The show opened with previews for the drama filled night but Munich was the real star of the episode.
We join Des on her first trip to Europe with three dates: A One-on-One, Group, and the dreaded Two-on-One. Chris Harrison flexes his bilingual muscles and welcomes the guys to Germany. Drew wanted everyone to know his appropriate and favorite song.
Chris gets the first One-on-One and is having a true bounceback season. I'm willing to call Chris the single most-improved player during one season in Bachelor/ette history. However, as Paul George (who did he lose to?) can tell you, no NBA most improved player award recipient has ever won an NBA title. Does that mean Chris is doomed?
Bryden's breaking down explaining that Des' kind words in the Jersey Shore were not enough: "A quick little bandaid over a deeper wound." Yikes, hyperbole. Bryden is always thinking about Des and assumes she'd like to know about his decision to go home as soon as possible - even during her date with Chris.
Rain causes some technical issues in the Dugan house but here are my thoughts:
- Chris rocked a sausage store
- They went to try on German clothes. This is a fairly regular event for Bachelor/ettes. Readers, do you often go on dates where you try on traditional dress of the region you are visiting? I have NEVER done this. Has anyone? Do Fleiss & Co. believe the viewer finds this interesting?
- Bryden interrupts with one of the worst scripted moments in Bachelor history. Going around walking trying to find television cameras while being followed by television cameras. I wanted every single German who he asked to point at the fucking camera five feet from him as he was asking where the TV camera was.
- Pretzels and giant beers look amazing.
Zugspitze Group Date
Juan Pablo, Big Jim, #, Shirtless Zak, Hockey Hair, and NYC
Mikey trek the Highest Peak in all of Germany. The date meant that Domer Mike and Ben would have the Two-On-One and caused Domer Mike to get his game face on declaring that he will have to murder Ben. At this point, I became distracted from the group date trying to determine the number of murders in Germany and just how much Domer Mike would stand out for such an act. Here's the group date highlights:
- An ancient, misogynist yodeler tries to teach the guys yodeling tricks.
- The guys sled down the hill as NYC Mikey explains "This is no bunny hill."
- Zak drops a gem of a quote: "Love is like sledding down this hill." He really said that.
- Shirtless Zak could have been Father Zak.
- James is a favorite and some of the guys are starting to notice.
- Brooks gets the rose.
The Date Card asks Ben and Miami's Domer Mike to Heat things up. Oh, come on. Domer Mike Heat. . Miami Heat. Boom.
Domer Mike is in full on gladiator mode entering as the underdog against villain Father Ben. Mike brings up murder, Armageddon, and details his goals: "Ready to
send this fucker home.”
The most reliable stats I could find shows that Germany had about 690 murders in a calendar year. Chicago had 506 last year. Mike, please don't murder anyone over Des. It’s depressing looking up the murder rate of US cities compared to Germany. Also, its frustrating that Domer Mike seems willing to sully the name of Domers, Floridians, Attorneys, etc for Des.
Some more quick-fire thoughts on the date:
- Polar Bear Plunge Psycheout! It's a Hot Tug where you are in a hot tub/boat contraption.
- Mike is pretty fired up and on the offensive. Never mind, he's just offensive.
- Mike calls out Father Ben's fathering, friendship and mass attendance skills.
- Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Drew and # are having a "Here for the Right Reasons" discussion. DRINK. It centers on bad boys NYC Mikey and James.
- Only a Domer would call out someone for missing mass. This is getting ridiculous.
- YET! It secures a rose. Father Ben is probably the only person that could have lost to Mike on this date. I've never seen a less likable performance secure the rose on the two-on-one.
- "That shocks me,” Mrs. Dugan.
Non-Cocktail Rose Ceremony
Chris H. wants Des to kiss and tell, but she doesn't take the bait. Chris, Hockey Hair (Congrats Blackhawks) and Domer Mike are safe with Roses.
Who is joining them?
- Shirtless Zak
- #
- Juan Pablo (Has he been on a date this season?)
- Drew...and
- Big Jim.
Posts
Dugan Dugan Dugan. It's been almost 24 hours and I'm still reeling from this episode. Other than the search for true love, I also watch shows like this to feel better about myself. Domer Mike has made me feel terrible about myself. Thankfully he's said very little about Notre Dame, but he did serious damage to the prosecutor profession on this episode. I'd like to set a few things straight: Unlike Domer Mike, I spend no time cross-examining anyone outside of work. If you lie to me, I will not murder you. It's shocking that Domer Mike stayed on the show. What a jerk.
ReplyDeleteChris is headed to the Top 3.
Dugan, I'd like to see you in lederhosen.
It's amazing how well Michael encapsulated being an attorney and a domer over the course of a delightful dinner - what a giant douche. Since this is the first time that an attorney has been somewhat prominently featured, I thought it would be a treat for my fellow attorneys to consider the following:
ReplyDeleteMichael exclaims that he wants to murder Ben during their two on one date with Des. He make no preparations to carry out his desire to kill Ben. A true romantic, Michael starts to cross-examine Ben during their date. However, Ben deftly avoids his inquisition. Michael, in a fit of rage, grabs the rose from the table and throws it at Ben, intending to maim him. Ben ducks and the rose hits an innocent, and finely dressed Chris Harrison. A thorn sticks in Chris’ aorta and he bleeds out immediately and dies. What is the highest level of homicide that Michael can be convicted of:
A) First degree murder
B) Second degree murder
C) Felony Murder
D) Involuntary Manslaughter
E) Voluntary Manslaughter
*No, I am not enjoying studying for the bar again.
Professor Michael, this is actually a very difficult question. Is it a bad sign that I am currently looking at jury instructions to come up with an appropriate answer?
ReplyDeleteMy first recommendation is that we DON'T start with a knock-knock joke to ease the tension.
On to the question. At first, I thought my best shot would be to get Domer Mike for felony murder. Under California law, there would be no felony murder here because throwing a rose would only be a misdemeanor, even if the intent is to maim. But our inquiry must continue. We are not in California anymore. We are in Munich. So we must check the Strafgesetzbuch; the German Penal Code. Much to Domer Mike's chagrin, the Strafgesetzbuch also recognizes felony murder. But, alas, German felony murder only applies in robbery, kidnapping, or sexual assault. Domer Mike, you will not be serving a lifelong sentence in a German prison for felony murder.
Manslaughter seems like the appropriate charge. Germany has a checkered history with manslaughter, having recently convicted self-professed cannibal Armin Meiwes of manslaughter in 2004. Domer Mike's actions can't be too much worse than a cannibal. Sidenote: I would be surprised, but not that shocked to find out that Domer Mike is actually a cannibal. He seems so crazy that it might be true. "Food" for thought.