Good news gentlemen, you're packing your bags and leaving Waffle House, Applebee's, and Charlotte behind. We're off to Bermuda. According to Emily, Bermuda has "Emily" written all over it. Amazingly, she's right.
When the guys arrived, Fleiss and Co. put them on a Vespa motorcycle death ride. Unfortunately, SLC Jeff survived.
Solo Date: Father Doug
Ugh. This guy is so annoying. In case you didn't know, he put his whole life on hold to be there. Fr. Doug was very nervous about his date. He should have channeled that nervousness into choosing a better wardrobe. I'm not feeling the v-neck, khaki shorts, and penny loafer look.
When asked how he got to be the way he is, Fr. Doug replied, "by being a dad." Before fatherhood, this was Doug:
The date took them to a Bermudian tradition, the "moon gate." Amazingly, it allowed the entrants to make a love-based wish. For someone like me that believes in true love, this was pretty cool.
As the date went on, Emily gave Fr. Doug the kiss-of-death by saying that he reminds her of Brad because he seems so perfect. For those of you new to this show, "perfect" = shady, robotic, potentially abusive, and boring.
Father Doug got a rose, but it sure didn't feel like he's going far in this competition to be Ricki Bobbie's daddy.
Group Date: Trauma Charlie, Uncle Rico, Chris, SLC Jef, Sean, Indy Arie, Egg Man, Kalon
The group date was all about sailing. Kalon announced that he is excited to get some sun. I couldn't think of a funny or appropriate way to post a picture of a sunbathing dude.
The date consisted of a boat race to get a date with Emily later in the night. As the race started, it became clear that it is very hard to look cool while sailboat racing. Cutoff finger gloves, wind burned faces, and teva sandals are not a great look. And believe me, I know cool.
Trauma Charlie's team lost. On the van ride back to the hotel, he sobbed. I think that brain injury is rearing its ugly head.
The winners (SLC Jef, Kalon, Rico, Indy) got to have dinner with Emily. Uncle Rico, really going for the villain role, toasted to Emily, his future "trophy wife."
While Uncle Rico was getting offensive, Indy Arie was making out with Emily. Indy Arie is going to the final two.
Uncle Rico Ryan and Emily engaged in some Southern banter. Mrs. Wags tuned out because it sounded like the coach in the Waterboy.
The date rose went to SLC Jef. Still, no one has acknowledged his hairdo.
2-on-1 Date to the Death: Nate (who?) and Wolf
On this date, one person must go home. I haven't kept great Bachelor/ette statistics, but I am pretty sure that the winner of the 2-on-1 date has never won the whole show. This year will be no exception.
The real drama was happening back at the house. Father Doug (33 years old) picked a fight with Bobblehead Chris (25 years old). As you can tell from my parentheticals, the fight was about age and maturity.
Back on the date, dinner with the two eventual losers was in a cave. It seemed damp; in humidity level and spirit.
The meal included quinoa. I have nothing else to say about that.
Both of the guys were interested in "being themselves" and showing Emily "who they really are." Apparently, Wolf did a better job and got the rose. I guess Nate's real self just wasn't good enough.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Before the party, Emily did some homework with Ricki Bobbie. Apparently, she has now enrolled in home schooling. That usually works out well.
After hearing Uncle Rico talk about how awesome he is and how he could throw a football over those mountains, he made the mistake of admitting that he wants to be the next Bachelor.
Father Doug and Bobblehead Chris had another showdown about the age (non) issue. Chris said he's never going to "stand down" to Doug. Doug appropriately pointed out that Chris was acting immaturely by even having the conversation. Chris looked like an idiot. Point: Father Doug.
In her interview with Harrison, Emily said she has that "sixth sense." Hopefully she doesn't give any roses to dead Bachelors she thinks are in the room.
In addition to the three date roses, Emily awarded Sean, Indy Arie, Egg Man Travis, Bobblehead Chris, Uncle Rico, Kalon, and Ollie Handro.
Trauma Charlie and Ponytail Mike are headed home. What a trauma-tic ending.
Until next week in London. Get well Prince Philip.
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I have to say I disagree with Ms. Wags facebook comment re not liking this episode. This was my favorite show of the season. I howled at SLC Jef's Bermuda styling for the Rose Ceremony. And no mention of it in the blog? The guys didn't rip his style? Emily didn't mention it? Or was I paying too much attention to game 5 of Spurs-Thunder?
ReplyDeleteThen you have an incredibly awkward 2-on-1 date. Agreed with your assessment. There are clear favorites and storylines going but there has not been a difficult elimination yet.
And our boy Trauma Charlie just can't take it anymore. The Bobblehead complains about being called immature in an immature way. This show is almost too perfect. Father Doug could be renamed "El Douche" mid season. I would love for ABC to have sent cameras to interview his exes and baby momma. I am sure they could come up with something beyond him being too perfect. Dugan and Wags are not perfect but we have managed to have amazing wives for a combined decade+.
Speaking of Dugan, Father Doug dropped some 3rd person Dougification. Have I mentioned I love this show?
You know what stood out the most? Bermuda. Wow.