On to the good stuff. Mrs. Wags and I discussed the finale at dinner. She asked me which bachelorette I thought would win. I replied, "Lennay, because I just can't see a contestant with a foot tattoo winning it all." I asked her who she thought would win. She deftly said, "Lindsay, because I can't believe that a person with a foot tattoo has never won." With the wise words of Wu Tang in mind, let's start the show.
The episode started off in the studio with @chrisbharrison announcing that this will be a "three hour finale." Even with this time change, I'm worried that I will not be able to stay up this late. The power of Neil Lane must get me through.
Sean's family arrived Thailand, dressed in their best Easter pastels, to meet the ladies. Lennay came first. Guess what? She's falling in love. I can see their future:
Sean's mom grilled Lennay about how she knew she was falling in love. Lennay said it's because she writes him notes. And he writes notes back. How could the letter at the end be from anyone other than Lennay? On the other hand, it would be better if the note was from Sean's mom, Chris Harrison, Emily, Neil Lane, or Dugan (not necessarily in that order).
Next came the General's Daughter. For some reason, I just cannot see her winning. Maybe it has something to do with this:
GD made a good impression with Sean's day about bringing up the power of prayer. (Personal confession: "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" was the first tape I ever owned).
Sean, predictably, is in love with both women. Sean's family, predictably, doesn't understand how someone can propose to one woman but be undecided. ABC's producers, predictably, are very happy that Sean is following the protocol.
Sean showed just how torn up he is by pulling a Flajnik (see bottom for Dugan's Flajnik reference).
Sean then went on last-dates with each woman. The General's Daughter went first. They took a river raft down the muddy waters of the Mekong. I wish they had gone swimming so they could get eaten by a couple of these catfish. Instead, they stayed on the raft. Sean said that that Lindsay would be a "hot old chick." That seems like a very safe comment to make if you are going to choose the other woman.
Sidenote: I really like the music on the Bachelor. I don't meditate, but the music makes me want to learn. Can I get the soundtrack somewhere?
Lindsay said she had "something special" to share with Sean. I assumed she meant lingerie, but it turned out to be three lanterns that fly away into the sky and represent their love and their future and some other really romantic things. Sean probably wanted the lingerie.
We are now an hour into the show and NO NEIL LANE! What the heck ABC!?
Lennay got her final date. It started off with Scar telling Sean and Lennay to go to the Elephant Graveyard. It was actually just a good old fashioned elephant walk.
Lennay struggled to say the right words to express how she feels. Now that she bared her emotions, it gave Sean the chance to stick to the script and utter, "I never thought I would be in this position." Do you think ABC has to write that on a cue card every season or do the bachelors just know?
Lennay finished the date by saying "I love you" to Sean. Sean romantically replied, "thanks for the nice day."
Finally my wishes came true. Neil Lane appeared in the 85th minute. Sean awesomely said, "hey...Neil Lane." I'm now inspired to only call my friends by their full names. Looks like I have a fun game to play at work tomorrow. Unfortunately, Sean Lowe picked the ring in about 20 seconds, robbing us of Neil Lane time. I'm filing a formal complain with Chris Harrison.
The Proposal and the Rejection
The dreaded first woman out of the limo was the General's Daughter, rocking a healthy dose of overconfidence and just a dash of foot ink. Sean greeted Lindsay with compliments, but then said "lā k̀xn" (goodbye, Thai-style). Lindsay, in her most mature moment on the show, said "goodbye, I'm glad you found someone."
As predicted, Harrison delivered a letter from Lennay. The letter turned out to be a rather pedestrian love letter.
Lennay arrived in her lucky gold dress. Sean proposed marriage as Lennay as she almost passed out.
Until next season, with hopefully just as many sunset elephant rides.
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