My pick for the next pro sport Bachelor younger sibling:
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| Better family than the Rodgerses |
The episode started off back at the bachelor house. Chad the TURD started it off with a toast:
"To a beautiful girl. A wonderful life. F You all I'm going to make her my wife."
Group Date: Cool Hand Luke, Firefighter Grant, Jersey Will, ED Evan, Damn Daniel, Vinny Barbarino, Aladdin Ali, Jim-Gym, All 4 Wells, and Robby.
Before JoJo arrived, Fleiss and Co. lit a limo on fire with some dynamite outside the mansion. The men ran outside, and no one made a move to even find a hose. The woman that might possibly be their future wife may have been burning, and no one did anything. ED Evan remarked, "It's hot." Firefighter Grant fought no fires. Thankfully, the show will go on because it was just a stunt. JoJo arrived on a fire truck and put out the fire.
The first stop on the date was to the Fire Academy. Poor Firefighter Grant. This would be similar to Mrs. Dugan or Mrs. Wags taking us on a romantic trip back to the law library.
Poor Radio DJ All 4Wells was not ready to take the physical challenge. When Dugan and I had a radio show together in college (truth), we would have also needed oxygen if we had to compete in firefighter drills.
Back at the house, most of the men were singing songs about JoJo led by Sweet Baby James. Mrs. Wags makes another great observation: "These guys are like a college acapella group." Spot on. TURD did not participate in the singing because he was busy eating a steak. No joke.
Thankfully (for his career, pride, and dignity) Firefighter Grant won the challenge. Good for him. (Firefighter Grant is my sneaky pick for the next Bachelor.)
In the evening portion, JoJo started to like All 4 Wells, but I fell in LOVE with him. A Radio DJ with a sense of humor and a bloodhound named "Carl?" He's my favorite.
Cool Hand Luke, in his first interaction with JoJo, explained that his last relationship was in 2013. He is also ready to be vulnerable and open up. This guy studied his Bachelor-required vocabulary before going on the show. Well done, Cool Hand.
All 4 Wells got the date rose.
Solo Date: Harry Potter Derek
While Derek said he looked like Harry Potter, I think he might actually look more like a cross between Jim Halpert from the office and Aaron Rodgers.
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| Always playing pranks on Dwight Shrute |
The date started on a plane ride to San Francisco. ABC's Bachelorette budget is officially back! Neil Lane's diamond will be at least 9 carats this year.
They had to make choices about what to do on their date. Visit Mr. and Mrs. Wags or go to the Golden Gate Bridge? We lost.
Back at the house, TURD and Damn Daniel had a bro-chat about how girls need to watch out for the "nice guys." They also discussed what type of protein shake all the others guys would be. They seem like really cool guys.
During the evening portion of the date, JoJo asked about Potter's last relationship. He got a little choked up and said he has had a hard time "opening up" since then. Is this a real thing? Do 28 year old guys talk like this? (Since Mrs. Wags and I have been together since 7th grade, it's pretty impressive that I have become an expert in analyzing a dating show.)
Potter got the rose.
Group Date #2: QB4 Jordan, Brother Daddy Christian, Saint Nick, Sweet Baby James Taylor, Marine Devito Alex, and Chad TURD.
The group date went to ESPN. They were excited to see "the ESPN famous logo."
JoJo, on the ESPN set, called Steph Curry a "pretty decent player." I now consider JoJo "a pretty mediocre bachelorette."
The guys were ranked by Marcellus Wiley (surprising Bachelor fan) and Max Kellerman after a series of challenges. During one of the challenges, TURD called JoJo "naggy." The other guys called out TURD. TURD responded with raw, aggressive honesty, stating that she is not the first attractive girl he's ever seen and he does not know anything about her yet. JoJo seemed to forget about the naggy comment and likes the TURD.
Wiley deliver the QOTN: "You date Jordan, you have Aaron Rodgers coming over for Thanksgiving. That's some good turkey."
The rankings went Marine Devito in third, TURD ("he's so honest") in second, and Sweet Baby in first.
In the evening segment, Sweet Baby said that a "smile is the only way to show on the outside what's on the inside." It was so sweet that I almost believed it. Body odor shows what's on the inside. How about bad breath? After I eat garlic fries, you definitely know what's on the inside.
TURD seems to think that he knows what she wants: "a real man that tells it like it is."
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| What TURD thinks JoJo wants. |
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| What TURD thinks the other guys are like |
Thankfully, Sweet Baby got the rose.
Rose Ceremony
Before the rose ceremony, TURD had a few words and a kiss with JoJo. The guys decided to confront TURD about his pre-rose ceremony convo with JoJo. Marine Devito led the confrontation. TURD laughed it off. Marine Devito then delivered the WQOTN (Wags Quote of the Night): "This is now a house divided. Winter is coming." A Game of Thrones reference on the Bachelorette?! My two favorite franchises combined.
TURD told JoJo that he is "figureoutable." Like Shakespeare created new words, so has TURD.
The guys once again confronted TURD, but he just walked away. He described the confrontation like being surrounded by the Care Bears. While he seems like a major jerk, he does make some pretty good points. Why even engage with a guy like him? The Care Bear Stare gets you nowhere.
Marine Devito and TURD are reaching a boiling point.
Joining All 4 Wells, Harry Potter Derek, and Sweet Baby James with roses was:
Marine Devito
Brother Daddy Christian
Bow Tie Robby
Cool Hand Luke
Chase
QB4 Jordan
Firefighter Grant
Aladdin Ali, Fabulous He, Ali Ababwa
Jim-Gym
Saint Nick
Vinny Barbarino
ED Evan (No way!)
TURD
Goodbye Superfan, Jersey Will, and Hipster.
Until next week, with TWO episodes, and twice the TURDs.
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The firefighting challenge was gripping and painful to watch. But Harry Potter proved to be a real snooze ... when I came to it was all about TURD and steak and it was just weird. Hopefully that guy is on his way out quickly. And, preferably with a police escort.
ReplyDeleteThat comment is from Mrs. Wags .... having some technical difficulties and unable to sign out as "Tim".
ReplyDeleteWhile not certain, I'm assuming both comments so far are from Mrs. Wags. TURD was the obvious choice to highlight for this episode. They producers have their antogonist and they will ride him into the ground, even if that involves a few of the other guys losing some teeth. I really like the tension between Marine DeVito, aka Mighty Mouse, and TURD.
ReplyDeleteHarry Potter is pretty boring, have to agree with Liz. Seems like JoJo needs someone with a little more spunk.
While the original scenes between Superfan and Chris were awesome, he and Hipster and Jersey Will sadly won't be missed. Lame nicknames spell doom on this show.