Harrison begins the show letting
the guys know there will be three dates this week: 2 Group Thangs and a
One-on-One.
Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge with Group Date Dodgeball
I'm going to run down the aka Love is a Battlefield date (nice shout out to blog readers) guys
since we are all still learning to differentiate: 1) Chris the mortgage broker
who brings the pun, 2) Drew who I can’t figure out, 3) Prosecuting Domer Michael,
4) Velvet Blazer Brian from Baltimore, 5) Hockey Hair Brooks, 6) Brad, 7) NYC Mikey,
8) Brandon (who reminds everyone of Guard and Protect your Heart Kasey and I
will now combine Guard and Protect Your Heart and Brandon to form GHB), 9) Big, and
10) Father Ben.
Looking at this group, you had to
like NYC Mikey due to sheer size, GHB due to the crazy factor and BIG since
he’s a kid in an adult’s body.
They first team the guys up against dodgeball pros and Domer Mike is intimidated. Let that soak in. Domer Mike's a federal prosecutor in Miami. These dodgeball experts must have been RUTHLESS. After the target practice, guys are broken up into teams.
- Red team: NYC Mikey, Domer Mike, Hocker Hair, Chris, and GHB
- Blue team: Drew, Brian, Brad, Big, and Father Ben
After some nice back-and-forth action, we have an injury. We know hockey players are tough, but alas, Brooks has Hockey Hair but not a Hockey mentality.
We have our first EMT sighting of the year (shotgun) and I have some HIPAA concerns as Brooks answers medical questions with the cameras rolling.
After Party
- Drops kid news - has a 3 yr old son, Maddox.
- Drops a tired line - anyone but you and I wouldn't have come on the show…
- Raising kid by myself - admirable
- Ex has drinking problems - interesting turn here.
- Arrested for domestic violence, faught, and had charges dismissed
- This is NOT first conversation material.
- Mortgage Broker Chris found the helipad.
- Brooks is raises from the dead.
“Bizarre News about one of your Guys”
That's how Harrison breaks some interesting news for Des. A dishonest man! Shocked. Turns out that Brian is a velvet blazer wearing liar. Des
confronts. Past relationship was a “short time ago.” We'll find out how short soon. Brian's very recent ex Stephanie, a Des Doppelganger, shows up to confront Brian.
Velvet’s reaction to her arrival, “Oh Geez.” Is there a better reaction to being confronted by an ex? LOVE IT. Could be quote of the year material for me.
You know who else is shocked that a guy may not be telling the truth about his previous relationships on a dating reality show? Drew. Thanks for being you, Drew.
Velvet told his ex he had a “a business meeting” in California. Seems plausible. Turns out they slept together 2 days before
coming out to tape the show. Mrs. Dugan and I agreed that 2 days is not enough time to be taken seriously. 2 years, obviously ok. 2 months? 2 weeks? Somewhere in
between. What say you, faithful WWT readers? What is the acceptable length of time you can be intimate before entering the Bachelor mansion looking for love?
Velvet Brian was not "here for the right reasons.”
DRINK!
- Hashtag's here for the rights reasons (hereinafter "HFTRR"). DRINK.
- GHB cries about the men he’s fallen in love with who have left him. This is so weird.
- Shirtless Zak’s HFTRR. DRINK.
Hashtag and #TheWorstDateEver
Circue De Sunset Strip. (Insert
metaphors re support and relationships and heights #lame). Date is not going
well and Des doesn’t think it’s Hashtag’s fault #yesitis. The wind hates
hashtag #thatmeansGoddoesntlikeyou.
Gets a rose. #how?
Young Guns
Dryden, James, Lou Diamond Phillips, Juan Pablo, Shirtless Zak and Dr. Who bolster a infomercial for the Lone Ranger movie while trying to impress Des.
Here's the highlights:
- James is large and the guys felt bad for the horse.
- Montana Bryden and Texas Zak looked the most comfortable.
- Dr. Who lost his pants.
- Juan Pablo spoke Spanish the whole time. Cue spanish guitars. Thank you Fleiss & Co.
- James secured a rose.
Pool Party
- Villian Father Ben moves aggresively for some one-on-one time.
- Drew wants Des to know she can talk to him. Especially with updates on the guys. Be you, Drew.
- Mikey T, James and Domer Mike are gathering momentum as the Anti-Father Ben crowd.
- GHB is not stable. He brings up his single mom and the men coming in and out of his life. GHB offering promises he won't hurt her. Just say you'll guard and protect her heart. He's "falling in love." So awkward.
- GHB confident
- Domer Mike focused on Father Ben
- Velvet Blazer Brian already gone.
- Hashtag, Big Pun (Chris needs a nickname) and Big Jim are safe.
- Brayden
- Juan Pablo
- Shirtless Zak
- Hockey Hair
- Drew…come on, really?
- BIG
- Brad who?
- Domer Mike
- NYC Mikey
- Father Ben
Goodbye to Dr. Who and formerly
confidant GHB. Beware Drew and Brad…you don’t have nicknames and your kind is
dwindling. Dr. Who takes it well. GHB, predictably, does not. Tears. In love. Heart
smashed with a hammer. “I’m just…I’m just out of tears.”
Until next week’s Boardwalk
Empire/Jersey Shore mashup with Wags.
Posts
Of all the Young Guns, I definitely would have left Lou Diamond Phillips's face unadulterated. That's why we have such a great writing partnership.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the recap Dugan. You excel at pointing out some of the little details, such as the "oh geez" moment. On that note, I understand that Stephanie should be mad, but she seemed full-on CRAZY.
I've never broken a finger, but is it really that bad, Hockey Hair Brooks? I agree that he only gets the nickname for his hair, not his toughness. Also, I would have really liked it if he had revealed some very private medical info, such as "I huff paint" or "I have butt cheek implants." It would have been his little secret with the audience.
Love is a Battlefield. What is, our table name at Mike's Wedding, Alex? (I bet everything on that Daily Double....and won!)
The Bachelorette is often filled with metro dudes, but this year seems to have a couple guys that I just can't see with a woman. Brad Who, really? Drew, really?
I'm so scared of GHB. I think Fleiss and Co. must have been equally scared, because he is the type of guy that they usually keep around a few more weeks. He's not well.
I'm hopeful that this season is really starting to pick up.