The Bachelorette Episode 4: Captain Underpants, Lumberjacks and a Jean Blanc Noir farewell

Sorry to disappoint those looking forward to a whiskey and ice cream aided recap, but Dugan is going to pick up episode 4 where 3 left off.

Week 3's rose ceremony highlights

• Becca and Like Blake are having a discussion regarding how many kids they would like to have. While I generally agree this is a good conversation for couples to discuss, I recommend having one or two before claiming you want five or more kids. 

Nope.

• Ken Doll Jordan ("KDJ") is convinced God made Chicken David fall and bust his face for daring to challenge KDJ. KDJ has mental problems.
• Chicken David unveils his new look.

"Really, it's fine" - Becca. Maybe.

• On a night short on memorable quotes, KDJ received a pair of golden underwear and delivered this gem: “All I know is that I’m Captain Underpants and that’s all I got. That’s all I got.”
• Chicken David has the injury sympathy rose along with QB5 Colton and Stitches Chris.
• Who will be joining them?

Senior Banker Jason
Wills
Slick Nick wearing an unexplained track suit.
Globetrotter Christon
Super Eagle Lincoln
Like Blake
Favorite Garrett
Lio the Lion
Venmo John
Coach Connor
KDJ
Jean Blanc Noir

Goodbye to Domer Mike and Banjo Ryan who achieved optimal Bachelor/ette contestant status. They got to survive the ignominy of a first night cut but failed to stay on the show long enough to make really poor alcohol fueled decisions.

Park City One-on-One with Favorite Garrett

Sitting with Mrs. Dugan, I wonder where the drama is going to come from this season because it looks like Favorite Garrett already has this in the bag. Then, Mrs. Dugan informed me of some chinks in the Favorite Garrett armor (see link). What date do you bring up your extreme political views? Speaking of unqualified men, Super Eagle Lincoln is back at the house sharing his flat earth conspiracies. It gets worse. Super Eagle Lincoln recently plead guilty to assault and battery and may have to register as a sex offender. How dare you besmirch the good Nigerian name. You are no Super Eagle! Is there any background check done on these guys?

While Becca is clearly smitten, she found her own concern when discussing past relationships with Garrett. He was married and divorced within two months. This was difficult for Garrett because "no one in my entire bloodline had ever been divorced before.”

Bloodline? Who speaks like that?

Run, Becca, Run!

Lucky 13 and the Lumberjack Date

Everyone not named Garrett and Wills joins Becca in the Utah wilderness including KDJ, Lio the Lion, Coach Connor, Globetrotting Christon, Like Jason, Chicken David, QB5, Jean Blanc Noir, Venmo John and others…

There's a reason Venmo John gets listed last in a Lumberjack competition. Au contraire, friends, Venmo John kicked ass and earned the Golden Axe. Jean Blanc Noir, Stitches Chris and formerly Super Eagle Lincoln failed to show their lumberjack largess.

By the way, axe throwing is a thing now? Dugan will be reserving space soon.

Lumberjack After Party Highlights

• Senior Banker Jason and Becca enjoy kissing one another. Good for those kids.
• QB5 Colton likes dating famous people. 
• KDJ rocks the golden underwear and pisses off the guys. 
• But the night belonged to Jean Blanc Noir

Jean Blanc Noir and the Fragile Male Ego

Jean Blanc realized he was falling behind the other guys.  Jean went to the Jean Blanc Nori well and provided a gift of perfume to Becca. Then he forced a kiss which resulted in this awesome reaction from Becca: “Jean is a lot.” Yes he is. Jean didn't feel the reciprocal love from Becca and went at her again. Becca was not feeling it and shut him down. Jean Blanc spit game. Becca shut him down. It happens. It could have been left at that. But the fragile male ego must be propped up. Jean Blanc retracted his feelings out of a mix of shame/embarrassment/hurt feelings.

Thank you, Becca.

Wills and the Jean Blanc Aftermath Date

Becca is reading too much into Jean Blanc's over-sensitivity and Wills has to navigate this carefully. Luckily, Fleiss & Co. didn't force Wills to get injured to receive a sympathy rose. No, they allowed him to talk about emotional vulnerability to secure the empathy rose. Will's ex wanted a Hall Pass that wasn't given so took it anyway.

Wills categorizes this as a Documentary

One Episode. Two Rose Ceremonies. I feel so lucky.

Joining Fav Garrett and Wills in Vegas will be...

Lio the Lion
QB5 Colton
Like Blake
Senior Banker Jason
Coach Connor
Lincoln
Venmo John
Stitches Chris
Chicken David
Ken Doll Jordan

Goodbye Globetrotting Christon and Slick Nick.