We have left the Bahamas and turn our sights to the
Orthopedic Capital of the World!!
That’s Warsaw, Indiana. Ben no longer lives in Indiana,
having chosen to settle in Denver along with every other millennial from
Indiana. Ben returns home with six girls and four dates. LB, JoJo Trump, and
Thing Emily get the individual dates while Mom Olivia, Hugs Becca, and Software
Caila are left to a group date.
Ben pulls up to the dock too fast in a pontoon boat and
Software Caila unwisely tries to stop the boat herself. Boats weigh thousands
of pounds and don’t have breaks. Do not attempt to stop a boat approaching you. Especially if you are a 105 lb software sales rep.
It’s early but Thing Emily drops my QOTN: “Warsaw is
absolutely gorgeous” WHAT? I have driven through Warsaw, Indiana. “Absolutely
gorgeous” did not come close to entering my head during those trips.
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| Absolutely Warsaw |
We get to visit Ben’s high school, church, movie theatre and
youth club. Ben is 26. This date is
still.....ok, but I don’t think you can get away with it much longer. The highlight
of the episode did come during their visit to a local boys n girls clubesque gym.
Ronnie “The Half Court King” makes a, you guessed it, half-court shot for Ben
to get a kiss. What a nickname! What a shot! I want to hang out with The Half
Court King.
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| Remind me to fire my agent, |
In addition to Ronnie, Indiana Pacers players Paul George and
George Hill showed up. Along with a thrilled Coach Vogel. When you get these
type of stops pulled out for your date (see JoJo’s upcoming date at Wrigley)…don’t
you know you are getting a hometown rose? LB has been a favorite since early in the season, but
hanging out in Indiana dive bars is only going to further ingratiate her with
your blog co-authors.
JoJo Trump Does
Chicago
 |
| Sweet Home Wrigley |
Did you know Ernie Banks was nicknamed “Mr. Cub”? Of course
you did. Did you also know he was nicknamed “Mr. Sunshine?” You did? LIAR.
JoJo is following a well-worn Bachelor/ette path. Scared to
open up for fear of getting hurt. Opening up in relationships can be difficult.
Opening up when you know your partner is simultaneously dating other people?
Yeah, that might make it even more difficult.
Ben explains how much this date means to him since he’s a
life-long Cubs fan. They enjoy dinner in the outfield and I predict this over
the top date has also secured the hometown date for JoJo Trump.
 |
| Young Ben Higgins |
Is JoJo the favorite to be the next Bachelorette? Are they
going to pick Hugs Becca?
Motorboating with Hugs
Becca, Software Caila and Mom Amanda
Ok, no motors were involved. It was actually only awkward
rowing and I confess I was reading about the Chinese Super League’s ambition affecting
the MLS through much of this boring date. Caila did inform the viewer that she
moved seventeen times before college. She's concerned about the lack of a hometown feel to her Hometown date. I like the confidence, Caila. Mrs. Dugan believes that Caila is this season’s
Catherine.
Mom Amanda gets the rose and Hugs Becca sees the writing on
the wall. She then asks a prescient question: “What more do I need to do?”
Ummmmmm. Well…..nope. Not going to say it.
Mom Amanda and Ben then shoot a McDonald’s commercial during
their date. Seriously. It’s annoying but it’s also everyone’s fault who owns a
DVR.
The McDonald’s commercial ends and they have a fair where
the mayor introduces Ben and Amanda. Ben and I have a healthy fear of fair
rides.
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| Warsaw Fair Employee of the Month |
Miss Thing Meets the Parents
Oh, you poor little Thing. She is a fish out of water here
in Indiana. I could count the mistakes made on this date but it’s been a while
since I took calculus.
- “Talking to people can kind of be a hard thing to do”
- She “never sees ducks in Vegas”
- “I’m really average at everything, but ready to be an above average mom and wife.”
- What is going on? Is she throwing this date? Have we followed JoJo’s Cubs date with a nod to the 1919 White Sox?
- She prefers to “sit around and watch movies all day”
- She “doesn’t like vegetables”
- Thing’s goal in life is to be an NFL cheerleader
- This date is a train wreck into a dumpster fire and Ben mercifully puts Thing Emily out of her misery.
Rose Ceremony
Mom Amanda is safe
LB
JoJo Trump
Software Caila
Hugs Becca’s virginity is safe! Until next week and
hometowns.
Posts
Wait, you've been to Warsaw!? How did I miss this?
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple things I wish we knew more about:
1) Ben's religion. Earlier in the season, he mentioned two "pillars of the community" that died in a plane crash. That sounds like some Evangelical language. This week, they breezed (broze?) past his mega-church. In starting a relationship, this is kind of an important topic. Maybe even more important than one's fear of helicopters.
2) Half court Ronnie. I could have gone for at least 10-15 episode minutes of Ronnie shooting half court shots. Presumably, he's really good. But does he make 40% from half court? 10%? Is he steph-curry-from-half-court good? Can he make layups? What's his free throw percentage? Is he afraid of helicopters?
Going on this show once is bad enough, but twice? Goodbye Hugs. We had enough the first time.