one-on-one time. Droopy surprisingly wins and enjoys a late night cruise with Ali with some body language that seals Droopy Dog’s time on the show as short. Droopy is working for hugs and Ali is complimenting him on being “so funny, so sweet.” We all know where this is heading for the Dog.
Frank, Ali and the Unwanted Carpet Sale
I don’t know what to say about this date other than Frank is really getting on my nerves. I’ll cut it short because the blog has gone on too long at this point.
Positives: Ali’s belly dancing look. Frank having to buy a rug from Borat’s assistant.
Negatives: Frank gets a rose and is going far.
Rose Ceremony
Ali sees no need for cocktail party and the audience knows why. Let’s let the Kids in the Hall show you what happens.
Goodbye Droopy Dog.
Next week in Lisbon, Portugal with Ty, Frank, Roberto, Landscaper & Kirk. What are the odds Ali assumes Roberto speaks Portuguese?
Posts
I've really enjoyed the double post this week. I was worried at first, but I could probably read 10 summaries of this legendary show.
ReplyDeleteDugan, your DVR/text discussion was great. Since you guys are East Coast and we are on the West Coast, I have to shut off all communicaiton. I do this with two shows: Notre Dame football and the Bachelor/ette. I'm not sure what this says about my life, but it can't be good.
As always, the links are great. I had never seen Tarantino's analysis of Top Gun before. SWORDFIGHT! I could see the olive-oil wrestling team participating in a little swordfight before the 80s black leather pants get slapped on.
Also, the golden retriever Old Yeller with the shaving cream on its muzzle is hilarious. Did you know that in the real old yeller story, the family got old yeller from his rightful owner in exchange for a "home-cooked meal."
I wonder if Frank paid the full $900 for the rug? Having been in a similar rug shop in Morocco, I can tell you that he should not have paid over $75 (even with the two ugly pillowcases thrown in).
Dugan, I thought all Latinos spoke Portuguese?
I love how every mediteranian shop owner has a calculator as their tool to show stupid tourist how much they want to rip you off. They all buy the same model, yet there are no Office Depots anywhere??
ReplyDeleteWhat happens next week?? does just frank go home? or does Frank go home at the begining and then someone else go home later? I hate/love how this show never sticks to its own rules.