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| Don't worry. I have scotch too. |
I start this week worried that this season may not go so well. Usually by this point, there is an obvious front runner to win...I mean...find true love. As it stands, I feel like there is no logical choice for our man Juan Pablo. Let's start the episode and see what happens.
Fleiss and Co. took the crew to Vietnam. JP astutely pointed out that "one of this could be my wife." I agree. And of this true love could heppen at times, all the times, to Juan Pablo.
Vietnam looks awesome. Just saying.
Solo Date #1: Mama Renee
As the previews pointed out, Mama Renee has not kissed JP yet. This is a very bad sign for the Mama, since JP has been making out with all the single ladies.
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| Just not the single Renees |
The date started off with the new-country-obligatory-walk-around-a-new-city. JP then took Mama to buy a dress. I feel like they do a lot of dress buying on Bachelor dates. Confession: I have never bought Mrs. Wags a dress.
The evening portion of the date included the aforementioned dress (por supuesto). It seemed pretty romantic, as most Bachelor dates should. But was it romantic enough for that elusive first kiss? Apparently not. Ouch. But she did get the rose. Such mixed-messages.
But after the rose, the date continued to a dock where they released candle boxes into a river and made wishes. I'm sorry I can't describe that better with my words.
The date finally ended with no kiss. According to JP, it's because she has a son, and he wants to be respectful.
Group Date: Pavarotti, Teacher Chelsie, Kat, 8 Mile, Vidal Sassoon, Dog Lover, Nanny Alli, Danielle, and Abbie Carmichael
I really like how JP's voice gets about 4 octaves higher at the end of every sentence he says.
The group date started with a rowing trip down a river in large half-coconut looking two person boats. As you can tell, I'm having a really hard time describing what's happening in Vietnam. (And I do not think it's the scotch).
The date continued to a traditional Vietnamese farm-to-table meal. 8 Mile thought this would be "great to have in America." Maybe she needs to leave Detroit and try out Northern California. Farm-to-table is our middle name. (And I hyphenated it, which is also kind of a California thing to do).
On the date, Vidal Sassoon started to draw the ire of the other ladies, especially Dog Lover. By the way, Dog Lover is STILL on the show. What is happening!? Also, there is a woman named Danielle on the show. I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me one thing about her.
JP took Vidal Sassoon to his suite and then made out with her in his private pool. Maybe she is the favorite?
JP took each woman, one-by-one, out to the beach to make out. After her turn, Abbie Carmichael apologized, saying to the camera "sorry Mom." She was referring to making out on TV. I think she owes her Mom an apology for giving up her career as a gang prosecutor to go on a reality TV show.
Vidal Sasson obviously got the rose.
Before the night was over, Vidal Sassoon went to JP's room at 4 am. Looks like JP never should have told her where his suite was located. Stalker much?
Vidal Sassoon said she wanted to go in the ocean for the first time. For the first time!? You live in SACRAMENTO! For those of you unfamiliar with Sacramento's proximity to the ocean, let me give you a visual:
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| It's close |
Solo Date #2: Nurse Nikki
JP took Nurse Nikki on a hike. The hike turned into a repelling/spelunking combo. Nurse Nikki is (predictably) scared of heights. I've heard that public speaking is a #1 fear, but the Bachelor would seem to prove otherwise. If you want to win, you better be scared of heights (but also comfortable making out as you overcome your fears).
The date continued to dinner in a cave. I'll bet Nurse Nikki had a hard time picking out a dress since she did not have one bought for her on the date.
Nurse Nikki then delivered my favorite line of the night. "The fact that Juan Pablo wants to know about my work is amazing." I may have never bought Mrs. Wags a dress before, but I am genuinely curious about how her day was at work every single day.
Nurse Nikki got offered a rose, and she assepted. (Thanks to a loyal fan in Denver for pointing out how cool Juan Pablo's pronunciation of "asspeted" is). And you read that right. We have fans in Denver.
Rose Ceremony
The women all arrived on a boat that looked like they just got off a magical boat ride at a chocolate factory.
After simply asking her if her son was okay with making out on TV, JP got the approval he needed and kissed Mama Renee.
JP had some second thoughts about the "fairness" of going in the ocean with Vidal Sassoon. Vidal Sassoon pointed out that it's not about being fair, but rather it's about "following your heart." I feel like I am documenting the most idiotic conversation in human history. It felt like they were playing a drinking-game where they could only speak in platitudes, and now it might cost them their relationship.
Vidal Sassoon felt embarrassed that JP's daughter might have seen what they did. Mrs. Wags, always ready with an astute observation, questioned who is letting their 4-year-old watch the Bachelor. Good point. I'm 33, and my parents probably still wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons or Married with Children. But I am allowed to watch all the TGIF programming I want!!! So take that!
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| My family every Thursday night |
Joining Mama Renee, Vidal Sassoon, and Nurse Nikki with roses were:
Pavarotti
8 Mile
Teacher Chelsie
Kat
Abbie Carmichael
Going home (rather predictably I might add) were Danielle, Nanny Alli, and Dog Lover. I know one thing about the three of these women combined: one of them has a dog.
Until next week in New Zealand...
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Thanks for the Denver shout out! I think we'd rather be celebrating a Super Bowl Title, but reading We Watch The Bachelor is a close second!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm (very) disappointed that last week there wasn't a detailed description of what 8 Mile looked like in grey stretch pants...
testing
ReplyDeleteI'd like to begin by stating I enjoy your blog very much - and much more than the show in fact. This is the most boring Bachelor (as in the actual Bachelor) and I don't like any of the girls. And I like KFC Bowls....so that's really saying something. The plots and settings just get more and more ridiculous. I'm waiting for a date to consist of picking cotton at a plantation in the South followed by Maya Angelou reading from I Know Why The Caged Bird Song, or performing a gymnastics routine at the Arirang Festival and then having dinner with Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-un. Glad you haven't bought Mrs. Wags a dress yet......yet. The exoticization of a life with John Paul is so dumb. Until next week.... (I likely won't comment every week so don't get TOO excited. But maybe do the Anchorman jump liiiike once.)
ReplyDeleteIn order of posts, I respond:
ReplyDelete1) Julian - sorry about that Super Bowl. But I know you are a 9er fan first and a Washington fan second, right? Also, WWTB tries to not compliment body features. We stick to the three Cs: criticism, cynicism, and csarcasm.
USD - Thank you for the compliments. We really do write this for our fans (and Chris Harrison). It's never been about the money (still averaging $0/year). I think you're onto something with the wacky date ideas: have the bachelor or bachelorette try to explain the meaning of some poetry, literature, or music. Imagine JP trying to explain some ee cummings! We already watch the show to laugh at these folks. ABC should at least make these outtakes. I'll Anchorman jump for every posted comment (except the one that was just testing if the comments section works). Until next week...
This week was interesting for me. As I dutifully worked from the Dugan office, Mrs. Dugan fired up El Bachelor on the DVR. This meant I was able to listen to the episode and not see what was happening. While Juan Pablo was obvious, the women became a jumbled mess of complaining. Listening to these women without seeing their physical attributes was some type of twisted experiment.
ReplyDeleteThe hot/crazy scale exists and I only experienced the crazy. I hope to be back blogging and viewing next week.