The Bachelorette Finale Part 2 of 2: Say Yes to the Des

Well it's my last chance for my favorite Monday night parings.  On tonight's menu: Three Twins strawberry ice cream, new scotch I just bought for tonight's finale, and a healthy dose of anxiety and sadness on the way.  Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts.  There are only four possible outcomes tonight, listed from least likely to most likely:

1) She picks Drew Who?
2) She picks Chris
3) Brooks re-enters the finale or After the Final Rose to win her heart (a la Mesnick/Molly . . . a "MesMol")
4) She chooses no one:

After what transpired last week, the only correct choice is #4, but I'm cheering for the awkwardness of #s 1-3.

I have said enough.  Let's start the show.

The show began with sad music, indicating that Des likely still has a broken heart.  Fortunately, Chris Harrison is there to comfort her (i.e. watch her cry).  Mrs. Wags is very concerned that Chris Harrison could be having a difficult time with all of this in light of his recent divorce.  I'm more interested in how Chris Harrison figured out a way for everyone to use his full name at all times.  He's like the opposite of a Brazilian athlete.

There is also another man we should be concerned about: Neil Lane.  In case you have never shopped for an engagement ring before, Neil Lane is the only acceptable person to shop with.  Brooks's departure has put Neil's inevitable appearance in jeopardy.  For that, I will never forgive Brooks.

Last Week's Rose Ceremony, This Week

Though Des can't get two words out without breaking into tears, she still had to have the rose ceremony with Drew Who and Chris.  Des told the guys that Brooks went home (while crying).  She said she's lucky to have two great guys remaining (while crying), and then gave each of them a rose (while crying).  Chris and Drew Who must feel so honored to be there.

I'm really excited to be here.

So far, there have not been any tweets this week.  Apparently every tweeter is in the live studio audience.

(Studio audience sidenote: how great would it be if there was a real celebrity in the studio audience?  I would like to see a drunk Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes.)

Drew Who Gets a Date

Des decided to proceed with the process.  There is no way that Des wanted to go through with these dates, but the contract she surely signed with Fleiss and Co. overrides.

Des says, "something doesn't feel right with Drew."  Interpretation: "I'm still in love with Brooks."

Thirty seconds after saying something doesn't feel right, Drew Who proposed a toast to "falling madly in love."  As soon as he got the words out, Des broke into tears (no surprise) and ended the relationship.  Neil Lane continues to fume at home.

Mrs. Wags and I have been playing "drink every time Des cries."  This post is going to make less and less sense as we continue forward.

Drew Who went home while unconvincingly stating that he lost the only love of his life.

Back in the studio, Chris Harrison mentioned for the third time that the Bachelorette has never ended with no winner.  With Drew's exit, we are "entering uncharted waters."  Bachelor Historian Wags would like to point out that Brad's first season chartered a boat and sailed those waters in 2007, rejecting both Deanna and Jenni.

Should have stayed up all night to get lucky.

Chris's Chance

Chris started off the date with Des smiling.  So that's good.

While they sailed around Antigua, the camera cut away to interviews with Des.  She seemed to be talking herself into Chris.  Fortunately for Des, her "heart will find what it needs."   This statement is a microcosm of what has made Des's run as Bachelorette rather mundane.  She only speaks in platitudes.  For the next five minutes, I will only document her useless statements:

"Sometimes life is hard to accept." (8:58 pm)
"It's like emotionally draining." (9:01 pm)
"I wish Brooks was here." (9:02 pm)
"It's been easy to be like 'Oh hey, what's up.'" (9:02 pm)
"It all happens for a reason . . . the good, the bad, and the ugly." (9:02 pm).

(In reality, Des only made four of those statements out loud, but she definitely thought the other one).

Chris gave Des a book of poems.  Des proceeded to break out in tears.  Maybe we WILL get some Neil Lane.

Des decided to introduce Chris to her family.  Her family includes the infamous Nate, her brother/love killer.  Nate peppered Chris with questions.  Chris handled Nate's questions with aplomb and grace.  You don't have a career minor league ERA of 4.64 if you stink at high pressure situations.

Before leaving the Hartsock's, Chris asked (and received) permission from Mr. Hartsock to marry Des.

The Final Rose

NEIL LANE.  NEIL LANE.  NEIL LANE.  Every kiss begins with Neil Lane.    I don't care what happens on the rest of the show.  We got some Neil Lane.  By the way, Neil Lane loves the white dress shirt, no tie, and black sport coat look.  But who doesn't, really?

Neil offers that sage ring buying/life advice, "this is the ring she will look at every day for the rest of her life."  I love how much Neil Lane believes in this show.  He clearly will not let past performance influence his current opinion.

Note the consistent outfit

Chris exited the limo first.  Usually this would be a bad sign, but I do not think anyone else is coming (literally).  Figuratively, on the other hand, last week's episode is getting out of the limo to haunt this relationship going forward.

Before Chris could get down on one knee, Des interrupted to say that Chris is the only one here (hooray Chris!).  But then she admitted that she was falling for Brooks (Chris not feeling so good).  But Brooks helped her realize that she loves Chris the most (I guess this makes sense...if you're covering your butt for last week's episode).  

In all seriousness, can I get a Chris poem please!?

But really, they might actually be good for each other.  I sure hope so (because I believe in true love).  If they can get through watching last week's episode together, they might just make it.  After the proposal, Mrs. Wags said, "this is confusing."  I agree.  I never thought option #2 was possible, but true love finds a way.  

Until next season, with Juan Pablo.