But don't despair loyal Reader. Our fear of public humiliation will not deter us from blogging this 14th season of The Bachelor (and that's not including the additional 6 seasons of The Bachelorette). As far as I'm concerned, Emmy-award-worthy shows be damned.
With our summary, I begin:
Chris opened by telling us this is "already one of the most shocking seasons in Bachelor history." How? Because it started with Brad on the beach? Because the opening music is emotional and romantic? I'm not seeing it yet Chris. I wasn't particularly shocked by any of it.
The show began with informing us how broken Brad is. After he chose neither Jenni nor Deanna, poor Brad had to go to therapy because of the bloggers! WE DID IT! SI SE PUEDE! Liz wanted to know why Brad's twin brother Chad wasn't there for him? I figured that Chad must find Brad's whining as annoying as everyone else.
We were then introduced to 9 of the ladies. These are obviously the 9 favorites. I know how you operate Harrison! You can't fool me! This isn't my first rodeo.
1) Ashley H. - dentist, talks to Ben Franklin statues, dances like Tom Cruise in her socks, guarantees "healthy gums"
2) Shawntel N. - funeral director
3) Ashley S. - dead father issues, making me sad just watching her story
4) Chantal O. - another girl with an initial last name, divorcee, better at selling cars than dating
5) Michelle - mother, "not here to make friends"
6) Raichel the Manscaper - men get Brazilian waxes?
7) Megan - loves shopping
8) Madison - wears fangs, probably is on Team Edward
9) Emily - southern belle, husband was Ricky Bobby who died in car crash, daughter named after Ricky Bobby.
Before beginning Brad's 2nd search for love, Jenni and Deanna came back to give him a piece of their mind and get their overdue apology. This little charade just reminded me how much I dislike Deanna. I think they already made a movie about this (Deanna should check it out):
All of the ladies came out of the limo. Brad got slapped by one of them. Most of them said Brad has "a lot of 'splaining to do." I'm not so sure why Brad needed to be endlessly guilt-tripped right away. I don't think Chad would approve of anyone being so mean to his twin. When ladies are mean to Brad, Chad can feel his pain from hundreds of miles away (it's an identical twin thing).
Cocktail Party
Brad started off the cocktail party with a speech/apology for being a two-time Bachelor. He also gave any of the women the opportunity to leave. Predictably, none of the women decided to pack up and leave. One of them should have done it so Chris Harrison could have announced the most dramatic moment in Bachelor history.
Brad continued the cocktail party with his many apologies. Chris Harrison could have saved him a bunch of time by just playing this song on repeat the whole time...
The cocktail party continued with the ladies jockeying for the first impression rose. Brad was constantly "stolen" from every conversation he was in. I have a theory that Brad is contractually required to go with whomever "steals" him. Liz thinks Brad wants to be stolen away so he can get out of dumb conversations.
Brad gave the first impression rose Ashley/Tenley. Michelle Menunos was very angry about Brad's choice because "she's a woman, not a little girl." I like where this bitterness could lead as the season goes on.
Rose Ceremony
At the Rose Ceremony, Brad gave the producers what they wanted, a rose for Madison Twighlight, the girl with fangs. She's going to drive all of the other women crazy because she's clearly not there for the right reasons.
The ceremony ended with all 9 Favorites getting roses. As the ceremony was ending, Liz and I noticed that there are no minorities and no ages listed by their names.
At the end, Chris Harrison proclaimed that this will be the most "controversial" season of The Bachelor. Consider my interest piqued.
Posts
1) Brad walks like a marionette
ReplyDelete2) Is Brad going to have 36 hour stubble-beard the whole show?
3) If so, how do you get that?
4) Who is going to have bigger daddy issues Ashley S or Brad?
5) "I'm bendy" Best. Phrase. Ever.
Tim,
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the lead. I feel your pain when discussing the Bachelor in public. As I was sitting at the Orange Bowl last night, my phone was getting blitzed with text messages from friends and fans of the blog about the premiere. After my fellow football fans were finished making fun of my blogging, two of them asked for the blog's website to send to "friends." This show has a huge following - people need to stop pretending it doesnt.
Much like our blog.
I guarantee Brad has a 36 hour stubble beard the whole show. In college, South Carolinian Erik A. had 36 hour stubble for 4 straight years, so I am convinced Brad can keep it up for the 6 weeks of taping.
I cannot wait to get home and watch with Mrs. Dugan and the Monster.
Dugan, your goal as the father of the monster is to make sure she never says "i'm bendy" at any point in her life. Or maybe just to keep her off a nationally televised dating show.
ReplyDeleteStubble beards seem really easy to keep for hairy guys. Brad might have a hard time with it if the Manscaper gets near him. She already did a number on his wrist hair. Bye bye wrist stubble.
Wags,
ReplyDeleteI respectfully disagree - the Govins' goal should be to prepare the Monster to be the 27th Bachelorette. Just think of the publicity the blog would get then. Plus, her hometown dates could be TANK tailgates.
Very glad the season is here! Just a couple thoughts:
ReplyDelete- I love that Brad's therapist was there to give his two cents. Dad? Chad? nope therapist. Will he be included in the hometown dates? Will they have a couples therapy session when it gets to the final two?
- If they are no longer going to have any minorities on the show, can they at least have girls with different names? first four girls, bascially two names. ridiculous.
- Nanny Ashley, who also has a sad story, is my pick to win. Emily, Jackie will go far and Michelle will be one everyone hates.
- I wish the ages were still posted so we could see 24 year olds saying they will NEVER find someone. I already miss that.
Here's to a great season and more fun with Paint. love the movie poster Wags!