The episode started with Andi looking in the mirror and noting that it "just dawned" on her that she is THE Bachelorette. What did she think was going on during the two months of Late Night Show interviews and promo photos? It didn't "dawn" on her then that she was the Bachelorette? C'mon Andi. You're making attorneys and DA's look bad.
Date #1: Dora (Eric)
A co-worker suggested that we give Eric the nickname Dora. It's respectful and it makes sense.
The date started off with Andi proving that she knows how to drive. It seems like the first date always includes a driving scene. While driving, Dora Eric shared that he had camped with a witch doctor and rode a motorcycle half way across Africa, but when they arrived at their date, this exchange happened:
"What is this place called?" - Dora
"It's called the beach." - Andi
Dora, please put a little of that world-traveler common sense to good use.
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| Belgium |
After a brief stay on the beach showing off a six pack that you can't get at BevMo, a helicopter picked them up on the beach and took them SNOWBOARDING a mere twenty minutes away. Dr. Dre and 2Pac knew what they were talking about in that California Love song.
They met up with professional snowboarder and basically just totally rad bro Louie Vito for some snowboard lessons. Normally I would think a professional explorer might be a little intimidated by an Olympic athlete, but then I noticed that Louie reminded me of someone:
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| Wee Man or Louie? |
I checked Wikipedia to see if I was on the right track.
| Personal information | |
|---|---|
| Born | March 20, 1988 Columbus, Ohio, U.S. |
| Residence | Sandy, Utah,[1] U.S. |
| Height | 5 feet 5 inches |
| Weight | 140 pounds |
| Website | http://www.louievito.com |
During the evening portion of the date, Dora told a story of how he was accused of being a spy in Syria, sent a text message to his parents saying he might die, and then survived to tell the tale. Okay Andi, your turn to tell a story about being a gang prosecutor. We're waiting. C'mon Andi. Tell ONE story! Just one.
At the end of the date, Dora got a rose and was nearly ready to "throw out the 'L' word." Let's just pump the brakes on that one.
Group Date: Coach Brian, Opera Man Bradley, Famous Amos Marquel, Craig Lush, Paul Mitchell Brett, Frat Bro 2 Patrick, Albino Rhino, Josh Griffey Jr., Ron Carew, Tasos Tacos, Marcus Gosling, Ty Webb Nick S., Fire Marshal Carl, and Dylan
The date started with the guys hooting and hollering when they saw Andi. Two guys have the nickname "Frat Bro," but we might have to rename all of them Frat Bro 1 through 19.
Fortunately, the date took them to their natural element, a very classy male exotic dance studio. I would bet the rest of my whiskey that the Albino Rhino has danced for money in real life.
Fire Marshal Carl was in the group of guys that had to dress up like firefighters. Fleiss and Co. really know how to script it. Poor Carl is going to have to face his real life firefighter co-workers back home. But don't lose faith Carl. Firefighters have a good history on this show.
Marcus Gosling had my favorite interaction of the night. "Should I just wear my own underwear?" "No," said the male stripper consultant, "you should wear the speedo." The Gos claimed to be nervous for his dance, but came out like a Miley Cyrus backup dancer.
The date started with the guys hooting and hollering when they saw Andi. Two guys have the nickname "Frat Bro," but we might have to rename all of them Frat Bro 1 through 19.
Fortunately, the date took them to their natural element, a very classy male exotic dance studio. I would bet the rest of my whiskey that the Albino Rhino has danced for money in real life.
Fire Marshal Carl was in the group of guys that had to dress up like firefighters. Fleiss and Co. really know how to script it. Poor Carl is going to have to face his real life firefighter co-workers back home. But don't lose faith Carl. Firefighters have a good history on this show.
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Chris B. Harrison, host extraordinaire, showed that he can not only expertly host ABC's search for true love, but can also deftly handle the duties associated with male strip club emcee.
At the end of the stripping, Andi said what we all we're thinking (and some of us were blogging about), "it seems some of them have done this before." Cue: Albino Rhino's intro music:
In the evening portion of the date, there were some highlights:
Andi noted that Coach Brian is really passionate about his job as a teacher, so he was understandably nervous about stripping.
Josh Griffey Jr, the former professional baseball player with GQ looks, said he lacks confidence. You're not fooling Andi with that act because she "knows her way around athletes."
Shortly after Opera Man Bradley's Italian solo, Craig Lush had his chance to impress. The first words out of Craig's mouth were "What's your worst thing about your parents?" (I went back and watched to get the exact grammar of the quote). He might be drunk.
After running around the house naked, Andi (or Fleiss and Co.?) sent Craig Lush to bed.
The date rose went to Marcus Gosling. He seems like he will be in the Top 3.
Solo Date #2: John Deere Chris
Before we start John Deere's date recap, could someone explain to me what happened with Coach Brian's progressively worsening black eye? I must not have been paying attention when his wound got mentioned.
For their horse race date, Andi dressed up in 40s glam style. Good thing John Deere wore his pink henley. Oh don't worry, Fleiss and Co. had John Deere covered. They must have had a Vineyard Vines stylist on standby.
John Deere's date was going well, until he got sweaty and confessed that he once proposed to a girl when he was younger. Andi said she didn't have a problem with it. We'll see about that.
John Deere got the rose. Roses for everyone!
Andi had one more surprise: a private concert from a band called This Wild Life. According to google (it's a search engine), they haven't even released an album yet.
Rose Ceremony
Craig Lush was apparently still on the show (I thought he had gotten kicked off). He sang a song and maybe saved his hide.
Frat Bro 1 Andrew made his first appearance of the night, noting that it's crazy that some people "are going to have to go home tonight." Bad news Brah, it's probably going to be you.
In addition to Dora, Gosling, and John Deere, roses went to:
Ron Carew
Dylan
JJ Dockers
Famous Amos
Frat Bro 1 Andrew (I take back what I said two sentences above)
Tasos Tacos
Josh Griffey Jr.
Albino Rhino (thanks Fleiss and Co.)
Nick B. Hans
Frat Bro 2 Patrick
Coach Brian
Paul Mitchell Brett
Opera Man Bradley (I think he could be a serial killer)
Goodbye Fire Marshal Carl (a Ft. Lauderdale favorite), Ty Webb Nick (a hairline favorite), and Craig Lush.
Until next week, with TWO full episodes over TWO full nights with Boyz TWO Men and TWO times the tears.
Posts
Thank you, Tim. I was busy last night watching the Heat choke out the Indiana Pacers on their way to their 4th straight finals.
ReplyDeleteAs a bachelor blogger, it's been difficult balancing love and basketball. I'll have to discuss with Omar Epps.
Ok, I watched last night. I honestly did not remember Craig Lush from the premiere. I looked at my blog to see what I called him and found it pretty funny that I named him "Champagne Craig" for his champage start out of the limo. Regardless, Champagne Lush Craig will be missed.
ReplyDeleteThe producers definitely threw us a bone keeping the Albino Rhino. He is that version of the girl during Bachelor seasons that the girls look at one another and say "Why is he keeping her???"
Why? To keep blogs like ours writing.
Having known quite a few firemen, they can be ruthless. Firemen make Miami Dolphins O-Line hazing seem tame by a mile. The best thing that could happen to Carl is getting off the show when he did. Well, the best thing would have been before the fireman strip tease...but you cant have everything.
I think the fact that Opera Man is a serial killer could have more serious implications later in the season. Do Dylan and Paul Mitchell Brett have the chance to overcome the lack of and worst nickname on the show?
How long will she keep Ron Carew and Famous Amos? Is the lawsuit re harassment still pending?
Tim, quick, watch Frozen (it won an Oscar) and get ready for the Hans switcharoo. It will be fantastic.