The Bachelorette(s) Episode 11: Finally Finale

We begin with Chris Harrison’s usual finale level exaggeration: “Unforgettable” “Shocking” “Controversial”. Well then, it’s go time. We have Hans v. Ugly Gosling going head-to-head for the final rose.

As we realize the finale is taking place back at the Bachelor home base of Los Angeles County, Mrs. Dugan and I start to wonder if the Bachelor/ette is having budget problems? We began the season at the mansion and traveled to San Antonio, New York, Dublin (for an extended stay), Utah and have now returned to Los Angeles. Further proof? I count only two helicopters on the season with Chris Quinn in New York and the Cupcake Dentist at the Cliffs of Mohr.

Kaitlyn’s family meets Hans.

Kaitlyn fills her family in on the two guys. Basically, she lets her family know three things: 1) Hans from Andi’s season is one of the final two, 2) She slept with Hans, and 3) Hans and the other guy, Ugly Gosling, hate each other.

Kaitlyn’s sister, Haley, questions whether Hans is “here for the right reasons.” Definitely did not get enough of that Bachelor/ette staple. Mom grabs Nick and lets him know she didn’t like him on Andi’s season. Mom points out that he was confident and borderline egotistical. Nick goes on to be confident and borderline cocky. But Nick cried and Mom swooned and the family gave their approval..

Ugly Gosling meets the Family

These shows and dates are fairly formulaic. Rarely does something new or interesting happen. That’s why special moments must be highlighted and enjoyed. And Ugly Gosling gave a fantastic anecdote that is 100% a lie. Let’s get this story straight.

Ugly Gosling lets us know his sisters originally told him about the show. He watches and likes Kaitlyn. And when she gets cut, he takes a picture of her on the tv. In an app, he draws a heart around her picture and sends to his “buddies” to let them know he’ll heal her broken heart.

This Picture according to ATFR

WHAT? This did not happen. No male would ever do this. What “buddies” did he send this to? I need way more information about this ridiculous anecdote.

Even though Mom threw the Hans sex in his face, Ugly Gosling still asked for the parents blessing which was received.

Last Dates

Hans and Kaitlyn meet at Marina del Rey and go yachting. Oops. Due to budget constraints, they take out a 40 foot catamaran. What happened to yachts!!! They head to their date time when Hans drops the QOTN: “I got you a gift and it’s in my bedroom.” Really? Is he 15? Let’s move on to Saddle Rock with Ugly Gosling.

Saddle Rock with Ugly Gosling. This sounds like a terrible DMB cover band. Kaitlyn is being awkward on the date and Ugly Gosling is getting annoyed. He did throw back the red wine. For dinner, Mrs. Dugan notes that UG is “wearing his nicest baseball tee.” Ugly Gosling gives Kaitlyn a Memory Jar. Ugly Goslng DID NOT MAKE THIS. If you believe he made the Memory Jar, please do not vote ever again.

Neil Lane

Budget cuts be damned. We need Neil! Ugly Gosling meets first and selects a ring. Hans laments the first missed opportunity with Neil. Andi cut him on the door step of Neil. However, tonight, Neil Lane is getting solid time and the WWT authors cannot be happier. 

Back at the Mansion for the Rose Ceremony

Mrs D. “Who’s in the Limo?”

Dugan: “Nick because he’s getting cut.”

Hans is first out. BOOM.

Hans is laying his heart on the line. And Kaitlyn has to stop him eventually. She does: “My heart is just with somebody else” It’s time for an impressive back peddle by Kaitlyn.

Hans will always have Neil Lane. And diamonds are forever. Mrs. Dugan points out Nick’s crying family in the crowd and I suddenly feel a microscopic tinge of guilt for laughing at people’s feelings.

Ugly Gosling calls Chris “Mr. Harrison” which is an appropriate level of respect.

UG proposes. Kaitlyn accepts. Congrats kids. I wish you all the Trista & Ryan luck in the world.