MEGA-SUPER RE-CAP, AY

Chris Harrison put his “breaker of bad news hat” on to kick off the show and says to Ali “I’ve been made aware of a situation” BACHELOR/ETTE TRANSLATION: MOST DRAMATIC EPISODE EVER. While Ali checks her pulse our boy Harrison seems to be enjoying himself immensely as he calls Jesse from Jake’s season who hands the phone over to… her little sister? Hiedi Fliess’s daughter? I dunno, but who ever this chick is she claims to be future-Mrs-Rated-R who was supposedly sold on the idea that her boyfriend going on the show would be the big break for Rated-R’s wrestling career. Apparently, she didn’t see where Wes Hayden is playing his next gig:

Tickets are still available for the July 1st
show at The Lucky Mule in Abiline, Texas

It was really really hard for Jessica to talk aboot how Rated-R was “there for the wrong reasons” and she was genuinely sowery being the drama creator, but she had no choice because she found ooot Rated-R had yet another girl on the side.

Once Ali confronts Justin, he makes no attempt to defend himself and just claims “I’m ooot.” And he was serious. He ditched all his clothes, grabbed his passport and left. I find it hard to believe that the he had his passport. Most hotels in that part of the world hold on to your passport till you pay and if they didn’t I would think Chaperon Harrison would hang on to them. But who knows, Turkey is a pretty messed up country.

Justin seems to walk in circles, in bushes, even tried to go into a restaurant and even they didn’t want any of his business. When we come back from a commercial break, Rated-R comes back to ‘talk it out’ with Ali. My theory is that they either had Justin’s passport or they said he would have to pay for his own way back unless he had an exit conversation with Ali. And thank your God he did because he goes all SUPER CANADIAN… words can't even describe sooo… here you go:


The last we see of Justin/Rated-R he is walking away as an audio compilation of his voicemails left to Jessica were dubbed over him gimping around looking for a cab. He obviously learned nothing from the Tiger Woods saga and left voicemails to a now estranged girl friend. Its too bad they didn’t also have his vms or sexts to his other girls.

Ty gets the first date, they go into a Turkish spa. No fat men in towels?? Most boring one-on-one ever. I want more Rated-R talk. Ty get a rose.

The group date consisted of Droopy Dog, Roberto and Chris L olive oil wrestling professional turks. Kirk L is shivering and not looking like he’s having any fun. Droopy Dog is pumped to get a chance at wraslting for his first extended one-on-one time with Ali and while his first obstacle, Chris L is bigger, Droops goes in high allowing for Chris to come in low and get the first control hold. Droopy summons all the strength of his flab and pulls a reversal and pins Chris L for a spot in the finals. The same things happens to Kirk. He’s given a gift of the smaller guy staying upright and can’t capitalize… All these guys need learn how to wrap up an aggressor properly

The show down between Droppy Dog and Roberto goes the distance and BigD proves the age old saying that "heart and motivation can go up against someone who is actually in shape and give them a competitive oil wrestling match." Even though Roberto, as Droopy says, “picked me up and slammed my head into the ground” (the Turkish wrestling trick known as ‘gerdanlama’ according to Turkishoilwrestling.net) Droopy pulls out a lucky victory by getting both of Roberto’s elbows on the ground simultaneously before Droops shoulders and head slam into the group for a second time. Instant replay shows that Roberto may have had one elbow off the ground - you decide:

Nonetheless, Droopy gets his well fought for 1-on-1 time and is currently the frontrunner for cuddling most awkwardly with Ali. He also seems to have a swollen face from when Roberto dropped him. Or he got a sun burn in the rain. Either way - not hot. He tells Ali she is beautiful “inside and out” almost a Casey-amount of times. No kissing to be seen but he is stoked about his alone time.

Next, Frank has a frank-tastic 1-on-1 and proves he cannot manage his future family’s finances and gets conned into buying a rug he doesn’t want. He gets a rose at dinner.

In the latest twist, Ali is lagging and making all the guys but Ty and Frank (already rosed-up) nervous. Ali has indeed already made up her mind. Chris L. has worn sneakers to this and the casual kid has had a history of getting sent home. But I also can’t help but think that Ali might play the friend card and send our boy Droopy home. (Side note: would two people have gone home if Rated-R had stuck around?)

Rose Ceremony Re-Cap
Roberto gets the first rose – no surprise there.
Chris L and his sneeks get the second rose. Now its quite the toss up between Kirk and DroopyDog. Ali alluding to all her relationships moving forward except for one, this seems like it would be bad news for Kirk as he didn’t have a lot of one-on-one time this episode. But, Ali is so confident in her decision that she didn’t even want to have a cocktail party, you would think she would have wanted to talk to Kirk one more time if it was him. I think this is the end for Droopster.

Chris Harrison… “This is the final rose, Gentlemen. Ali, when you’re ready”

Hit Play on the DVR…

Dramatic Music....

Ali stares at the floor…

Kirk… Boom!

Here's some of the footage cut out from the end of Ali and Craig's one-on-one time. I guess he couldn't tell he was in the friend zone.