These seasons of the Bachelor/ette have become much more difficult to blog since Lebron and Wade have the Heat playing in late May/June. I apologize for the fans waiting to hear our recap. This week had two One-on-Ones and a Group Date.
Bobblehead's Climb for Love...and Dinner
Bobblehead began the night with a climb up the side of a Charlotte Building. Dugan confesses he does not know anything about Charlotte and will continue to deride it as a Podunk sleepy southern town where all the residents sip sweet tea and dress up for dinner at Applebees. So they climbed the tallest building in Charlotte:
As a Hurricane descended on Charlotte during the climb, Emily began whimpering. Mrs. Dugan said it was only because she feared her makeup would run. This climb was the most annoying Emily has been on the season. At the top of the Waffle House, Bobblehead wanted a kiss but settled for a high five.
After the high five, the date is going pretty well until Emily finds out Bobblehead is only 25.
Uh oh. Red Flag. Bobblehead tumbles from a favorite all the way to less than favorite. They danced to some country guy who had incredible lyrics: "You make my speakers go Boom Boom..." and Bobblehead drops some head scratching quotes:
- "greatest experience of my life"
- "this has to be the top moment of my life"
What the hell is happening? Are Fleiss & Co. slipping Spanish Fly into the guys drinks on these dates.
Group Interrogation
The next date brought the guys to Guantanamo to face intense questioning from Emily's friends. Ok, it was a park in Charlotte. Plywood Tony, Trauma Charlie, Ollie Handro, MC Stevie, Uncle Rico, Grain Merchant, Sean, Wolf, Michael Ponytail, Father Doug, SLC Jef, and the Egg Man get to face tough questions then take their aggression out on local kids.
In a huge surprise, Plywood Tony and Father Doug talk about also having kids. Get over it. We know you have kids. Does that mean anyone with a kid should automatically step to the front of the date Emily line? If so, watch out Mrs. Dugan. These guys need something else. That well is dry.
In other highlights:
- SLC Jef points out he has a thing for single moms. He should have brought that up with Token.
- Egg Man's act is wearing thin
- MC Stevie busts a move
- Sean stands out, talks about his faith a little too much, and will most likely cheat on Emily with her friend Wendy
- Uncle Rico does pushups in a very Uncle Ricoesque move. Fitness is important to Rico as he explains that Emily better keep fit. (This did not go over well with Emily or her friends). I immediately thought of the following:
After Party
Is it odd that I wondered if there could be an after party for Guantanamo interrogations? Yes? Ok, I'm not well. Moving on to Emily's after party where she asked Father Doug to explain ANYTHING else about him besides his fatherness. Oops. It was 6 or 7 sentences and it involved epilepsy, abandonment by his mother, his father's premature death and splitting up from his only family left (sister) via foster homes. GO BACK TO FATHERNESS! Go back and never come back.
Sean's parents still kiss! We are all proud of you and your family, Sean. Plywood Tony misses his son and Emily obliges.
Indy Arie Goes to Dollywood
Isn't ABC a Disney company? Anyone else surprised that Fleiss & Co. got Disney to produce a full-on infomercial for Dollywood? Emily must be pulling some strong strings behind the scenes. But by the looks of it, Dollywood is hurting for business as there was no one at the park besides Indy Arie and Emily. Arie, ala SLC Jef and Token, has a thing for single moms and secures the rose. Emily continues talking about children - and having lots more - more than anyone else on show history.
Rose Ceremony
- Kalon doesn't like that he missed out on a date this week. Emily's body language is not good. Kalon doesn't help when he offers this gem: "I love it when you talk but I wish you'd let me finish." Ouch babe. That silver tongue will probable secure a producer's rose for Kalon.
- Egg Man gets rid of the egg.
- The Grain Merchant is a Gypsy King "with all the freedom I've ever wanted." She kicks him off and this is all I can think of:
- Uncle Rico doesn't like Indy Arie moving in on his old lady in another very Uncle Ricoesque move. He calls race car driver Indy Arie a "dainty man." As Dugan Guest Lindsey points out, "this comes from a man who sculpts his beard."
- Bobblehead, Sean and Indy Arie are safe followed by SLC Jef, Trauma Charlie, Father Doug, Michael Ponytail, Egg Man, Ollie Handro, Uncle Rico, Wolf, Kalon Hilfiger (producer's choice), and Nasty Nate.
Nasty Nate and Michael Ponytail are going to vie for going the longest with no camera time. I am rooting for you both.
Goodbye MC Stevie and Grain Merchant. Your dancing and 3rd cousin dating stories will be missed.
Until next week.
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I'm really enjoying this season so far. I think there are some interesting story lines brewing. Unlike past seasons, Fleiss and Co. haven't given too much away too early.
ReplyDeleteFor example, who is the favorite? As Dugan deftly pointed out, Bobblehead Chris appeared to be a favorite and then dropped like a helicopter descending on the bachelor house. I predict a modest comeback for Chris. Also, Sean appeared to be a nobody at first, but his faith seems like it might take him far.
We also have some villains brewing. Kalon seemed like the obvious choice, but Uncle Rico and Father Doug seem like they might make a strong push.
Why has no one, including Emily's PTA group of friends, commented on SLC Jef's hair? Shouldn't that haircut alone exclude a suitor from stepdad duties? I demand answers for why that soft-spoken arrogant Mormon hipster is not being criticized for his 'do.
I loved the slow dance scene at Dollyworld. Emily didn't give two craps about Indy Arie. She was making eyes at 123-year-old Dolly Parton the whole time. After doing a little research on Dolly Parton's qualifications to give marriage advice, I was pleased to see that she recently celebrated her 46th anniversary with her husband. On the other hand, I was displeased to find out that she is Miley Cyrus's godmother.
Though his time on the show was brief, I am going to miss Alessandro's unwashed hair and love (and fateful) use of the word "compromise." No, you heard me right, compromise.
Emily likes tall, skinny, and funny. How cool is that?
A Bachelor question: When Indy Arie packed his luggage before his solo date, his ONE BAG looked like it was carry-on size. Of course, that can't be all of his stuff, right? He must have at least a few suits for rose ceremonies. Maybe some swimsuits for a a trip to Bermuda? V-neck t-shirts for general bachelor uniform? So, assuming that all of this can't fit in one small bag, are the Bachelors just acting when they're packing their bags? If so, I wonder if any of them in the past have been more proficient "packing actors/fakers?" Rest assured, I will be paying attention.
Looking forward to next week.
This episode was so dramatic. I can't believe that one look the main girls friends gave after the douchey guy gave that awful answer. The camera did all those quick cuts to get reactions. Man oh man.
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