The first group date belonged to Tenley. Tenley's date was a trip around the city. We quickly got more confirmation that there are certain elements of the Bachelor that are fake (gasp!). Tenley and Jake rode on a private cable car...on wheels. Then they waltzed through Chinatown...with no people in it. They must have been there at the crack of dawn.
The camera cut away at one point of the date to see what the girls were doing back at the hotel. Ali and Vienna almost came to blows, with Ali telling Vienna that she "sucks at life." That saying holds a special place in my heart. The producers must have also enjoyed this catfight bubbling over into direct conflict.
Vienna and Gia had my favorite date of the show at a winery in Napa that has a castle theme. According to Wikipedia, the winery opened in 2007 and has a real torture chamber. According to Sir Jake, the castle is "12th century Tuscan." On this date, Vienna once again hogged all the attention. I feel like we're getting to know Jake a little better and it appears that he is just about done with her childish behavior. He proved this later on the date when he kicked her out of bed. Ouch. Vienna is clearly only hanging on by a producer's thread. Gia came out looking like the star of this date. She told Sir Jake about how unchivalrous it is to put all the girls' legs on his lap because she thought that was "their thing." Gia plays it cool as the date goes on and is a lock to move on to the next round.
Corrie got the next date. She got to go to the "Science Center" aka the California Academy of Sciences. We found out that Corrie is a virgin. Surprisingly for Sir Jake of the Tuscan Roundtable, he doesn't appear to like this news. On their boat trip in Golden Gate Park, Jake can't even bring himself to kiss Corrie because he needs to go "80%" of the way and the girl needs to go the other 20. The producers ask Corrie for her kiss-ratio breakdown and she says the guy must go 90% of the way. Ouch. Looks like Jake and Corrie hit that unfortunate 10% gray area. (I'd like to apologize to all fans of the blog for taking this timeout to do some kiss-calculus, but I have to prove to my parents that those AP classes were worth it).
Ali, the final one-on-one date, got to take Jake around SF and plan the date. Ali must live down the street from Liz and me because all of the date occurred right down the street from us. Flower shop on Union: been there. Ottimista for breakfast: check. Marina Green to walk on the beach: holler. Ali took the high road on this date and didn't talk trash about Vienna. This will definitely help Ali in her quest to be the next Bachelorette. My favorite moment of the date was when Ali ruined an expensive pair of boots by running into the ocean with Jake in an effort at false spontaneity. Leave the 50 degree ocean diving to the Golden Retrievers chasing tennis balls.
The rose ceremony was overly predictable. Not only did I pick the four who would be chosen, but I correctly chose the order the roses would be given out. The most unpredictable part of the rose ceremony was Vienna's hair. I figure the only thing she could have told the stylist was to give her something that looks like Donald Trump. Ouch.
Virgin Corrie went home, but was lucky enough to get the back-of-the-limo interview. Until next week, when we get to see what the hometowns are like and which fathers carry guns (Vienna's).
Posts
You made a pretty ho-hum episode sound better than it was, Wags. You hit the highlights. Ali running into the water was great for two reasons - ruining the boots and the temperature of the water.
ReplyDeleteI also think Vienna is mentally challenged. I am embarrassed she is from my home state and do not look forward to seeing her family next week, only because of how it will reflect on Floridians, in general. When the trunk of clothes came for the Castle/Queens date, Vienna gushed how sweet Jake was for thinking of her and sending her clothes. Vienna is straddling the line of funny to laugh at/uncomfortable to laugh at. It was painful to watch the rejection in Jake's bed.
Wags has picked it. It's a producers decision to keep her. What could he possibly see in Vienna?
Moving on, Gia excelled on the 2 on 1. Ali is the only one left that has the personality to be Bachelorette. They are making Katie Morgan look like the front-runner so we know she won't win.
Mrs. Dugan had a few observations. When they are on dates, the two are faced away from the scenery and towards the cameras. So the viewer gets this amazing view of San Fran, an aquarium, a beautiful vineyard whereas Jake and Girl X face a TV studio and pretend to be romantic. Also, Mrs. Dugan wants to know where Wags is lining up Valentines dates for Liz...Coit Tower? the Science Center? a Trolley car? Our vote is the Tonga Room.
Corrie was growing on me, so its sorry to see her go back to making clothes for disney characters. Gia needs to come out of her shell.
Prediction: Ali will be leaving the show next week when Vienna gets a rose.
POST PART 1:
ReplyDeleteI think Ali was telling Corrie that she "sucks at life" for what was a pretty humorous joke that the editors mucked up with a Jake-esque awkward silence. Its funny that they destroy actual humor and drama and spend so much effort trying to fake it... If Ed, Reid, Kipton or Michael had been the bachelor the top 4 would end up 1) Ali 2) Corrie 3) Katie Morgan 4) Gia. Gia would go home because she has nothing to say. Katie Morgan would have played the roll of Tent Hook-up Girl previously played by Molly. And it would have come down to personality fit between Ali and Corrie. Kipton and Ried would have ended up with the more feisty Ali, both of those guys would have just let the girls duke it out while they make out with everyone and Ali wins in a heads up battle royal over the passive aggressive Corrie. Michael and Ed would go with Corrie because Michael had a crush on a girl at Syracuse that looked just like her...err... what? and Ed has E.D. and wouldn't mind waiting 'till marriage.
Regarding Dugan's comment that wags makes this episode more interesting than it actually was... I think this is the essence of the show and maybe its only redeeming quality. This blog and the moments we discuss are what make the show. The show's parts are great than the whole (A bizzaro version of Aristotle's existential quote) The little interactions and our take on them make the show and are bigger than the season and even the franchise. Bravo to us for bringing these boring people to life. The funny this is, the worse the individual episode is, the more we have to say.
POST PART 2
ReplyDeleteHere are my favorite moments from this difficult episode:
Supposedly, the "road trip" is over but this episode felt like trucking along the 5 through Bakersfield with a broken car radio in a 1975 toyota land cruiser that only goes 45 mph. It was slow and boring. And the less girls there are the more jake there is... shoot me now.
My favorite part of the show, and the season was the Corrie date. Corrie always brings out the awkward in Jake like no one else. From the moment she got out of the limo she's made all of Jake's action more uncomfortable. Jake makes another staple bachelor moment so awkward (the run up jump and hug) they had to film him running up to Corrie from Daily City. You get a close up this later in the episode with him and Ali on the beach. It's obvious he never played football because he always leads with his head... put him in a pop warner game with 14 year olds and Jake is wearing a halo for 12 weeks. Then it was on to the the pinnacle of the awkwardness: the Boat Ride. As wags described, they are in the 10% grey area of kissing travel-distance. If Jake had ever taken negations 101 he could have "set the table to win." Jake's mistakes are endless, but in this instance he never asked the appropriate questions to find out her kiss ratio (an interesting question that I will add to my "conversation lull go-tos"). He should have at least inquired as to why she thought they hadn't kissed yet and this would have come up. Had he just known that each of them only had 5% more to go they could have played some Black Eye Peas and "met half way" Or maybe even some Diamond Rio and met in the middle 'neith the old Georgia pine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWKpCmPdGmM
Had he any clue at all (I know, it's a stretch) that her number was 90/10, he could have positioned himself at 50/50 (fair and logical) and then in the name of chivalry proposed a concession of 25% and offered up 25/75... which I believe she would have gone for and not even had to put in as much effort as he did and come away with a nice lake kiss... INSTEAD, Jake gets no information... goes 80% of the way across the boat and stops... HILARIOUSLY AWKWARD! "sooo, lets get dinner 5" away from my face..." HA! I was happy at this point.. no kiss for corrie, she's was def. going home at this point and would have been girl #3 to take herself out of the competition (not kissing him there was pretty much an "I want out" move). Instead she tells Jake that she's waiting for marriage, I felt that Jake liked this and it took some pressure of off him and they seem to end the date on a good note with kiss (barf) and I was fully expecting her get a rose after Ali. She ends up roseless and led to my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE QUOTE BY JAKE: "I was disappointed because I didn't feel that Corrie would fully open up..." Simply outstanding Jake... great choice of words! I'm personally perplexed that the v-card play wasn't worth a single rose. Jake wished he could have 5 roses. Well Jake, remember that bon-fire where you torched a couple roses, yea, you're an idiot.
It looks like Jake doesn't ever like to be told to wait. Every girl that has tried to lay some ground rules down has gotten axed immediately. Yet he doesn't have any interest in hooking up. Who is this guy?? I would love to get Wag's insight on how he saw this coming. I'm not saying I'm bummed but I mean once Gia and Katie Morgan got roses, yea, that was it, but come on... Jake is terrified of having relations. Vienna can not win for one reason, Jake can't pick her up and do the Bachelor twirl... he did it when Gia showed up at the Castle and Vienna got a bro half-hug.
Oh and Tim, Nothing on the Erhu playing in china town??