Okay, enough about how you're jealous of my ice cream, whiskey, and grammar. Let's get on with the recap.
This week takes place in Barthelona. We continue to upgrade cities every week. Barcelona > Munich > Atlantic City > LA. It's simple alligator math.
Solo Date #1: Drew Who?
Des expressed how excited she was to get to know Drew Who because he's "a little reserved, but he's so romantic about being romantic." I'm starting to see what the problem is with the season: Des!
Drew Who and Des walked the cobbled streets of Barcelona looking for a place to get a drink. As Des took a big swig of wine (and Mrs. Wags asked for a taste of whiskey), Drew Who revealed, for the first time ever, that his dad is a recovering alcoholic with cancer. Des was "happy" to hear the story. Once again, strange word choice by Des. I've never been happy to hear that someone has lyme disease and also has a gambling addiction. It's interesting information, but I don't feel happy about it.
As the date continued, Des and Drew Who had a candlelight dinner in a courtyard that looked suspiciously like the Bachelor(ette) courtyard in LA.
Drew Who turned into Drew Suave by taking Des into the alleyway and making out...but then he ruined everything he worked for by tattling on James for wanting to be the next Bachelor. He became Drew Right Reasons. (Bachelor historical note: the snitch character has never won). Drew Who...prepare to fail.
Nevertheless, Drew Who gets a date rose (but I'll bet he's not in the final three).
Group Date: Hockey Hair Brooks, Chris, #, Domer Mike, James, and Juan Pablo Montoya
The date theme is futbol. Juan Pablo, the former professional soccer player, might have a slight advantage.
Domer Mike started the date wearing a headband. Terrible.
Des brought out her team, five professional female soccer players. The guys, 5 out of 6 not professional soccer players, were wildly overconfident (and a bit misogynistic). After falling behind 2-0, Des's team of pros went full-Wambach and dominated the men.
During the evening portion of the date, Chris made the wise choice not to discuss James's issues, but rather to focus on his poetry connection with Des. They are developing a little thing where they write each other poems. This guy is a lock for the final three.
Domer Mike and # decided to confront James. When # confronted James about his desire to be the next Bachelor, James issued a wholesale denial. Domer Mike (he's a prosecutor..don't lie to him) jumped in and did a rather weak cross-examination of James (#IMHO). James won the argument, not with logic, but with 'roid rage. Works every time...believe me...it's my style too.
Des decided not to give out the rose because of all the drama with James. When confronted by Des, James once again denied saying that he is in good position to become the next Bachelor. James then cried (and said he had a headache...poor baby James). Des, seemingly overwhelmed, could not make a decision about James. At this point, Fleiss and Co. stepped in (behind the scenes of course), and demanded James stay on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new villain less than one episode after Father Ben's exit.
James shocked the men by returning to the house. In what might go down as a top-10 Bachelor moment, James simply said, "Gentlemen....good night." Good day, sir. GOOD DAY, SIR.
Solo Date #2: Shirtless Zak
Shirtless Zak and Des went to an art studio and decided to draw each other. Zak made Des look like a zombie. This was Des's portrait of Zak:
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| The color: Carmelo |
Maybe we should call this guy Orange Zak. Whoa spray tan!
After a make-out session in a wine cave, Des gave Shirtless Zak a rose. Maybe it's his independent spirit. Maybe it's the fact that his parents have been married for "31, 32, or 33 years." Maybe it's his hue. Maybe it's his wild eyes. Whatever it is, Shirtless Zak is succeeding for all the right reasons.
Rose Ceremony
Before giving out roses, Des pulled James aside, stating that she just has to send him home. Before Des could send him home, James apologized and said he is falling for her. Des fell for it (Fleiss and Co...you are magic).
Sidenote: when James stood up after the conversation, the front of his lavender shirt was sweat stained. He appeared to walk straight to the house, but when he walked in...same shirt...no stains. See, I told you Fleiss and Co. are magic.
Back at the house, James stuck by his position that the "worst-case scenario is that he ends up as the Bachelor." The remaining guys were flabbergasted about how he could take that stance. James pointed out that he is more in touch with reality. Though I believe that this show is the search for true love, James kind of has a point.
Joining Drew Who and Shirtless Zak with roses were:
Chris
Hockey Hair Brooks
Domer Mike (oh come on..you have to be kidding me).
Goodbye Juan Pablo (we never got enough of this guy), #, and James (Domer Mike declares this...case closed).
Until next week in, Madeira! Huh....where? Oh...off the coast of Portugal, you say? HOORAY!
Posts
As the last rose was being given out, Mrs. Dugan and I had a disagreement. I predicted that Domer Mike would get a rose. Mrs. Dugan was incredulous. Then...Domer Mike picked up the rose. Commenter Irishtanker (a noted Domer Mike hater) even texted me:"I am not lying when I say it is the most shocked I have ever been watching a television program."
ReplyDeleteI just saw it. # had to go. Juan Pablo had to return to the Miami Venezuelan Music scene. And James performance on the soccer field was the worst thing I have seen in my life. It was genocide.
He could not be a bigger villain after that performance. Good riddance.