Before the dates begin, our beloved host Harrison sits down with Andy to discuss her proficiency in french (Il parle mal le français). Harrison grills Andy whether she is falling in love and the possibility she is falling in love with more guys. Hey hey, we are in France, oui? C'est la vie.
Andy and Josh Griffey Jr. Set Sail
Could two people be more out of place in the South of France? I feel like they belong at a Hooters grand opening together, not a yacht in the Mediterranean. Josh brings up that he was a 2nd round pick. How often do you think Josh brings this up? Considering he's 29 and this happened when he was 17...we are 12 years removed from the height of his athletic prowess. Now, if I am Josh, I am bragging about the draft and not my career .213 batting average with the Ogden Raptors, Beloit Snappers, West Virginia Power, Brevard County Manatees, or Charlotte County Redfish.
It was not his poor average, fielding, slugging or general overall play that kept him from the majors...or even his failure to make Double A ball, it was Josh's desire to be with and have a family. I'll buy that because he did join brother and All Time Sec Passer Aaron Murray at UGA after baseball flamed out.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (do you know how to say "ranch" in french? ranch.), Hans and Dockers try to stir up shit by telling Famous Amos that Frat Bro 1 commented about Andy keeping the black guys. This turns out to be a relatively minor incident as Frat Bro 1 denies it and Famous Amos takes him at his word. However...Famous Amos gives us hints of a Mesnick and Flajnik. We know the Mesnick is the hunched over the balcony with tears and the Flajnic is a Mesnick without tears. Famos Amos pulled a Flajnik at the balcony but later looked like tears turned it into a Mesflaj. A what?
The best part was Frat Bro 1's denial included some rap references:
"With so much drama in the A-B-C
It's kinda hard bein Frat Bro O-N-E"
- They go to Palais Longchamp where they make purses
- Josh Griffey got cheated on by having a girlfriend kiss another guy.
- That’s enough for Andy. She let's her guard down now and gives up the rose. Be careful, Andy. Coach Mark Jackson will warn you: Hand down = Man down.
- Josh Griffey is securely in the pole position and front-runner to take the Final Rose
Sublime Mime Rhyme Time by the Seine
Ok, except for that first and last part. We get a group date of miming with Gosling, Les Dylan, John Deere, Famous Amos, Albino Rhino, Dockers, Hans, Frat Bro 2 and Frat Bro 1. I really like how the Frat Bros stick together.
Let's give a run down of the events
- Guys were not thrilled nor good.
- The Albino Rhino raps. God, please let the Albino Rhino stay on this show forever. I want this to be "Choose Your Own Adventure" Bachelorette and I choose the Albino Rhino has to mime the rest of the season.
- They were so bad they made babies cry.
- Hans really not enjoying the mime date
- Albino Rhino and Hans square off about Hans teasing him for being too "thankful"
- NEWSFLASH - this qualifies as reality show drama.
We have three leaders in the clubhouse and all the other guys could go home.
1. Hans with the Mental/Emotional connection
2. Josh Griffey Jr with the Physical connection
3. Gosling to stay on the show long enough to cement next Bachelor
Andy asks whether Hans is a little manipulative? YES!!!! Watch Frozen now!!! Run away from Hans. He's trying to kill your sister and steal the kingdom of Arendelle. Dockers gets the group date rose.
Coach is Not a Chef
Coach has one of the worst dates that ended up with a rose in the history of the Bachelor/ette. It began nice with a movie and some market shopping. That went well. Then, they decided to cook a meal together.
Save time. Don't watch the cooking scene. This clip does it justice.
Although if you don't watch, you'll miss the quote of the night:
Andi: “How do you like your broccoli?”
Coach: “Different ways”
It got weird.
Brian on the basketball court >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Brian in the kitchen. Luckily for Coach, there are simply worse men than him left on the show and he secures the rose. Along with a big 'ol green light for future kissing. Andi ended the cooking massacre and brought him out to dinner. This is what they discussed:
It's Rose Ceremony Time and Let's Cut the Chit Chat
No cocktails. 3 cuts. Let’s get to business. Josh Griffey safe. Dockers safe. Coach safe.
Who else is getting a rose?
Gosling.
Hans.
John Deere.
Les Dylan.
Albino Rhino!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goodbye Frat Bro 1 and 2 and Famous Amos
So glad they got to stick together the entire season.
Off to Venice next week with Tim as your tour guide to love.
Posts
Great post as usual.
ReplyDeleteNice work on the Josh Griffey Jr. research. .213 BA!? Ouch. And his career ended in 2007. What has he been doing for the past 7 years?
Famous Amos rap....you win Dugan. Had me laughing.
You really think Gosling for next Bachelor? He seems SO serious. And SO boring. I am pulling strongly for Famous Amos to be the next Bachelor, but I think his early exit from the show this week will be prohibitive. Juan Pablo was an early exit from the show, and we all know how that turned out.
A few other thoughts:
1) I can't stand Dockers. I find everything about him annoying.
2) Harrison looked hilarious in that turtleneck to start the show. I was really hoping he would bust out a beret and a cigarette. When in Marseilles...
3) Marseilles looks awesome.
4) Josh Griffey Jr seems like a total liar. I don't believe a word out of his mouth. There was no truth to that story about his ex-girlfriend kissing another guy. C'mon Andi, you're a (former) DA, see through the lies.
5) You better not make fun of someone for being "thankful." Oh no you won't. Albino Rhino has a delightfully low IQ combined with an artificially inflated testosterone level.
6) Andi is looking more and more like Elaine Bennis.
7) She seems pretty interested in Coach Brian, but will she pick a high school basketball coach? Seems unlikely.