The Bachelorette Episode 2: Say Yes to (Rapping with) Des

Dugan's premiere recap is a tough act to follow.  With the right amount of scotch and pie, I will try to at least take him to a game seven.

The preview showed that the guys will be filming a rap video and yelling at Father Ben, this year's villain.  Episode two has major potential (for the audience).

First Solo Date: Brook(e)(s)

Confession: I had to rewind to hear if his name is Brooks or Brook.  Or is it Brooke?  Wait...is Brooke a ladies' name?  More scotch will help me answer these questions.

Brooks and Des took a trip along the coast in the ugliest Bentley automobile ever made.  Des should have kept the Honda.

Des took Brooks to a bridal salon.  They played dress up.  Des said she wanted to be "spontaneous" on their date by wearing the bridal apparel outside the store.  Does Des know what spontaneous means?  If she did, she would know that nothing on the Bachelorette happens organically?  Fleiss and Co. just would not stand for it.

Des and Brooks then got spontaneously sit on the famous Hollywood sign.  But in the end, Brooks got the first kiss.   How about that for spontaneity?  Now who looks like a cynic?

I have full rights to use this photo.  Courtesy of President Lincoln.

After another product placementy drive through LA at night, Brooks and Des had a romantic dinner.  Des asked how Brooks deals with commitment, seeing as his parents are divorced.  Brooks then confessed that he basically hates his dad.  Please let Brooks get a hometown date!  During his down time at the house, Brooks should take some guitar lessons:

I have no rights to this photo.

After dinner in the LA smog, Fleiss and Co. continued the tradition of having a vanilla band play a private concert.  This year, Andy Grammer did the honors.  Every single piece of information on his Wikipedia page was news to me.  Should I know who this guy is?

After this date, Brooks is looking like an early favorite, and has a rose to prove it.

Group Date: Dan, Juan Pablo, Zach K., Wayne Borat Will, Brian, Drew, James, Mikey, Zakkk, Nick, Michael, Brandon, and Ben (and maybe some other guys)

The group date, which supposedly includes shooting a rap video, is going to take place at...a winery!?  Now that I think about it, was California Love shot at a winery?  Maybe a post-apocalyptic winery.

Soulja Boy aka Sell Out Boy showed up to teach the guys.  Most of the guys were back up dancers.  Some had to rap with lyrics about previous infamous contestants on the Bachelor.  

Michael G. called himself the "whitest white boy there is."  Go Irish!  (Truth be told, his rap about Mesnick was actually pretty entertaining).  

Brandon, rapping pantsless, took himself much too seriously, and kept messing up his lyrics.  Don't worry Michael G., Brandon proved to be the whitest of the white boys.  

In the end, Soulja and the Boys were rather boring.  But, hey, maybe I'll buy a Soulja Boy album now...hold on...is this in-show advertising working!?

Later in the night, Zak with No C and No Shirt gave Des an antique journal with an inscription from some random father to his daughter.  Des loved it.  Good work Zak!  Buy a used book with an inscription meant for someone else and have the Bachelorette love it.  This guy is a professional.  

Father Ben pulled Des aside, drawing the ire of the other guys.  Assuming this guy becomes the villain as expected, he seems like he might be the nicest villain in show history: loves his son, asks permission to give her a kiss, and tucks in his polo shirt.  I prefer my villains with more skeletons in the closet.  

Brandon, stealing a page out of Hockey Hair Brooks's playbook, emotionally confessed to Des that his dad left when he was five and his mom was a drug addict.  Brandon was highly emotional, saying he did not expect to "fall in like" with her so soon.  For saying that, Brandon, you are my villain.  

Ben got the date rose.  All of the guys still see him as he villain.  

Solo Date: Bryden

Bryden also got to take a trip in the Busted Bentley.

The first road trip stop was on Matador Beach.  They had fish tacos.  That's what I'm talking about.
Next stop, Coconut Grove to visit an orange grove.
Next stop, Ojai to visit a spa.  (also the first Bachelor dramatic/romantic background music we've heard...this bodes well for Bryden)

During their evening dinner at the spa, Bryden admitted that he almost died in a car accident...and he had the red asphalt photos of himself to prove it.  If you qualify to be a contestant on this show, you're life has probably had a rough patch: absent fathers, drug addicted mothers, attending Notre Dame, or near-death car accident.

Predictably, Bryden got a date rose.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Michael G. confessed to Des that he has diabetes.  Add that on the "rough patch" list.  While telling his deepest secret, Father Ben "swooped" in and interrupted Michael G.  Cue villain music.  Like bunting in the 9th inning of a no-hit bid, taking time with the Bachelorette when you already have a rose will get you a bean ball in your next at-bat.

This is a picture of a baseball hitting this guy in the face.

A few of the guys unconvincingly confronted Father Ben.  I'm going to need to see some more offensive behavior from Ben before I dislike the guy.  He just seems like a bit of a dweeb.  

Joining Hockey Hair Brooks, Father Ben, and Bryden with roses were:

James the Undertaker

Casey

Dr. Who (Dan)

Juan Pablo (*Des asked if Juan Pablo "aceptas las rosas?" - - - we're entering Ali and Ro-Ber-To territory)

Brad

Chris

Brian

Zak with No C and No Shirt

Drew

Mikey

Big (Zack K)

Michael - Go Irish!

Brandon

Goodbye Wayne Borat Will (low five on the way out the door from me), Robert Sign Spinner, and Nick M.

Until next week, with hopefully less rapping.