The Bachelor Episode 6: Even Later and Maybe Just as Short

Happy Monday faithful readers.  It looks like late posts are just going to be a thing this season.  Look on the bright side: you get to read our musings on the day of the Bachelor.  Today is not just President's Day, but also Bachelor Day.  From this day forward, all Mondays are holidays honoring ABC's American heroes.

Mrs. Wags chose Juan Pablo as her favorite Bachelor of all time.

This week's episode began with a continuation of last week's rose ceremony.  There is no way he's getting rid of Olivia.  Though she is crazy (and not in the "crazy-like-a-fox" sort of way), I think he'll keep her around because she is the prime example of the girl he cannot get in real life.  The best example of this phenomenon is previous Bachelor Ben Flajnik choosing Courtney the model.  

The other women spilled the beans on Olivia.  Olivia smartly played the victim with Ben; she claimed that the other women just don't want to get to know her.  Well played.  

Understandably angry at the other women, Olivia challenges them to "Come at me....bro."  Olivia must be a dumb frat guy reincarnated.  Or maybe she just watches the Jersey Shore.  

Rose Ceremony #1

At the first rose ceremony of the episode, Mom Amanda, Olivia, and Lauren Harbaugh already had roses.  Additional roses went to: 

Software Caila

LB

Trump JoJo

Hugs Becca

Hut Hut Leah

Thing

Goodbye Ft. Lady Jennifer.  It's never a good sign when your first words on the show are about your fear of going home.  

The show then traveled to the Bahamas.  Mrs. Wags and I are confused about the Bahamas.  Are there more than one Bahama?  Is it a collection of islands?  Did the Beach Boys actually take a trip there?  Many questions, not many answers.  

Solo Date #1: Software Caila

Before Caila got the date, the pressure started to get to Hut Hut Leah, having had no solo time with Higgins.  She feels that they just need to have some time together because they are perfect for one another.  They live "10 minutes apart."  Little does Hut Hut understand that this is actually a disadvantage.  Bachelors DON'T WANT A LOCAL GIRL.  (See Flajnik, Ben.)   Hut Hut believes the "universe brought them together."  If anything, two black holes colliding brought Hut Hut and Ben together.  (I would not have been able to make that joke if I had written this post on time.)  

Software Caila's date with Software Ben was deep sea fishing.  The Softwares filled the date with terrible conversation.  It is a good thing the show is not transcribed.  They could never make it in Dugan and my world.

On the evening portion of the date, Ben said he needs Caila to cry. Uh, what?  Caila said she cannot cry (emotionally empty), but she did tell Ben she is falling in love with him (emotionally advanced), but she's also worried that she might hurt him.  Somehow, this series of tacks seemed to work with Ben.  Caila describes herself as being "confusing," yet all she wants is "to be understood."  

Like I said, it's a good thing this was not transcribed.

Caila got a rose because she's "authentic."  I think "coy" was the word he was looking for.  

Group Date: LB, Hugs Becca, Mom Amanda, JoJo Trump, Lauren Harbaugh, and Hut Hut Leah

The group date started with a boat ride.  I guess that's what you do when your in one of the Bahamas (or the only Bahama?).  

Hugs Becca delivered my QOTN: "You know what's unpredictable?  Sharks."  

Alas, there were no sharks, but there was an uninhabited island with SWIMMING PIGS.  I now know where I want to go on vacation.  

Watch your step.  

Mrs. Wags noticed that Strauss's "The Blue Danube Waltz" was playing in the background.  She described this as "awesome."  I describe this as, "I married up." 

JoJo Trump, showing off her Kardashian side, noted that "there are pigs everywhere."

This was the least impressive quote of the night.  

There was never any explanation for why there were swimming pigs in the water or who takes care of them.  Who knew pigs could even swim?  This is more confusing than Caila and the total number of Bahamas.  

Ben and the ladies fed hot dogs to the pigs.  That's messed up.  

On the date, Hut Hut again felt angry about not having any time with Ben.  She decided the best way to get noticed was to throw one of the other contestants under the bus.  Presumably, Olivia would be the easy target.  But Hut Hut isn't interested in easy targets.  She wants the biggest pig in the sea, so she chose to go after LB, the favorite at this point. 

When confronted by LB hours later, Hut Hut said "she would never be the type of person to single someone out."  Does Hut Hut not remember that there are video cameras recording this show?!  You can't tell lies like this.  I'm excited for The Women Tell All now.  

Mom Amanda got the date rose.  

Later that night, Hut Hut went to Ben's hotel room to continue on with her LB lie.  Ben saw right through it (or maybe Fleiss and Co. tipped him off?) and sent Hut Hut home.  

Two-on-One Date: Olivia and Thing

Mrs. Wags described this as a date pitting 400 CCs vs. 500 CCs.  Two girls that got implants for their high school graduation.  Mrs. Wags is really on fire tonight.  

The date started with a poem on the date card: "Two women.  One rose.  One stays.  One goes."  This is also what Ben's tattoo says.  

Olivia is going off the deep end.  "We've been writing our beautiful love story the whole time."  I can't tell if she is doing a bad job trying out to be the next Bachelorette or is doing a bad job wooing Ben.  Either way, she's doing a bad job.

Olivia, the quote machine, then said, "Deep intellectual things are my jam."  This was a close second-place finisher for QOTN.

The date was a boat ride (of course) to another island.  I'm starting to think "Bahamas" is intentionally pluralized.  

There was a torrential storm brewing as the three of them sat on the beach.  Each lady took turns giving speeches to Ben.  Maybe Hillary would do well on the Bachelor.

In the rainstorm, Ben seemed rather concerned about his hair.  For a few weeks now, I have been noticing Ben's purposefully and carefully combed forward hair, like he has something to hide.  I think there's a good chance that Ben is a bald denier.  He has the beginning of some power alleys in the front.  

Olivia couldn't hold back her crazy, and Ben sent her home, cold and wet.  Thing got the rose, but she was clearly more excited about sending Olivia packing.  

Rose Ceremony #2

Hugs Becca again dropped a great line, "It's almost like the weather has predicted this whole week."  

JoJo Trump needed to talk to Ben about something, but Ben cancelled the cocktail party.  She's either divorced, has a boyfriend, or has a kid.  My money is on divorce.  

Joining Mom Amanda, Software Caila, and Thing with roses were:

Hugs Becca

Trump

LB

Goodbye Lauren Harbaugh.  You were very nice, but exactly the kind of girl Ben can get back home in Warsaw.  

Until next week (i.e. tonight) when Dugan chronicles all the women professing their love.