The Bachelorette Episode 8: Say Yes to the Des

It's Monday night!  You know what time it is.  It's time for whiskey and ice cream.  While I have the usual simple whiskey cocktail, I also am eating Mrs. Wags' homemade peach ice cream.  When I say ICE, you say CREAM.  ICE....CREAM.   ICE....CREAM.  I can almost hear you at home, I'm so excited.

Okay sugar.  Let's start the episode.  It's hometown date week.  We're back in the United States after a worldwide (i.e. Germany, Spain, Portugal) tour.

Dallas with Shirtless Zak

Shirtless Zak started his date with...a shirt.  How disappointing.  He has a reputation, and nickname, to live up to.  At least he looked as orange as usual.

Zak apparently dropped acid before his date.  He told Des about a dream where he and Des were on the beach.  They melted into the sand.  Then it started snowing.

Zak is the color of much of Dali's paint

The LSDream turned out to foreshadow Zak's family business: sno-cones.  Zak then put on a penguin costume to advertise the sno-cone truck.

I just re-read those last three paragraphs.  Am I on drugs?  Did Mrs. Wags spike my ice cream?  Is this real life?

The date continued with dinner at Zak's family's house (all wearing shirts...but who knows what the dessert course might hold?).  Zak's family was unexpectedly normal.  They sang a song together and all sounded like they could be on The Voice.   I guess they're just a very talented family.

Zak ended the date by giving Des a promise ring and saying he loved her.  Though Zak probably does not stand a chance of winning this thing, he made a strong push for next-Bachelor on this episode.

Scottsdale with Drew Who

Drew is taking Des to his Mom's house.  It will be the first time his Dad has ever been there.  Is this the proper venue for this kind of family reunion?

(Interesting sidenote: Mrs. Wags just asked me, "What's this guy's name?"  Yes, it's Drew Who?)

Drew took Des to meet his severely disabled sister.  This is intense.  I'm impressed with how well Des handled it, especially when his sister flipped Des's hair.  I thought a fight was about to break out.

At the family house, Drew's Dad asked if Des believes in angels.  "Yes," she quickly replied.  Well have you ever met one?  "Uh...I haven't."  You have met an angel now.  Drew's disabled sister.  Once again, well handled by Des.  That was not an easy line of questioning.

Drew's father's name is Malachi.  I can't decide if I think that's a really badass name or if I'm a little scared of it.

The date ended with Drew looking like he could win it all (even though I'm still not convinced that women are right for Drew).

Oregon with Chris

The third date was with Chris, the only remaining guy without a nickname.  If our past experiences on this blog are any indication, you have no chance of winning the Bachelor(ette) unless we've given you a nickname.

Chris took Des to a baseball field.  Des proved to be pretty decent, backing up her outdoorsy/athletic image that Fleiss and Co. have been pushing on us since day one.

Don't call her, maybe.  

But feel free to call her, Maeby.

At the dinner with Chris's family, Dr. Chris's Dad, a chiropractor, took Des to his home office and adjusted her back.  I loved that he had to put on his white doctor's coat and name tag to do some home procedures.  He's a consummate professional.

After treating Des, Chris stepped up to the plate (see what I did there?). Dr. Chris's Dad gave him a nose adjustment by shoving an air pump up his nose.  This date is turning into a terrible advertisement for chiropractors.

While Des conversed with Chris's weird Mom, Chris's siblings told him how much they disliked his ex-girlfriend.

The date ended poemless.  Chris does not seem like he's going to win it all.

Salt Lake City with Hockey Hair Brooks

Brooks started off the date by letting the audience know that he's "not sure how he feels about Des."

They started by taking out a row boat. Snooze.  There's nothing interesting about rowing.  Trust me on this one.

Brooks then took Des to meet his giant family.  All twenty of them wore name tags.  How very polite.

Brooks's brothers(?) then asked him a bunch of romantic, yet tough questions about whether he actually loves Des.  He did not actually answer any of the questions.  Brooks really seems to be struggling with this process.

Back in LA with Nate

Nasty Nate is Des's brother.  He's a royal jerk that got her kicked off the show last year.  If you just started watching the show this season, shame on you.  Read Dugan's take on Nate from last season.

Des revealed that she hasn't seen Nate since last season.  That sounds complicated.

The best part about Nate, other than his hand tattoos, is that he calls a spade a spade.  Or in this case, he calls a ridiculous reality show ridiculous.  Nate is too real for Fleiss and Co.

Rose Ceremony

Hockey Hair Brooks takes rose #1.  Chris (what!?) takes rose #2.  The final rose went to Drew Who.

Shirtless Zak is headed home.  I'm actually a little sad.  Not like I'm fully-crying sad, but more like tickle-in-the-back-of-my-throat sad.  I just don't want my last memory of Zak to be in a penguin outfit.  That's why I'll leave you with this:

Gone, and probably forgotten.

Until next week, when the men tell all.