The Bachelor Episode Siete: Juan Love

I forgot how to spell "siete."   It's official: four years of high school Spanish, one and a half years of college Spanish, and one semester abroad in Madrid have officially been flushed down the toilet because I can't spell siete.

Tonight is the usual scotch, but with special ice cream.  It's San Francisco Beer Week and I have some leftover 21st Amendment Framboise ice cream from Humphrey Slocombe.  If nothing in that last sentence makes sense, please come visit Mrs. Wags and me in San Francisco any time.   

Enough about San Francisco, we're going to another beautiful place....Miami!  Bienvenido (sp?).  Everything in the previews seems to indicate that Pavarotti is going home this episode.  Prediction: she's not going anywhere this week.  If Fleiss and Co. were baseball pitchers, they would throw exclusively curve balls. 

When Juan Pablo got to Miami, his hometown, he had to go see Camila Valentina first.  I feel strange that I know a four-year-old's middle name.  I guess that comes with the territory as a (very amateur) Bachelor blogger.  

The women got to the hotel in Miami.  As expected, the view was stunning.  Warm, crystal clear water.  Sunshine.  This is going to be great for Vidal Sassoon.  Her second time in the ocean in her life will be at one of the world's best beaches.  Hopefully Camila won't be watching on TV.  

Solo Date #1: Pavarotti

Pavarotti got the first date card, but was once again hesitant to be excited.  One of our readers that refuses to be identified (but lives less than 3 miles from me) pointed out that she looks and acts like April from Parks and Rec.  Quirky, awkward, brunette.   Did I mention quirky?

Awkward battle

Pavarotti seems interested in JP only when they're kissing.  While kissing on a yacht, Juan Pablo asked if their kissing was like a German kiss.  Pavarotti responded that it was "certainly not" a German kiss.  Most are familiar with the French, but I am intrigued, yet also a little scared, of whatever the German kiss might be.  

I think we have all assumed that Abbie Carmichael is the favorite for "next Bachelorette," but Pavarotti and her realistic/cynical outlook on the Bachelor process would be fun to see.  

The date continued into the evening with more (German?) kissing.  Things were going really well until JP asked if he could meet her family.  Pavarotti replied, "I think it could work."   And then with maybe my favorite line of the season, she said, "I wish I was dumber so I could just [say yes]."  She perfectly described why she is so above this process and JP.  

I really want JP to meet her family.  I imagine two college professor parents.  No siblings.  A deep discussion about which Cabernet from the wine cellar is the family favorite.  Really high ceilings.  Both parents drive Prius's.  NPR on the radio.  No television in the house.  Have never heard of the Bachelor.  I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN SO BADLY.  

There was no rose available on the date.  

Solo Date #2: Nurse Nikki

Nurse Nikki and JP's date took them to Camila's dance recital.  I actually love dance recitals.

If that wasn't enough pressure, JP's parents and CAMILA'S MOM were there.  

Camila got a solo in the recital.  Did she only get the solo because of The Bachelor?  (Someone had to say it.  Leave me alone).  

Nurse Nikki briefly interacted with Carla (Camila's mom).  Mrs. Wags says, without hesitation, that Carla is prettier than Nurse Nikki.  That seems to have prevented any fist fighting.  

The evening portion of the date was at the Marlins stadium, where JP allegedly has an office.  All I know is that I never saw any "office" on this episode.  

After deftly fielding ground balls in her halter top, they had a picnic dinner on the pitching mound.  

There was no rose on this date either.  

Back at the House

Pavarotti announced to the women that she was leaving the show.  I am so sad.  I'm really hoping that JP convinces her to stay.  

Pavarotti then told JP that she was leaving because she could not get to the point that she needed to be at in three weeks.  Newsflash: NO ONE CAN MAKE IT WORK IN THIS AMOUNT OF TIME.  That's the beauty of the show.  

Pavarotti then left.  She just walked out that door.  She didn't turn around.  She did, in fact, hurt me (and Juan Pablo) with goodbye. 

I guess Fleiss and Co. will survive.  But no, not I.

Group Date: Mama Renee, Abbie Carmichael, Teacher Chelsie, and Vidal Sassoon 

The date started with a nonchalant sea plane ride to an island.  No one even commented on how cool that is.  To impress on the Bachelor these days, you better bring a space shuttle. 

Juan Pablo definitely proved that he's a dad by wearing water socks on the beach.  He could have easily completed the look by wearing a bucket hat (confession: on family vacation last summer, I bought and wore a bucket hat the whole time). 

Not much happened on the group date, but Abbie Carmichael got the date rose.  Vidal Sassoon didn't handle it very well.   I'm getting a little worried that Vidal could potentially be the next Bachelorette.  I would have a problem with a whole season of Vidal (and I usually cheer for the Northern Californians....big Jake Pavelka fan).

By getting the rose, Abbie Carmichael got to go on a solo evening date at a salsa dancing club.  She had "never heard" Latin music before.  WHAT?!  It's not like I'm listening to Tito Puente every night, but I've definitely "heard" some Latin music.  

Back at the House Part II

Nurse Nikki and Vidal Sassoon got in a fight back at the house.  As they always say, once two fake blondes start arguing about date roses, you never know where the argument is going to go.  In this case, they got into an argument over whose room they were arguing in.  Vidal won the argument by asserting that since none of them pay rent, the entire apartment is "open space."  Seems like they might want to hire Dugan, Esq. to mediate this dispute.  

Rose Ceremony: Who Gets a Hometown?

As anyone who has ever watched this show knows, hometown dates are really important.  Thus, this rose ceremony really matters (as much as any reality dating show can "matter").  

The cocktail party was awkwardly silent, but thankfully Chris Harrison (or as JP calls him, "Mr. Chris") made his first appearance of the night to call the evening to order.  It seems like Chris Harrison's importance has been continuously minimized as the show goes on.  I would like to formally request more of Mr. Chris and Mr. Neil.  

Joining Abbie Carmichael with hometown roses was:

Nurse Nikki

Vidal Sassoon

Mama Renee

Goodbye Teacher Chelsie.  I thought she might win the thing.  But alas, we will not be going to Ohio.  

Until next week, when we see if any of these families can understand a word that Juan Pablo is saying...

Followed by a second episode on Tuesday night...